No one said marriage was easy. Filling extra time has been a battle but there’s a purpose behind it all.
2017 - The Building Year
I was looking at through my Instagram feed yesterday, and I came across one of my favorite end of the year posts called #2017thebestnine. Naturally, I had to get in on the action and see my best nine posts for myself. The final result led me to reminisce about this past year and how much has happened.
Why the "Building Year"?
Like I mentioned in my IG post, I left my full-time, comfy, corporate job to pursue freelance
writing full-time. Let me say this... it's freaking scary. I have no idea when I am going to receive my next check. There's no HR office I can go to where I can speak to someone about receiving payment. I do have some clients who are really consistent, but I have other ones who pay when the project is finished. And I have others... well... let's say they are challenging. It's freaking crazy. Luckily, I've been able to hold my head over water for the past year.
I have learned that pitching for new work is just as important as the work. The realization that we only have so many hours in a day has brought me to the conclusion that I need to put more energy into Val's Bytes. I do love writing as a whole, but this blog is my baby.
My itch for wanderlust is never satiated
I love to travel. I mean, I LOVE to travel. The world has so many beautiful places, great food, and friendly people and I can't wait to see more of it. The Comedian and I went to Italy and Greece this past year. Europe exceeded my expectations in more ways than one. Never in my life did I imagine water so blue in Santorini or tomatoes so sweet in Sicily. I told the Comedian, we just barely scratched the surface. However, I did promise to give him a six-month break from my constant need to be out of the house.
Growth for Val's Bytes
It's amazing how much can happen when you pray a little and
make some real effort. I have made strides with Val's Bytes in the past year including starting the Love Bits and Bytes podcast, getting my matchmaker certification, and hosting at an online radio station with Throwback Vibez.
I am working behind the scenes to put together a brand new website, writing my first ebook (a collection of my best blogs), and working on myself. I think there is so much good information out there including several books that will get your mind right to find a quality relationship. If you need recommendations, hit me up.
What's to come
Like I mentioned before, I have some things in the works that you'll start to see in early 2018. I really want to help anyone I can find love or at the very least, a date. I sincerely believe God gives us gifts to share with the world. I know mine is guiding someone to learn to love themselves so they can find love.
I am also working on expanding my marketing services. I have some terrific friends of mine who are incredibly talented joining my team. Look out for Fox Hunt Digital pretty soon. Personally, I think the website is pretty awesome.
Though 2017 was a tough year for me, I don't regret very much. Well, except all of the BBQ that went to my waistline...ha! I know if I could make a living this year, next year will only be more fruitful. This year was my building year.
I have always kept moving forward because I believe in growth. If you are not growing, then you're stagnant. If you hate your situation, make plans to save yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.
If you are interested in making the leap to working for yourself or if you need coaching, feel free to reach out to me at val@valsbytes.com.
See you next year!!
Traveling to Paris with Your Partner?
The comedian and I are about to embark on our first trip across the pond together. I asked one of my favorite contributors to share her story with her significant other. ______________________________________________________________________
My partner changed my world when I started dating him. We traveled so much together and he has definitely got me out of my bubble. Our trips are epic and Paris was one of the most memorable.
Here is what you need to know when traveling to the most romantic city on earth with your partner!
BE PREPARED TO WALK.
Yes, you can take the cab or the train but be prepared to walk and walk some more. We made the mistake of walking to a rugby game while we were in Ireland the night before we went to Paris.
BIG MISTAKE!
My feet were in so much pain from the night before and our first day in Paris was miserable. There's a trek to everything you want to see. I guess we should have taken a day off to recover from walking.
BE PREPARED FOR SMALL PORTIONS HIGH PRICE
We had the most amazing curry from a hole in the wall away from the main streets of Paris. It was the smallest portion I've ever received so be aware you will be hungry and ready for more unless you're willing to pay the price for seconds.
When you leave your hotel, make sure to have some snacks in your pocket. Especially if your partner is known to get hangry!
MAKE A REALISTIC PLAN
We spent two days in Paris. This was simply not enough time. We did get to see the Eiffel Tower and we ventured over to see the Mona Lisa but I wanted more.
My partner and I missed the Love Bridge, many of the museums, and cathedrals. I know you can't see everything in a week but two days is not enough.
EVERYONE TOLD US THAT IT’S OVERRATED.
I loved Paris! I have amazing pics that will last a lifetime. Even though I was crippled and angry the first night, it was one of my favorite trips with my man. I cherish all my memories of traveling with Gareth. He is my adventure and I would recommend Paris to every couple.
ROMANCE IS IN THE LITTLE THINGS
We were also told Paris isn't as romantic as you think. Romance is self-created. I really do believe that ambiance matters. If you don't allow the sexiness of the Eiffel Tower help make your night special with your partner then I have no hope for you.
We had the best ice cream by the carousel across from the Eiffel Tower. To me, that is romance at its finest.
I'm sure if we made time to see the Eiffel Tower lit up at night, there would be some sexy time.
Just so you're aware, don't get caught up in the romance at the hotel because the lights turn off at 2 AM.
I know I have to go back to Paris just to see the lights! (This is my excuse to venture back)
HERE ARE MY FAVORITE PICS FROM MY TRIP.
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2016 - A Year in Review
I'd like to think this "Year in Review" idea could be an annual thing. I like to reflect on the past year and its triumphs and challenges. I really began this year in a good place as I was planning my wedding to The Comedian. There were hopes and dreams that I wanted to accomplish.
Year in Review
I was working at a job where I loved the people, but as the year wore on, so did the job. I worked from 8 am to 6 or 7 PM on some days plus going outside in a construction environment did not weigh very well on my energy. I started losing myself. I didn't feel that I had the energy to work on the one thing that brought me life, this blog. Not only that, I struggled to lose weight for the big day. I remember lying in bed with The Comedian after a long heated discussion about following our dreams. He felt that I was losing my passion. I sincerely was just in a rut. I told him that by the end of the year, I would quit my job and pursue freelance writing full-time. This would give me the opportunity to focus on what I loved most, writing.
Luckily, after a few craigslist posts, I found some great clients who both gave me the opportunity to quit my job and still make enough money to support myself. I was on a roll. My goal came to life. This past holiday season has been full of meetings and pursuing even more clients. Val's Bytes will not be left behind either. Look out for new podcasts in a different format in 2017.
I have been to two weddings this year, including my own. I don't remember any baby showers. And I was given the greatest gift of all, a husband who supports my every endeavor.
As I reflect back on this year, I think about all of the negative things that happened. The shooting at Pulse Shooting Pulse Nightclub
Create a Your Own Destiny
But I am grateful for changes that occurred that brought me closer to what is on my vision board. As a challenge to you, I want you to create your own vision board (I will put mine down below). If you visualize and pray for the things in life you want, they will come. Keep a positive outlook and don't let negative thoughts enter your mind. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
A goal without a plan is a dream (I saw this in a meme the other day). With this year in review, I want you to create an opportunity for success. Visualize the things you want, keep a positive mindset, and those things will come. I know because it has happened to me.
Happy New Year!
No One Wants to Hear about a Happy Relationship
“No one wants to hear about a happy relationship.” That’s the Comedian said after doing a bit on stage. Before he told a joke, he would run it by me to ask whether it was okay. I honestly didn’t mind. I knew it was an exaggerated version of our reality. Once, a woman pulled me to the side after he performed on stage and said, “You don’t have to let him talk about you like that.”
Sincerely, it was okay. I had gotten comfortable with being the butt of 90% of his jokes. In all seriousness, comedians talk about what they know, and if they spend most of their lives with you, then you will be the butt of their jokes. I usually laugh it off and say “I signed up for this when I decided to date a comedian.”
It’s the same as being a dating blogger. I spent countless hours talking about my latest conquests and how the majority of them went wrong. Now, that I’m in a happy marriage with the comedian, I am scrambling for good material. I have no issues talking about myself but who really wants to read about a happy relationship?
It’s true. Most of us watch reality TV because we feel that if this rich person’s life is falling apart in front of us, then maybe we aren’t so bad. These past few weeks, a lot of people approach the Comedian and me and ask, “How’s married life?”
I sincerely don’t know how to answer. It’s great. Nothing has changed. We are still two creative peas in a pod just trying to make our way in the world. He’s the type of person who can make you laugh and the next hour has a serious conversation about the development of society. It’s crazy to have found this combination in a person, but it works. Someone told me to
enjoy this time because you never know when things will change.
She is right. I’ve seen my friends go through ups and downs in their marriages. But the strong always prevail. I admire the strength in understanding your partner, and when things get tough, they are really there for you.
The comedian even said in his vows that you need someone to grow with you and push you to be the best version of yourself. I would like to challenge everyone to talk about their happy relationship. It might make the idea of finding the right partner much less stressful. He is out there.
On a side note... our wedding video is out!
I hope you enjoy!
https://vimeo.com/191169594
My Rattled Psyche
My psyche has been rattled quite a bit over the past few months. Wedding planning is more like a psychological roller coaster that takes you from super excited to damn right devastated. I spoke to one of The Comedian’s coworkers yesterday whose daughter is planning a wedding and she mentioned her daughter is at the stage where she does not care anymore. Well, that’s where I’m at right now. Through this whole process, I have met incredible people, and I’ve realized who was willing to go the extra mile. I do cherish my friends and family to my core. However, one has to realize you can’t save them all.
Recently, I had a conversation with someone who made me realize why I love my friends so dearly and that I have the natural feeling to want to help them regardless if they might have done something negative. It’s the reason why I blog. I like to hope that somewhere in the world, I’m able to help someone with my words or stories. That some woman out there might be on the verge of making a wrong decision, she reads the blog and a light appears in front of her. I love to provide a service to help those in need of clarity in their personal lives.
I hope with all of my experiences that I will be able to provide the glimmer of hope someone was seeking. I sincerely believe I was put on this earth to endure some hardships, interpret it as an opportunity to find strength, and share it with the world. Wisdom does not come with experience; it comes with the ability to make your experiences learning opportunities.
It happens to be the same reason I have the tendency to want to help people in their relationships. Not too long ago, I spent an additional 30 minutes in a car with an Uber driver giving him advice in his relationship. Regardless of whether the Comedian felt that this was appropriate, my drunken persona felt that this was the right thing to do at the time.
The theme of my bachelorette party cruise was one of finding ourselves again. Through all of the babies and significant others, we lose sight of how amazing we are as women. We're strong and resilient. Whether we make plans in the future to go to Ireland or Argentina is all up to us. There is a magnetic pull for us to move forward in a productive and happy direction. I will never forget what the trip has taught me about myself, and I will never forget the conversations. I think that's why I'm so rattled. I needed to be reminded that we all are amazing, and we deserve the best. I remembered that I love my friends and family , I love meeting new people, and I love to dance like no one is looking.
My psyche will be normal again
Wedding planning, working full time, and finding a path in freelancing can take a toll on someone. I sincerely cannot wait to get the wedding behind me. There are so many things that are changing right now that I can't speak about because it is a bit premature. However, I am very excited. Let's just say; I will have more time to write and travel as I've always dreamed. Who knows, I might go back to school. I think my calling is to help people in their relationships. It's not easy to see what is going on in your relationship from the inside, but an outside wise perspective might give you that light you've been seeking.
Coincidently enough, this was Joel Osteen's prayer for the day:
“Father, today I raise my level of expectancy. I choose to take the limits off of my thinking. I know that You are able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever ask, think or imagine. Thank You for the blessing You have in store for me in Jesus’ name! Amen.”
Wedding Cake Rant
I have a confession... I don't like cake. This is my struggle. The wedding industry is telling me I have to spend $500 on something I don't like to eat. My fiance, however, does like cake so the battle is not completely lost. I really do want to get a cake to do the whole "shove the cake in your husband's face" thing BUT I just have a really hard time with all of the insane price tags. You could say I'm unconventional but that's what makes me... well me. I didn't grow up thinking I would have a huge elaborate wedding, I'm not a princess. If someone else puts a tiara on my head... I'm going to scream. I am a people lover. When I realized marriage was a reality I started planning things I would totally be okay with. I grew up liking Spanish guitars because my father, uncles, and cousins played guitar. It was a part of my life so I wanted to integrate that into the ceremony. The rest... well I want a party. Where everyone is smiling, laughing, having a great time, and celebrating our marriage. That's what I want.
My real question is... why is everything so freakin' expensive? I will be honest. Maybe I'm super frugal but the idea of spending more than $500 on a wedding dress was so hard for me to digest. I couldn't swallow the price tag. I tried watching "Say Yes to the Dress" but I heard the amount these girls were spending for a dress they would wear once and I almost fainted. I also got a call from a boutique and they told me their starting price was $3000. Say what?! Why?
I don't want to negate anyone else's dream. This is just my perspective. If you have the financial ability to spend anything you want on a wedding, go for it. I can't. I am grateful to those who are assisting us. I definitely could not afford this festival of food and fun without you.
I'm just asking, can I spend less than $500 on a cake or invitations most people will throw away? Can I not have to DIY everything? Can I spend as little as possible and still have the night of our lives? That is my current mission. I just wish that when someone mentions the word "wedding" the price tag didn't jump three times.
"What if?" is a scary phrase
Recently, a close friend of mine lost his father. It got me to thinking about my relationship with my father. Naturally, the first thing I think is that life is fleeting. People come and go, bad things happen, good things happen, you have great relationships, and wonderful memories. Some of those moments lead us to hours of therapy that I'm not sure how I paid for. Anyhow, I didn't have a really close relationship with my father growing up. He just wasn't around.
Growing up in the military has it's unconventional moments. First, I never had a friend for more than 2 years. Not that I was a bad friend but they would move away. I remember my best friend from elementary school moved to Alaska. I mean... how were we going to stay friends without the internet? Second, my dad would spend overnights on base or at training. He wasn't home very often. He retired for a short period of time, didn't like being a civilian, and got right back in. Which led him to Panama. Needless to say, my dad missed the most awkward parts of my life, the teenage years. There were a lot of factors in him not being around and I'm not 100% sure about a lot of it.
When I was about 27 years old, my dad came out of the woodworks and established an ongoing relationship with me. I can't say I see him all of the time but we do email each other on a regular basis and I have finally learned where my personality came from.
Back to death, I still wonder what the future holds with my father. Even in the wedding planning process, getting an answer out of him is a bit nerve wracking. I would really like him to be a part of my future kid's lives and want him to come up to Orlando more often. This could be a cry but I don't want to think "what if". Parts of me don't want to make the effort but if life is so fleeting, maybe I should so that I could have that relationship that I want with my father.
Gosh! That's all I really want... a better relationship before it's too late.
Don't Get in that Car
I recently heard something on the radio that was quite disturbing. A girl was raped after getting into a car with a stranger. My first question is why would anyone get into a car with a stranger? It boggles my mind the naivety of some people. Maybe it's my thick skin or the fact that I've had so many close calls, I'm not really sure. Don't people remember their parents teaching them about "stranger danger"? That concept applies all of your life, not just when you're a child. I know that most rapes occur within a person's social circle. According to the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAIIN), 4 out of 5 sexual assaults are done by no one you know. But I want to be an advocate for those who might not make the best choices when it comes to trusting someone they don't know. Recently, I found a social experiment where a popular Youtuber lured unsuspecting women into his car.
[embed]http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk4VmYrquAs[/embed]
I am speaking from experience. There was a point in my life where I was just as naive as some women who make dangerous decisions.
Here is another scenario. You meet someone at a bar and he invites you over to his place after. What do you expect is going to happen? He's going to be a nice guy and you two are going to have a long night of conversation. Probably not. I remember a line from "How I Met Your Mother" that said,
"When it's after 2:00 a.m., just go to sleep because the decisions you make after 2:00 a.m. are the wrong decisions."
Just go home, hold some dignity, and enjoy the fact that if he is a good guy, then he will call you because he respects you. If he is not, then he wasn't right for you. I don't know how many times I had to convince myself of the same. Sometimes our insecurities cause us to make bad decisions. That's exactly why the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" made so much sense.
I can't say any more than women need to make better decisions and take pride within ourselves. We are not perfect and bad things might still happen but we can prevent some of those bad things going left instead of right or vice versa. I can honestly say that most of my bad dates could have been avoided but my own curiosity was a blessing and a curse. Most of the bad decisions I've made could have had different outcomes if I put my self worth first. I do also believe that God does not put you through anything you can't handle and it is all done in His time.
If you have any questions about sexual assault or need someone to talk to, I am here as a listening ear to both men and women alike.
Achievement Lately
I've been thinking a lot about achievement lately. Here I am binging on House of Cards, a Netflix series about politicians climbing their way up the administrative ladder, doing the exact opposite which is sitting on the couch. The irony right?? I am being partially productive by multitasking. There has been this pounding in my heart that I should write this particular book. I've been avoiding it because I know it would be a daunting task. There are so many intricacies because I know the story needs to be told so the same thing does not happen to another young woman out there. One of the reasons it has been weighing on me is because it was the most traumatic experience in my life. It literally opened my eyes to the potential evils out there. Most people who know me say that I'm strong. I just think of any occurrence in my life could not be as nearly as awful as what I went through over 10 years ago.
The good news is that last night I wrote. And when I wrote, I felt okay. It wasn't awful. This was extremely motivational. I guess after years of self therapy and prayer that I am actually over it. But then why write a book? I sincerely believe this story will put things into perspective. I am not not unlike many people out there in the world. I was a young girl who was influenced by a man with a big dream. What is also really great great about the story is that this influential man was arrested over a year ago for grand larceny, just to add to the pot.
It's just time. I've written draft after draft over the years and I know that it will be a great addition to the literary world. It's the story I was meant to write. They say if God keeps telling you to do something then you should do it and the more time I put off, the more guilty I feel.
Yep, gotta do it. Now if I could just figure out how to finish watching House of Cards and get back to being productive.
5 Ways to Boost your Confidence
Being a strong woman in a world full of people ready and willing to push you down can really take a toll on your confidence. I literally just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Dress the way you want to feel
It is amazing what clothes can do to our self-esteem. Have you ever looked in the mirror and said to yourself, "Damn, I look good"? Ladies, you can sincerely feel like this all the time. You know how the saying goes;
"Dress for the job you want"
The same goes for your mood. Dress for the mood you want to have. If you want to feel sexy, slip on that thong you know makes you feel like you are being a little naughty and it will exude on the outside and if you want to feel like you can take over the world, put on a power suit.
Drop the negativity
It's sometimes hard to see when people are bringing you down, especially when you're a women. We all get caught up in the drama and gossip in the world around us. It's so easy to just get sucked in. I mean that's why reality TV is so addicting. We love to revel in someone else's life when its worse than ours. Well, snap out of it!
I know it can be difficult to get rid of friends who might be bringing us down as well but you have to remember that friends sometimes come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If the reason is up and they are bringing you down, it's time to move on. Exuding confidence is all about YOU, not the other person. Trust me, I am guilty of being a people pleaser but I know when to drop my losses. Walk away from the negative talk and get yourself back in stride.
Talk to yourself
That's right, I said it. Look in the mirror and talk to yourself. Find a mantra that works for you like, "I am beautiful, no one today is going to bring me down" or "I am going to take over the world". Whatever it may be, make sure its a positive, reassuring mantra that you are going to say to yourself. The most important thing about this routine is that you have to do it daily and you have to believe it. If you don't believe it, repeat it again until you do. Positive self-talk is so powerful
Hit the gym
You don't necessarily have to go to the gym but work out. Do something. Get off the couch and get moving. WebMD says that working out releases endorphins which basically means it releases a chemical that makes us happy. The same chemical that makes us smile when we hear a baby laugh. Not only that, but after working out for a little while, you'll feel better about your body, you'll have more energy, and most importantly, you'll be more confident.
Surround yourself with positive people
I recently heard from someone you should surround yourself with people who are smarter than you. I have always been a strong believer in having friends and significant others who bring you up and not bring you down. I have been blessed with a great set of friends and every time we're together, it just reassures me and reminds me of how awesome they are smart, beautiful, positive women with the most amazing hearts. It did take a while to get the negative people out of my life and it was worth it. Find a mentor, surround yourself with amazing people, and your confidence will be the last thing you worry about.
Keep in mind these are just tips. If you going through depression, please seek professional help. From someone who has experienced depression before, it might be hard to get out of your own way when you're feeling down in the dumps.
Stay sassy, confident, and remember you are the most beautiful woman in the world!
You're going to rue the day... You started my dream
I’ll be completely transparent, I was let go from my 9-5 job on Monday. Most people would think I would be distraught with thoughts going through my head like, “Oh, no! What am I going to do?” or “I can’t believe this horrible b**ch let me go. She’s going to rue the day she made that decision!” But no, that’s not how I feel at all. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
You see, prayer is a very powerful thing, as much as some people might choose to believe or not to believe. I wrote a blog post a few weeks ago and I got a lot of praise from it after I prayed to God about my path the night before. I was a bad Christian and I hadn’t prayed in a while until Monday morning when I simply said, “Let me know where my path to living a dream will take me”. And boom! I was let go. It was apparent that the relationship was not working out the way anyone had anticipated, however, I used the job as an excuse to not fully pursue my passion for writing as much as I should have.
I had been dreaming of just writing since I was a little girl. I wanted to be a journalist, or so I thought, until I realized that would mean I would write someone else’s stories in a specific format for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to write my own stories. I wanted to be an investigative journalist but I wasn’t willing to work from the bottom of the barrel to hopefully make it to the top so I just did what society told me to do and got a job. I really deviated from my dream to write.
It wasn’t until 2011, I had my heart broken, and I went back to my roots. I was told I had talent and I remembered my purpose once again. I guess you have to hit some sort of rock bottom to remember where you came from. It wasn’t a real rock bottom, that came a few years later but it got me back to doing something I really enjoyed. Then the story just unfolded from that point. I started doing freelance work to expand my portfolio and here I am today, jobless and pursuing my real passion.
I have to say, this could not happen without the support of the Comedian who has always instilled in our relationship that to create is what makes us such a unique couple and I am reminded by him regularly to live our passion and our dream. I guess I am still living in a little bit of fear of the unknown. It’s interesting I read an article today in Addicted2Success.com basically solidifying what I have been avoiding for so long, the fear of the unknown. I’m not going to say I love or hated my job, it was just not me. Going in from 9-5, living someone else’s dream and passion, and going home a paycheck in which someone else chose the amount I was paid. Just the thought of all of that irks me a little bit. I’m not knocking it for anyone else, I’m just saying, it is not for me.
All in all, I’m excited for this journey I am just embarking on and every bone in my body is happy. Just utterly happy. I know it’s all in God’s hands now but I have faith that everything will turn out just the way it’s supposed to.
Lovenote images - Artistic images
Why I think Jane the Virgin is amazing!
I have this new obsession. That show on the CW called Jane the Virgin. Maybe I felt a little nostalgic because it reminded me of all of the novelas (Spanish soap operas) I used to watch growing up, but it has reeled me in like the hungriest tuna swimming upstream. With my new obsession, I started googling everything I could about the actors and who they were. I happened to stumble upon this interview on YouTube that really touched me at the very core. Gina Rodriguez, who plays Jane, starts talking about how this role came up unexpectedly. Someone with her look and nationality would not normally go for a lead part in almost anything. Here was her chance. She spoke about how her father told her that she was beautiful regardless of what others think. What she said was powerful. It means that anyone can really live their dream. Too many times were caught up in the notion that we're not pretty enough or experienced enough or that we don't fit the mold. But we are all beautiful. Maybe I connect because I'm also Puerto Rican who grew up around a lot of anglos due to my dad being in the military. I always had wild and crazy hair and I never fit into one particular crowd. Gina from Jane the Virgin mentions that once you get past what's in your head, you are capable of so many things. It's simply that amazing and simple. The thing holding us all back from what we really want to accomplish is our own minds. Once we all get past the doubt, the negative words from other people, worrying what others think, the perception of what society believes to be beautiful, and constant thoughts of remedial things, we can succeed. Gina says, once she got past it, everything was so clear.
I do have to give major props to Gina Rodriguez from Jane the Virgin for getting a Golden Globe for best actress this past year. I mean, this girl from Chicago who just wanted to be an actress landed a lead role in topsy, turvy show that makes my heart jump each time. This is just as amazing as the diversity of the cast from Orange is the New Black.
When I delve deeper and deeper into the wonderful cast of Jane the Virgin, I can't help but want to watch more. I'm just not looking forward to the season finale. That would mean I would have to wait months to see another episode!
The Old Role Switcheroo
I've noticed from the relationship I have with parents, it seems we took on the parental role way too soon in our lives. I read recently in the Chicago Tribune, that it's becoming more and more normal for children to take on the parental roles too soon in their lives. This to me seems a bit unfair. I remember having a very secluded childhood, especially in my teens. I had my escape by going to band camp, however, when I got home, I had to take care of my younger sister. It was like my mom was not aware of her misbehaving or let her do what she wanted and my dad didn't play a role in our lives after I was 14. He actually just reappeared maybe 3 years ago. I was 16 years old, keeping out eye out on my sister, making sure the neighbor didn't leave a hickey on her neck large enough for my mom to see. This, in turn, caused me to feel like I have always been responsible for my sister and left me longing for a relationship with my mom. When I left for college, I was set on the idea that I would finally do something for myself. But I left with guilt because things just seemed to fall apart for my sister after I went away for college. She ended up dropping out of high school and moving in with her boyfriend at the time. I think she was only 16. I had always wondered what would had happened if I never left.
After many years of therapy and sessions with the Comedian, my very own therapist, I know I'm not responsible for my younger sister. I was too young to feel that responsible for her. This feeling of responsibility affected my relationships with others because I felt like I had to save everyone. Hence why I probably dated a lot of guys who needed saving. Sigh... if I could count the ways. I remember picking up an ex boyfriend at a bus stop just to hang out because he couldn't make it all the way. It wasn't until I met the Comedian that finally I had someone to take care of me and vice versa.
The article in the Chicago Tribune suggests just as I described above, growing up too fast leaves scars on children's lives as they get older. I laugh a little because I see the descriptions of some of these kids:
"A straight-A student comes home and starts supper, knowing she'll spend the evening listening to her dad talk about his troubled personal life."
"A young beauty-pageant contestant beams at her mom, who is proud to call her daughter her best friend."
I know people who have had these kinds of lives. It's just interesting how our parents drag us back into our roles of the one that grew up too fast. I still have the tendency to want to do everything for my family members. I know it might be selfish but for my own well being and sanity, it is good to step back every now and then to let them figure it out.
My Year in Review
Note to self, I definitely need to blog more… but I digress. This year has been one full of big changes. In all honesty, I don’t know if those changes would have been made without the Comedian being my conscience.
First and foremost, after many years of believing my car still had a lot of life in her, I finally sold my 2003 Mazda Protégé for a 2010 Toyota Corolla S. This was the first car I ever owned and the last car I had in college, it had a lot of memories I was not willing to give up. It didn’t matter to me that it didn’t have automatic doors or windows, or I neglected to get tints, even though I live in Florida. The Comedian was convinced that it was about to explode, I mean when something broke in the car, he would say, I think you need a new car. I kind of brushed it off with my stubborn mindset. “The car still has lots of life”, I would think but he was obviously looking out for my best interest. The timing was just right. I had enough to put down for a down payment and I could afford it, so it was done.
Second, I finally got Lasik surgery. I have been wearing glasses since I was 9 and contacts since I was 13. So, I have officially been blind (I mean my vision was really, really bad) for about 21 years. I forgot what it was like to wake up in the morning and be able to see. I have also never been one to wear glasses. They bothered me. Glasses would fall down my nose and I never could get used to
how they looked on me. I was waiting for the right moment to do the surgery. Luckily for me, a good friend of mine was a technician at Lasik Plus. He knew my vision history, Hell, that’s how we met. He worked for the eye doctor I went to when I was 18. This was a great opportunity to undergo surgery with someone I trust helping with the procedure. It was a no brainer. Today, I have 20/15 vision. My eyes still get dry from time to time but that’s normal. I love waking up and not having to worry about contacts or glasses. I know it sounds like a marketing ploy but I’m telling the truth.
Finally, last but not least, the biggest thing that happened this year… The Comedian and I bought a house! The opportunity to buy really came out of nowhere. I wanted a house for us to have more room for our creativity and for Rosco to roam but I felt like that possibility was out of our reach until I got a sense that I should start asking questions. Maybe it was God telling me to give it a try but it was definitely a strong sense that this was going to work out. We really had a month window to get the house closed due to some personal finance situations and we pulled it off with the help of my awesome Realtor, Jane Sloan, and the team at Absolute Home Loans, Amy and Bobby.
What’s interesting about the house is that on the vision board I made after watching The Secret I asked for a 1500 square foot home. All of the houses we looked except for the one we bought were 1200 and 1300 square feet. I knew they were wrong for us. When the seller accepted our bid on the 1400 square foot home, I knew it was it. In The Secret, there’s an example from the writer of Chicken Soup for the Soul who came close. This house came so close. It just shows how visions and positive thoughts will bring you what you pray for.
Needless to say, there were other things that happened this past year. I started school at Florida International University for my MBA, the Comedian and I went to… ummm… 5 weddings, only 1 baby shower (thank goodness), I hosted my first crawfish boil and High School Marching Band Reunion, and the Comedian and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. There's really so much more! It has been a great year!
I really look forward to 2015 and all that it has to bring. I will graduate with my MBA in May, I think there are 3 more weddings to go to, my sister will be having my niece, and I’m sure so much more will happen. These years do fly by but they are filled with so many memories.
Live in the moment, cherish every minute. Cheers to 2015!
How Much Does Social Media Influence Little Girls?
Recently, the Comedian and I broke into a debate about raising girls in the current environment with social media being such an influence. I really had no idea how to argue his point. I'm not a parent and I don't have experience with the psychology of a young person. I'm not really sure how others are developed, I only know my own story. There is some sort of fear of raising a child. You don't know how they will grow up or what kind of adult you would be, one would just have faith that you would instill your values into this child and let them out in the world. Does this ideal make us naive?
This conversation came up because of the recent album cover of Nikki Minaj. Basically, her bare bottom is shown as she is bent down. She has made a name for herself as a talented artist and young girls look up to her. So does this make it okay to show our bodies in that manner? What kind of message does that deliver to little kids? Not too long ago, Kim Kardashian posted an Instagram photo with her in a revealing bathing suit that made us question the same.
Granted, when I was growing up, there were influences like Madonna and Cindi Lauper, however, I was very sheltered. My parents never talked to me about sex and I was always told to dress conservatively. My mom is an old school Catholic woman. I remember she made a comment about my rebellious stage in college. I used to show a lot of cleavage because I felt that if I was blessed to be endowed in that area, I should show it off. She said that I had one side of my closet I wore around her and the other I didn't. Ha! I don't dress like that any more if you're wondering. Something about not being 21 anymore changed my wardrobe.
After the conversation ended, I posted a question on Facebook asking the opinion of others. Many felt strongly that is more difficult to raise girls in this generation than before because technology is so accessible. Others said the jury was still out. Children have influences from their friends where they might have cell phones at 7 years old and able to watch things that are not being supervised by parents. There's a comedian, Louis C.K., who was asked by his 9 year old daughter whether she could have a cell phone, he told her, "No". She questioned and he answered that she wasn't old enough to have a phone. She rebutted that her friend had one. He still said, "No".
The question is whether parents have enough influence on their children to become good adults, to not follow in the footsteps of pop stars showing off their sexuality and sending the wrong message to the opposite sex. How do we really know? The thing is, we don't. We don't know how our children are going to turn out, however, we pray that they are healthy and lead good lives. In the long run, we love them and want them to have the time of their lives like we did.
The Freelance Struggle
Recently, I have ventured into the world of freelancing. After listening to several podcasts and reading articles, I went against the advice of most and tried a freelancing website. If you're trying to branch out into being paid for your art, this is definitely not the route.
After a week or two of being on the site, I could see why it was such a challenge to make a living. No one getting paid the rates listed could really make ends of me. But still, I was excited to have my first paying gig. Write 30 articles about dating advice. Easy enough considering that is one of my fortes. After I accepted the offer, I realized, I was literally being paid $1.00 per article. What a rip off! I know my content is worth so much more.
I really tried to make a good impression as this was my first job on the site but it just didn't seem worth it in the long run. The person who hired me said my content was amazing. Knowing that, I felt it was time to just quit. I could do so much more with the content I am able to produce on my own site and be truly appreciated by those I cater to.
I am venturing out on doing some real freelance work. I have started a new website catering to that customer. If you're interested in seeing some samples, feel free to visit Valerie Writes.
I would love to make my travel dreams come true. I know it can only be obtained by not working the hum drum 9-5 where I have to ask to have 3 weeks of vacation a year and the company dictates how much I'm worth. Maybe I sound like a true Millenial but at the end of the day. That's how I really feel.
The Cycle
I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it. - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City
Growth is inevitable. Well, at least to me. I have never envisioned myself to ever stay stagnant. To not continue learning about the world, life, and myself. I know I'm not perfect. I don't think anyone is. Everyone is their own definition of who they allowed themselves to be. Some are just unaware how they got to where they are. I remember in college, I had a roommate who was my friend, at the time, and she was doing a study on Puerto Ricans and their role in society. Because Puerto Ricans are citizens of the U.S., they are eligible for benefits like welfare which they take advantage of especially in low income neighborhoods. Her study was specifically in Chicago. Anyhow, she talked about the "Cycle of Poverty". I always found this interesting because it solidified the notion that sometimes we just don't know any better because we weren't taught. This idea basically meant that because these Puerto Ricans learned to live in poor conditions, survive in low income areas, and had no aspirations to live any other way, they passed on these traits to their children who continued the trend. Thus, ensuing a cycle that continued. Granted, there was always the exception but that's all it is, the exception, not the rule.
I have always been a student of people. Learning their behavior, their reactions, and so on to understand why they would say the things they said or did the things they did. When I dated, it became a little bit of a challenge until I actually really liked the person and got really frustrated when they didn't see what I saw. The potential of a great thing. Luckily, God had a plan and landed me with the Comedian. I am forever grateful for that.
I didn't learn very much from my parents. They did teach me to be a good person and to be considerate of people's feelings but I wasn't taught about money or love or how to deal with sketchy people. My mom was never really into makeup or clothes, she's a very plain woman. She's a peaceful, reserved woman. And I came out like a thunderbolt ready to strike the next social gathering. Plus she had straight hair. Not me...lol. Let's say, I've been referred to Shakira on a regular basis because of my wild curls. I learned how to blow dry my hair from my hair stylist, friends, and youtube. I learned how to apply makeup by the back of pallets of eyeshadow and youtube. This is because I wanted to be someone who wanted to be a bit more fashionable and I realized I never learned that from my mom. I LOVE shoes and she wonders why I have so many.
My point out of all of this that you have the choice to decide who you want to be. Like Carrie from Sex and the City, I know that I will never be the perfect girl who can keep her clothes clean through a meal. Hell, for whatever reason I always manage to get something on myself. I will always be the person who walks accidentally into a pole or falls in public. But that's who I accept. Whatever I want to change, is my own choice. I know I won't every be a statistic unless it comes to cliche surveys on how many shoes I own.
Love yourself and who you are. You are unique in your own right. If you don't like the situation you're in, change it. You are the designer of your life. Don't let excuses on why things aren't the way you planned get in the way. Because you are the only reason you got to where you are.
The Road to Self Discovery
I finally did it. I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. It has been a struggle in many avenues of my life during the beginning of the year, however, I found that I stepped on this road to finding out what I really wanted and how to really express myself. For those who know me, I'm not necessarily the best at expressing myself verbally but when it comes to pen and paper, I am fluent in emotion. I think the current relationship I'm in has opened my eyes in who I am as a person in a relationship. I look back in all of my experiences and I find that I really needed someone to invest in me, the person I am.I'm stubborn, I really don't know how I feel until 20 minutes later, and I stutter when I'm angry. It's a bit astonishing because I recall some past relationships where I used to fight all of time when I'm not an aggressive person. I think some people just know how to push your buttons. I tend to be a really patient person so a lot of things don't bother me. I really don't like those who are inconsiderate and always try to find the easiest way out. Maybe I can be a little hard, but my business upbringing wasn't exactly a walk in the park. I have a little birdie in my head that always says, "Don't do something if you're going to do it half ass." I tend to want to be as hard on people as I am myself and I have to remember, they are not me. So relax!
I know you're sitting there wondering, "Alright already! What do you want to be when you grow up?" Fine, I'll tell you! I want to be a Corporate Trainer and do training development. I really have a passion for teaching people and I would get to integrate writing in the process... boom! Now, I know you're thinking, why don't you just be a teacher? In all honesty, I'm not a kids person. I love the ones in my life, but dealing with other kids and their potentially bad upbringing. I don't have the patience for it. I do, however, want to commend the teachers that do and love their job. Thank you for molding the future.
I look forward to this journey. See you at the finish line!
In My Head
I am starting to become accustomed to this non scheduled way of posting. It seems I can only write when there's a spare moment of inspiration in my busy life. Sigh. But I created my life this way, so I keep on truckin'. I have these sudden bouts of crazy emotion the same time every month. I honestly don't know what to do with them. I get upset pretty quickly and I'm just better left alone. I never understood why people have the urge to want to fix what is wrong but in all reality, nothing is really wrong. I just have a heightened sense of self and I didn't realize how I reacted until it was too late.
I believe in the "Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle speaks about women not being themselves during this time. I have had such difficulty honing on how to be present and find peace when my reactions tend to be a little erratic. Most of the time, I find myself talking my way out of it in my head. I guess that's what it means when you're "in your head". I get lost in there sometimes.
I believe its true with those who have a creative mind. They get lost in their ideas, dreams, and visions, they forget there's a reality to live. I think that's why I've never been good at taking pictures. I'm in my head, in that moment,and I forget that I should remember it by taking a snapshot. There are so many memories from college I wish I had a picture of but I never stopped to take a picture. Luckily, the Comedian is a picture person, so problem solved!
My point out of all of this is to remind yourself to stop and see the moment for what it is. Get out of your head and slow down. I'm partially saying this to myself as a reminder. Then again, blogging has always been a good way to remind myself that this is the mindset I have and how I want to grow.