2017 - The Building Year

Scrolling through my Instagram feed yesterday, I stumbled upon one of my favorite end-of-year traditions—#2017thebestnine. Naturally, I had to join the fun and check out my top nine posts.
The collage made me stop and reflect on just how much has happened this past year.

year in reviwer

Why the “Building Year”?

As I mentioned in my IG post, I made a huge leap: I left my full-time, comfy corporate job to pursue freelance writing full-time.

Let me tell you—it’s freaking scary.

There’s no regular paycheck, no HR department to chase down when payment is delayed. Some clients are consistent, others pay after projects are complete, and a few… well, let’s just say they test my patience.

But somehow, I’ve managed to keep my head above water. And that, my friends, is a win.

One major lesson I learned: Pitching for new work is just as important as doing the work. I also realized that my energy needs to go toward growing Val’s Bytes. Writing is my passion, but this blog is my heart.

My Everlasting Wanderlust

I’ll say it again—I LOVE to travel. The Comedian and I went to Italy and Greece this past year, and it was beyond anything I imagined. The blue waters of Santorini? Unreal. The tomatoes in Sicily? Life-changing.

I told him we only scratched the surface. But… I did promise to give him a six-month break from my travel obsession. (We’ll see how long that lasts.)

the building year

Growth for Val’s Bytes

It’s amazing what happens when you pray with purpose and take action.

This year, I:

• Launched the Love Bits & Bytes podcast

• Earned my matchmaker certification

• Hosted on Throwback Vibez, an online radio station

• Took on new clients and wrote like crazy

Behind the scenes, I’m working on:

• A brand new Val’s Bytes website

• My first ebook—a curated collection of my favorite blogs

• Building out Fox Hunt Digital, a new marketing services brand with a stellar team

I’m also investing in me. There’s so much wisdom in the world—books, courses, tools—that help you grow emotionally and spiritually. If you want recommendations, hit me up. Seriously.

the building year

What’s to Come

In 2018, you’ll start to see everything I’ve been working on come to life. More love coaching, more dating content, more connection.

I sincerely believe our gifts are meant to be shared. Mine? Helping people love themselves deeply so they can attract real, healthy love.

If you're thinking about going freelance or starting something new, let’s talk. I’m here to help you build.

Final Thoughts

Was 2017 hard? Absolutely. But I don’t regret much—except maybe the BBQ that settled permanently on my waistline. 😅

Still, I survived. I grew. I believed in myself. And I built.

If you hate your situation, make a plan to save yourself. Because no one’s coming to rescue you.
You’ve got to be your own hero.

Here’s to a year of courage, clarity, and creation.

See you next year!
—Val 💛

the building year

Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

When we talk about breakups, we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are. I was in a relationship for almost nine years, and when that ended, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. So, if you’re reading this and you are pre-breakup, mid-breakup, or even post and trying to move on, start with changing your thoughts about break up. It is positive, it’s change, it’s a new beginning, and most importantly, it’s a new you. Getting your heart broken is the way to start over and make a life you will never need a vacation from and will never need to break up with. It’s so easy to say this, so I have made a list of things that helped me move on and get to that positive place. Here they are…

Cry, scream, and be all the emotions

What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.

You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”

That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.

Make a list of all the things that annoyed you

Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life

Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is

“You are YOU and that is your power.”

Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.

Change your self-talk

A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will.  It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.

Start working out

Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving.  There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

Try new things and meet new people

Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

Go on vacation

traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.

Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts

I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

Re-establish friendships with friends and family.

Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

Create goals

Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

And finally, upgrade on that relationship

This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

Follow me on Instagram @heidimaesearle

And Facebook at Heidi Mae Searle

The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!

5 Signs You're in a Bad Relationship

Are you dating a narcissist? Master Manipulator? Emotional Terrorist? Here are some signs that you are in a bad relationship. I was told these signs a million times by people over the past years, and I pushed them back saying “he isn’t abusive things aren’t that bad, he doesn’t hit me.” If you find that you are doing this and minimizing the abuse maybe you need to take a step back and honestly evaluate your relationship. So here is a list of 4 things to watch out for and can show you that maybe it’s time to move on from this relationship.

1.  He Controls everything.

And it starts with your activities together it’s with his friends, his hobbies, and it’s all in his time; the activities you want to do never seem to work out. He isolates you from your family; you don’t see them as often as you did. Soon you start making up excuses to the people you love on why you never see them and why he never comes to you. He sabotages your friendships making you think that you choose to get rid of your friends.  Then control goes on steroids, and you start working from home, you no longer have a car, and when you leave the house, he is texting and calling wondering who you are with and how long you will be.  Soon he controls the money, and you no longer have your own, even though you work for it. Now don’t get me started with the sex because that’s going to be controlled too. It will be his choice on his time and his way. You will be left unsatisfied and unfulfilled with life and the relationship and when you complain he will make you feel like everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Like I said before he is in control of everything, so he is going to control the blame.  This is manipulation at its finest, and it will make you think you are crazy. Take a second and stay grounded; it takes two to tango so don’t think the bad relationship is all your fault.

2.  History of past Abuse.

How does your partner talk about his ex’s? Does he refer to them as crazy? When he talks about who he dated, did it end badly with each one?  You better think twice about being with someone that talks that way. There is a common denominator, and I don’t think it’s that he only finds crazy women to date. A strong, grounded, mature person doesn’t have to label someone as something to protect their ego. A man that has integrity can date remain friendly after it’s over. Listen to the ghosts of his past, they are telling you exactly who he is, and someone like this doesn’t find crazies he creates crazies.

3.  The giving and taking are not the same.

In a bad relationship, there will always be one person that is the taker and the other the giver. That’s how you have been able to stay with him so long but also the reason that you’re feeling drained. You’re giving everything and doing everything, and he will give you enough to keep you around.

4.  The game of emotional abuse: belittling and stonewalling.

Does he tell you things that are physically wrong with your body? Does he always fail to celebrate your successes? Does he stand up for you with friends or family? Does he call you his doormat? Then when you get upset (because these are all hurtful things), he then ignores you till you apologize for getting angry? This is all in the plan because if you think you aren’t enough for him, you get so low that you get to thinking you can’t live without him. You will bend over backward doing anything he wants to keep him around. No one deserves to be a doormat, close that door immediately and open another that will lift up the doormat, dust it off and treat you like the amazing woman you are.

5.  Cycle of abuse

Another reason you stay because when it is good, it’s SO GOOD. I remember crying after my ex, and I bought a house together, and we saged it and talked about all the positive things that were going to happen in the house. Well for once we did an activity I wanted to do.  And it was fun, happy, and he was all in and paying 100% attention to me. The high of things going well never lasts. Eventually, the honeymoon stage is over, and the cycle begins again. He will belittle, Stonewall or flat out choose anything or anyone over you; you then get upset and then you’re called crazy. Meanwhile, you think it’s your fault and stay because you  THINK you can learn not to be crazy. But in reality, you aren’t crazy, and anyone that gets belittled, stonewalled and flat out chosen last would be upset. You are Normal; You will find a reasonable person to love, and you will be fulfilled and completely healthy.

So if you can relate to this list and you think your relationship is very similar, Please Go! You’re beautiful, smart, strong, and even though you have been conditioned to think otherwise and even though it will be the hardest thing you have ever done; do it. He will never change, and you will stay unfulfilled and drained. You can have a best friend as a partner, someone that’s excited to see you. I remained in an abusive relationship for almost ten years, in the end after I changed my bad habits and worked on myself and came to find it still was not working because he didn’t want it too. I tried to leave three times before I did. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Now that it’s all over and I’ve been with an amazing man I have the relationship that mirrors my parents. I am so glad I did it. It took a long time to get here, and I’m so proud to be where I am and be who I am. We are both in love with each other and will do anything to make sure each other are happy. I didn’t think this existed, and I didn’t think a relationship could be natural, and it is.

Thanks for coming to the party today, I’m sorry it feels like such a downer, but it does end well. This story has ended happily ever after for me, and I hope this post helps change someone’s nightmare into a fairytale. Life is too short, and we only regret the things we never did. You won’t regret living a more fulfilled life and leaving the draining relationship. Let me know if you liked the post or it helped you in some way by commenting and sharing.

XOXO

What to Expect When... Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.

Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.

The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?

I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.

Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.

A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.

I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.

There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)

So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.

Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

• Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

• 100 Random Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 40 Personal Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

The Friend Zone

Sometimes, I get calls from my guy friends—the ones who are still single—asking the same question over and over:
“How did I end up in the friend zone?”

It’s the one struggle they just can’t seem to shake. And I get it. It stings. It’s frustrating. It’s confusing.
But here’s the truth I always tell them: a woman usually knows what she wants within the first 30 seconds of meeting you. She may change her mind later, sure. You may grow on her. But let’s be honest—that’s the exception, not the rule.

The biggest trap of the friend zone is when the guy becomes infatuated with the idea of the woman. Suddenly, she’s not just a friend—she’s the one. The fantasy grows: “Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
But most of the time, she won’t.

And yet, my sweet, hopeful, slightly masochistic guy friends cling to the dream. They convince themselves that one day, their dream girl will wake up and realize it’s been them all along.

Listen—I’m spiritual, yes. I believe in timing, energy, divine intervention. But I’m also a realist.
When the right person comes into your life, you will know. It won’t be a tug-of-war. It won’t leave you guessing. It will just feel… right. And if it doesn’t feel that way? Don’t force it.

Here’s a hard truth:
A lot of people who end up in the friend zone have a common trait—they’re too scared to make a move. They wait. They stay silent. They play it safe. But here’s the thing: most women want a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. A man with confidence. A man who leads.

And if you do walk away from the “friendship” and they come back? That’s your moment to take control of the narrative. Let them know where you stand. That you’re looking for something real. If they can’t give that to you, let them go—without resentment, without bitterness. On your terms.

You’ve probably heard the adage:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.”

But here’s the part people forget: don’t lose yourself waiting for something that may never return.

There’s one particular person I’m thinking of while writing this, and it breaks my heart to see people I care about in pain over someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I know it’s hard. I know it feels cruel. But if someone is dragging you along while reaping the benefits of your emotional labor, that’s not love—it’s manipulation.

And honestly? That kind of connection becomes a slow poison. It erodes your self-worth.
Let. It. Go.

I’ve done it. I’ve cut the chord. And guess what? I’m still standing—and so much happier for it.

Women (and men, for that matter) don’t always know what they want until it’s right in front of them. But that doesn’t mean it’s your job to wait around just in case they figure it out. Especially when feelings are involved—someone always gets hurt.

So here’s my advice:
Walk away. Reconnect with friends who see you just as you are. Invest in yourself. Live your life fully. Because when the right person comes along, it will feel different. You won’t have to beg or prove your worth.

You are not a backup plan.
You are not someone’s “maybe.”
You are not meant to sit on the sidelines of your own love story.

Only you are responsible for your happiness.
So if you’re stuck in a cycle that’s driving you nuts, it’s time to choose you.

No more salt on open wounds. Heal. And move forward.

The Cycle

“I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.”
— Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Growth is inevitable—or at least, it should be. I’ve never been the kind of person who’s okay with staying stagnant. I want to keep learning—about the world, about life, about myself.

I know I’m not perfect. None of us are. We’re all walking definitions of the choices we’ve made—or the ones we never realized we were making. Some people don’t even know how they ended up where they are.

I remember back in college, my roommate—who was also a friend at the time—was doing a research study on Puerto Ricans and their role in society. Her focus was on Chicago, and specifically the "cycle of poverty." The idea was that Puerto Ricans, as U.S. citizens eligible for government benefits like welfare, were often trapped in low-income neighborhoods, surviving but not necessarily striving. That environment, passed from generation to generation, became their normal. And so, the cycle continued.

Sure, there are always exceptions—but that’s the thing. They’re exceptions, not the rule.

That concept stuck with me. It explained a lot about why people operate the way they do: sometimes, they just haven’t been shown another way.

I’ve always been a student of people. I watch behaviors. I analyze reactions. I’m curious about why people say the things they say and do the things they do. That curiosity served me in dating… until I actually liked someone and got frustrated when they didn’t see the potential I saw. The potential for something great.

Thankfully, God had a plan. And in walked the Comedian. I am forever grateful for that.

I didn’t learn everything I needed from my parents. They gave me a foundation—how to be kind, how to care about people’s feelings—but they didn’t teach me about money, love, or how to handle sketchy people. My mom was never into makeup or fashion. She’s a peaceful, reserved woman. I, on the other hand, came out like a thunderbolt—loud, animated, ready to light up the next social gathering.

She has silky straight hair. I was born with wild, curly locks. People still call me Shakira. I had to teach myself everything—from how to blow dry my hair (shout out to YouTube) to how to apply makeup (thanks, eyeshadow palette instructions). I figured it out because I wanted to. I wanted to express a version of myself that felt fun, confident, me.

I love fashion. I love shoes. And my mom still can’t figure out why I own so many.

But that’s the point. You get to choose who you become.

Like Carrie Bradshaw said, I know I’ll never be the girl with perfect hair who can keep her white outfit clean through a meal. For whatever reason, I always manage to spill on myself. I’m also the girl who walks into poles, trips in public, and laughs through the embarrassment. And I accept that.

Whatever I want to change, I’ll change. But I do it on my terms.

I know I’ll never be a statistic—unless we’re talking about how many pairs of heels I own (guilty as charged).

So here’s the truth:
Love yourself as you are. You are unique. If you don’t like the situation you’re in, change it. You are the designer of your life. Don’t let excuses become roadblocks.

Because the truth is—wherever you are right now, you got there.
And that means you can get somewhere else, too.

The Road to Self-Discovery

I finally did it. I figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

It’s taken time—and more than a few detours—but I’ve landed on something that feels right. The beginning of this year came with its fair share of struggles, but somewhere along the way, I stepped onto this road of clarity and self-expression. And let me tell you, it’s been enlightening.

If you know me, you know I don’t always express myself best out loud. But give me a pen and paper, and suddenly, I’m fluent in emotion. Writing has always been my safe space, my outlet, my translator. And lately, I've been learning so much about myself—especially in relationships. This current one? It's been a mirror. It's shown me who I really am when I care deeply about someone.

I’m stubborn. I don’t always know how I feel until twenty minutes later. And when I’m angry, I stutter. (Yes, really.) Looking back, some of my past relationships were filled with arguments, which now feels so foreign to me. I’m not naturally aggressive. But some people... they just know how to push your buttons. Still, I’ve always been patient. I try not to let things get to me—but what does get to me is inconsideration. Or people who are always looking for the easy way out.

Maybe I come off a little intense sometimes. My business upbringing wasn’t exactly all hugs and rainbows. There’s a little birdie in my head constantly chirping, “Don’t do anything half-assed.” And because of that, I hold others to the same standard. But I’ve been working on softening that edge—reminding myself: They are not me. Relax.

Anyway, I know what you’re wondering: Okay, but what do you want to be when you grow up?

Fine. I’ll tell you.

I want to be a Corporate Trainer. I want to create and lead training and development. I want to teach, guide, and empower adults—and yes, I get to write in the process. Boom.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why not just be a teacher? Here's the thing—I'm not a kids person. I love the ones in my life, truly. But dealing with other people’s kids (and their possibly questionable home training)? Not my lane. And that’s okay. I have so much respect for the teachers who do that work and do it well. Thank you for showing up, for shaping the future.

As for me? I’m stepping confidently into this new direction. I’m excited to grow, to lead, and to finally merge my passions in a meaningful way.

See you at the finish line. 🚀

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

It’s late and I really should be reading an article for class—yes, I’m back in school pursuing my MBA. I’m not entirely sure where it’ll lead me, but the future feels full of promise. For now, I’m in one of those late-night reflective moods. A little random, a little philosophical.

Lately, I’ve found myself becoming more and more a student of human behavior. The more I experience and learn, the more I notice how easily egos can be bruised—especially when the hurt comes from someone we hold in high regard. I’m not immune to it. Sometimes it feels like one careless comment can slash straight through your confidence.

But then I remember that childhood comeback: “I’m rubber, you’re glue—whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Kids really had it right. What changed? I think puberty turned us all into emotional puddles.

We forget that the present is all we truly have. Not the past we can’t change or the future we can’t predict—but the now. And now is always the best moment if we let it be.

I’ve always tried to be an advocate for living life happily. Sure, bad things happen—losses, heartbreak, setbacks. But those are the things that teach us. They push us to grow. And through it all, I’ve realized one thing: the less you care about what people think, the more you get to be yourself. Fully. Unapologetically.

I know my friends and family love me for exactly that—my love of life, my goofy laugh, my corny jokes, and my random trivia I feel everyone must know. And that’s the best kind of love: the kind that grows when you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s comfort.

So let the criticism bounce off. You’re rubber, remember?

Let people love you for being you.

Our Ego Makes Us Judge

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
—Matthew 7:1–2 (KJV)

Society and scripture often feel like they’re at odds. While the Bible teaches us not to judge, social media and pop culture seem to encourage it. We scroll past people’s outfits, comment on their parenting styles, question how often they post—and Reality TV? It's made an empire out of drama and public opinion. We've become so accustomed to critiquing others that we often forget to reflect on how we should actually treat people.

I try to remind myself not to scrutinize others—it’s not my place. But I’ll be honest, there's still a quiet voice in my head that tries to override that. Judgment has become second nature in a world that rewards comparison. But if I truly believe that we are created in God’s image, then judgment isn’t my job. That’s His alone. Most religions share this sentiment: we are meant to love others, even when we don’t agree with them.

This has been hard for me to accept, especially because I’ve always felt this deep desire to help people. But somewhere along the line, I started confusing help with control. I wasn’t guiding them for them—I was trying to mold them into someone more like me. Someone once asked me:

“Why do you feel the need to correct people’s grammar? Is it for them, or for you?”

Oof. That question landed hard.

Because honestly, it was for me. It was about boosting my ego—feeling helpful, needed, or “right.” It took me a long time to understand that unsolicited help is often just another form of control. And control, at its core, is ego in disguise. When we try to orchestrate how others should act or speak, we're really just trying to comfort ourselves.

I’ve lived alone for a long time, and I know I’ve grown a little set in my ways. I like order. I like structure. But I’m realizing that clinging to control only leads to disappointment and stress. Letting go feels counterintuitive… but it's freeing.

Wedding planning is a perfect example. I’ve talked to a few guy friends going through it, and they’re frazzled. Why? Because everyone wants the day to be perfect. We obsess over details, timelines, and seating charts, thinking we can control the outcome. But in the end, the day unfolds how it’s meant to—bumps and all—and it's still beautiful. Just like life.

So here’s what I’m practicing: Let life happen. Let people be who they are. Offer help when it’s asked for. And above all, let go of judgment. There is peace in releasing control, and clarity when ego is set aside. Work hard, stay kind, and trust that things will unfold as they’re meant to.

The Fall Air

Fall Leaves

Something about fall always brings back a flood of memories. The air smells different—yes, even in Florida. There’s something about it that signals the holidays are coming. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it stirs something in me. A shift. My emotions change with the season.

When I went away to college, I told myself I could handle the transition. I was a military brat, after all—adaptability was supposed to be in my DNA. But I didn’t realize how much I relied on the structure of my family to feel grounded. That year, everything around me was changing. My mom remarried, my sister moved away with her boyfriend, and my relationship with my father felt distant. I was navigating a new world and completely lost in it.

That was when the depression first hit. I tried to put on a strong face, but inside I was unraveling. Eventually, I reached out for help and started counseling. That’s when I was diagnosed with seasonal depression—the kind that creeps in during specific times of the year. For me, it was fall.

Year after year, the darkness would return. I’d crave a sense of family, a feeling of belonging. More than anything, I wanted to celebrate the holidays somewhere I felt truly accepted. Instead, I often found myself curled up in my room, sleeping until the afternoon because the darkness felt safer than the light.

Over time, I learned to manage the emotional spiral. There were even a few years where the heaviness skipped me entirely. But then last year, it returned. That same aching loneliness. I’d look at people and feel tears welling up for no reason. I felt invisible—until something shifted.

I watched The Secret, and for the first time in a long while, I felt hopeful. It reminded me that happiness doesn’t come from the people who surround you—it begins with you. I realized I’d been waiting to receive love, when I already had it. I was rich in friendships, in memories, in lessons. And above all, I was never truly alone.

God has always been there—quiet, steady, and faithful. In Him, I found not just peace, but family, friendship, and purpose.

There’s no point in living life under a cloud of negativity. Everyone has their own story, their own pain. But like I always say: what shapes you isn’t just what you’ve been through—it’s how you choose to grow from it.