5 Ways to Boost Your Confidence (Even on the Tough Days)

Being a strong woman in a world that’s constantly trying to dim your light can be exhausting. I literally just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert—after putting it off for ages and watching the movie at least 500 times—and her story left me inspired. Especially her time in India, which helped her reclaim her confidence.

It’s easy to forget how beautiful, smart, sassy, and downright unstoppable we are. So on those days when you’re feeling just a bit “meh,” here are five ways to pick yourself up and remind the world exactly who you are.

1. Dress the Way You Want to Feel

It’s wild what clothes can do for our self-esteem. Ever looked in the mirror and said, “Damn, I look good”? You can feel like that every day.

You’ve heard it before:

“Dress for the job you want.”

Well, dress for the mood you want to. Want to feel sexy? Rock that lace thong that makes you feel like a total vixen. Need to own the day? Slip on your favorite power suit. What you wear on the outside can shift everything on the inside.

2. Drop the Negativity

Negativity is sneaky. Sometimes it comes disguised as friends, gossip, or “just venting.” And yes, it’s easy to get sucked in—hello, reality TV addiction—but it’s toxic to your confidence.

Here’s a little truth bomb: some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If their season has ended and they’re dragging you down, it’s time to lovingly let go. Confidence starts with you, not what they think of you.

3. Talk to Yourself (In a Good Way)

Yes, I mean it—talk to yourself in the mirror. Find a mantra and say it daily. Something like:

“I am beautiful, and no one is going to dim my shine today.”

Or…

“I am a force, and today is mine to own.”

At first, it may feel silly. But self-talk is powerful. Say it until you believe it. And if you don’t believe it? Say it again. And again.

4. Move That Body

You don’t need a gym membership—just move. Dance in your kitchen, go for a walk, do a quick YouTube workout. Exercise releases endorphins, those magical chemicals that make you feel good (think baby laughter, but internal).

And beyond that, it gives you more energy, a better mood, and a serious glow-up in the confidence department.

5. Surround Yourself with Positivity

You are the company you keep. Hang with people who challenge you, uplift you, and believe in your greatness. I’ve been blessed with incredible friends who inspire me every time we’re together—smart, strong, and endlessly supportive.

Yes, it took a while to clear the toxic energy, but it was worth every bit of that journey. Find a mentor, lean into your tribe, and watch your confidence soar.

One final thought: these are tips, not a cure. If you’re experiencing depression, please seek help. As someone who’s been there, I know it’s not easy to get out of your own way. You don’t have to go it alone.

So stay sassy, stay confident, and never forget:
You are the most beautiful woman in the world.

Friends, confidence

The Friend Zone

Sometimes, I get calls from my guy friends—the ones who are still single—asking the same question over and over:
“How did I end up in the friend zone?”

It’s the one struggle they just can’t seem to shake. And I get it. It stings. It’s frustrating. It’s confusing.
But here’s the truth I always tell them: a woman usually knows what she wants within the first 30 seconds of meeting you. She may change her mind later, sure. You may grow on her. But let’s be honest—that’s the exception, not the rule.

The biggest trap of the friend zone is when the guy becomes infatuated with the idea of the woman. Suddenly, she’s not just a friend—she’s the one. The fantasy grows: “Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
But most of the time, she won’t.

And yet, my sweet, hopeful, slightly masochistic guy friends cling to the dream. They convince themselves that one day, their dream girl will wake up and realize it’s been them all along.

Listen—I’m spiritual, yes. I believe in timing, energy, divine intervention. But I’m also a realist.
When the right person comes into your life, you will know. It won’t be a tug-of-war. It won’t leave you guessing. It will just feel… right. And if it doesn’t feel that way? Don’t force it.

Here’s a hard truth:
A lot of people who end up in the friend zone have a common trait—they’re too scared to make a move. They wait. They stay silent. They play it safe. But here’s the thing: most women want a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. A man with confidence. A man who leads.

And if you do walk away from the “friendship” and they come back? That’s your moment to take control of the narrative. Let them know where you stand. That you’re looking for something real. If they can’t give that to you, let them go—without resentment, without bitterness. On your terms.

You’ve probably heard the adage:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.”

But here’s the part people forget: don’t lose yourself waiting for something that may never return.

There’s one particular person I’m thinking of while writing this, and it breaks my heart to see people I care about in pain over someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I know it’s hard. I know it feels cruel. But if someone is dragging you along while reaping the benefits of your emotional labor, that’s not love—it’s manipulation.

And honestly? That kind of connection becomes a slow poison. It erodes your self-worth.
Let. It. Go.

I’ve done it. I’ve cut the chord. And guess what? I’m still standing—and so much happier for it.

Women (and men, for that matter) don’t always know what they want until it’s right in front of them. But that doesn’t mean it’s your job to wait around just in case they figure it out. Especially when feelings are involved—someone always gets hurt.

So here’s my advice:
Walk away. Reconnect with friends who see you just as you are. Invest in yourself. Live your life fully. Because when the right person comes along, it will feel different. You won’t have to beg or prove your worth.

You are not a backup plan.
You are not someone’s “maybe.”
You are not meant to sit on the sidelines of your own love story.

Only you are responsible for your happiness.
So if you’re stuck in a cycle that’s driving you nuts, it’s time to choose you.

No more salt on open wounds. Heal. And move forward.

The Cycle

“I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.”
— Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Growth is inevitable—or at least, it should be. I’ve never been the kind of person who’s okay with staying stagnant. I want to keep learning—about the world, about life, about myself.

I know I’m not perfect. None of us are. We’re all walking definitions of the choices we’ve made—or the ones we never realized we were making. Some people don’t even know how they ended up where they are.

I remember back in college, my roommate—who was also a friend at the time—was doing a research study on Puerto Ricans and their role in society. Her focus was on Chicago, and specifically the "cycle of poverty." The idea was that Puerto Ricans, as U.S. citizens eligible for government benefits like welfare, were often trapped in low-income neighborhoods, surviving but not necessarily striving. That environment, passed from generation to generation, became their normal. And so, the cycle continued.

Sure, there are always exceptions—but that’s the thing. They’re exceptions, not the rule.

That concept stuck with me. It explained a lot about why people operate the way they do: sometimes, they just haven’t been shown another way.

I’ve always been a student of people. I watch behaviors. I analyze reactions. I’m curious about why people say the things they say and do the things they do. That curiosity served me in dating… until I actually liked someone and got frustrated when they didn’t see the potential I saw. The potential for something great.

Thankfully, God had a plan. And in walked the Comedian. I am forever grateful for that.

I didn’t learn everything I needed from my parents. They gave me a foundation—how to be kind, how to care about people’s feelings—but they didn’t teach me about money, love, or how to handle sketchy people. My mom was never into makeup or fashion. She’s a peaceful, reserved woman. I, on the other hand, came out like a thunderbolt—loud, animated, ready to light up the next social gathering.

She has silky straight hair. I was born with wild, curly locks. People still call me Shakira. I had to teach myself everything—from how to blow dry my hair (shout out to YouTube) to how to apply makeup (thanks, eyeshadow palette instructions). I figured it out because I wanted to. I wanted to express a version of myself that felt fun, confident, me.

I love fashion. I love shoes. And my mom still can’t figure out why I own so many.

But that’s the point. You get to choose who you become.

Like Carrie Bradshaw said, I know I’ll never be the girl with perfect hair who can keep her white outfit clean through a meal. For whatever reason, I always manage to spill on myself. I’m also the girl who walks into poles, trips in public, and laughs through the embarrassment. And I accept that.

Whatever I want to change, I’ll change. But I do it on my terms.

I know I’ll never be a statistic—unless we’re talking about how many pairs of heels I own (guilty as charged).

So here’s the truth:
Love yourself as you are. You are unique. If you don’t like the situation you’re in, change it. You are the designer of your life. Don’t let excuses become roadblocks.

Because the truth is—wherever you are right now, you got there.
And that means you can get somewhere else, too.

The Road to Self-Discovery

I finally did it. I figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

It’s taken time—and more than a few detours—but I’ve landed on something that feels right. The beginning of this year came with its fair share of struggles, but somewhere along the way, I stepped onto this road of clarity and self-expression. And let me tell you, it’s been enlightening.

If you know me, you know I don’t always express myself best out loud. But give me a pen and paper, and suddenly, I’m fluent in emotion. Writing has always been my safe space, my outlet, my translator. And lately, I've been learning so much about myself—especially in relationships. This current one? It's been a mirror. It's shown me who I really am when I care deeply about someone.

I’m stubborn. I don’t always know how I feel until twenty minutes later. And when I’m angry, I stutter. (Yes, really.) Looking back, some of my past relationships were filled with arguments, which now feels so foreign to me. I’m not naturally aggressive. But some people... they just know how to push your buttons. Still, I’ve always been patient. I try not to let things get to me—but what does get to me is inconsideration. Or people who are always looking for the easy way out.

Maybe I come off a little intense sometimes. My business upbringing wasn’t exactly all hugs and rainbows. There’s a little birdie in my head constantly chirping, “Don’t do anything half-assed.” And because of that, I hold others to the same standard. But I’ve been working on softening that edge—reminding myself: They are not me. Relax.

Anyway, I know what you’re wondering: Okay, but what do you want to be when you grow up?

Fine. I’ll tell you.

I want to be a Corporate Trainer. I want to create and lead training and development. I want to teach, guide, and empower adults—and yes, I get to write in the process. Boom.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why not just be a teacher? Here's the thing—I'm not a kids person. I love the ones in my life, truly. But dealing with other people’s kids (and their possibly questionable home training)? Not my lane. And that’s okay. I have so much respect for the teachers who do that work and do it well. Thank you for showing up, for shaping the future.

As for me? I’m stepping confidently into this new direction. I’m excited to grow, to lead, and to finally merge my passions in a meaningful way.

See you at the finish line. 🚀

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

It’s late and I really should be reading an article for class—yes, I’m back in school pursuing my MBA. I’m not entirely sure where it’ll lead me, but the future feels full of promise. For now, I’m in one of those late-night reflective moods. A little random, a little philosophical.

Lately, I’ve found myself becoming more and more a student of human behavior. The more I experience and learn, the more I notice how easily egos can be bruised—especially when the hurt comes from someone we hold in high regard. I’m not immune to it. Sometimes it feels like one careless comment can slash straight through your confidence.

But then I remember that childhood comeback: “I’m rubber, you’re glue—whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Kids really had it right. What changed? I think puberty turned us all into emotional puddles.

We forget that the present is all we truly have. Not the past we can’t change or the future we can’t predict—but the now. And now is always the best moment if we let it be.

I’ve always tried to be an advocate for living life happily. Sure, bad things happen—losses, heartbreak, setbacks. But those are the things that teach us. They push us to grow. And through it all, I’ve realized one thing: the less you care about what people think, the more you get to be yourself. Fully. Unapologetically.

I know my friends and family love me for exactly that—my love of life, my goofy laugh, my corny jokes, and my random trivia I feel everyone must know. And that’s the best kind of love: the kind that grows when you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s comfort.

So let the criticism bounce off. You’re rubber, remember?

Let people love you for being you.

You're in Charge of Your Love Life

A comment was made to me recently that stirred up some emotions I hadn’t encountered in a while. I won’t repeat it—it’s not worth incriminating anyone—but it made me reflect on my dating journey.

I’ve told several people in my life how grateful I am to have met someone truly special at 30. Honestly, if I had settled down with the first person I fell in love with, I’d probably be unhappy now. If you’ve followed my blogs, you know I’ve met all kinds of men—each one teaching me something about what I truly want and need in a partner.

Call me naïve, but I genuinely believe that being single as long as I was prepared me to fully appreciate the Comedian. Sometimes, it feels like serendipity. I gave a few men second chances—trying to let go of the superficial standards I had in my early 20s—but those experiences flopped. And just when I gave up, shifted my focus, and stopped chasing... he appeared. Out of nowhere. Like God had been preparing me for him all along.

I don’t believe in a perfect person, but I do believe there’s a perfect person for me. And that’s what really matters.

That comment—the one that hit a nerve—reminded me that I do know what I have, and I am lucky. But more importantly, it reminded me how essential it is to know yourself. Know your wants. Your needs. Your limits. Your growth edges. No one else can define your destiny except you.

I recently rewatched The Wedding Date, and one quote hit me:

“Every woman has the exact love life she wants.”

At first, I bristled. But then I thought about it more. There’s a reason we date certain people, even the wrong ones. My advice? Get curious about those patterns. Dig deep. Ask yourself: What am I looking for? What am I avoiding? What am I attracting, and why?

Because once you know those answers, your love life starts aligning with your actual desires—not just your fears or habits. And that’s when the real magic begins.

You’re in charge of your love life. Always.

Is Rejection Worth the Risk?

bar-scene-07

I realized I haven’t posted in a while—but I promise to add new content more regularly this coming year. I’ll be starting my MBA in January, but you know what? Challenge accepted.

For whatever reason, I find it fascinating when the Comedian gives dating advice to his younger cousins. It’s not that what he says isn’t valid—it’s that it all makes complete sense. It’s like a window into the male brain. Since we met online, he never had to hit on me at a bar or throw out some cringey pickup line. But hearing his perspective still gives me a deeper understanding of the dating world from the other side.

I’ve spent years being single, dating, observing, laughing (sometimes crying) through it all—and I’ve definitely formed my own theories. For example: I’ve learned to smile when I want someone to come over. To laugh at their jokes (even if they’re bad). And I’ve come to admire what men deal with when it comes to rejection. Society often expects them to take charge, to initiate, to risk the “no.” Women have gotten bolder over the years—thankfully—but I’ll admit: when I’ve taken the lead, I’ve sometimes felt out of place. Too forward. Too masculine.

And let’s be honest: when I’ve approached a guy, about 75% of the time, I’ve been rejected. But when someone approaches me? There’s a 90% success rate for at least a decent conversation.

Now, I’m not saying don’t shoot your shot—by all means, do what works for you. I’ve just learned that for me, it’s more effective to make space for the connection to happen rather than force it. I also try to make the conversation about the other person, not me. The more I know about someone, the easier it is to see if we’re aligned. But again—that’s what works for me.

I said something the other day that felt like the most “me” metaphor possible:

“Dating is like math—there are different ways to get to the answer, but all that matters is you have the correct answer in the end.”

No matter who you are, there’s always a risk of rejection. But don’t let that stop you. There really are plenty of fish in the sea. And if someone doesn’t feel it, that just means they’re not your person.

My best friend once told me something I’ll never forget:

“If he doesn’t get your jokes, he’s not for you.”

And she was right. I have a unique sense of humor—equal parts dry, nerdy, and corny. I needed someone who would laugh with me or at least laugh because I’m laughing. Thankfully, the Comedian gets my jokes. Or at least pretends to, which is almost better.

So here’s my point: if you never take the chance, you’ll never know the outcome. Go for it. Risk the “no.” Because the worst that could happen? She says it. And you go on with your day. But the best that could happen? You find someone who laughs at your jokes—and gets you.

And that’s always worth the risk.

The Fall Air

Fall Leaves

Something about fall always brings back a flood of memories. The air smells different—yes, even in Florida. There’s something about it that signals the holidays are coming. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it stirs something in me. A shift. My emotions change with the season.

When I went away to college, I told myself I could handle the transition. I was a military brat, after all—adaptability was supposed to be in my DNA. But I didn’t realize how much I relied on the structure of my family to feel grounded. That year, everything around me was changing. My mom remarried, my sister moved away with her boyfriend, and my relationship with my father felt distant. I was navigating a new world and completely lost in it.

That was when the depression first hit. I tried to put on a strong face, but inside I was unraveling. Eventually, I reached out for help and started counseling. That’s when I was diagnosed with seasonal depression—the kind that creeps in during specific times of the year. For me, it was fall.

Year after year, the darkness would return. I’d crave a sense of family, a feeling of belonging. More than anything, I wanted to celebrate the holidays somewhere I felt truly accepted. Instead, I often found myself curled up in my room, sleeping until the afternoon because the darkness felt safer than the light.

Over time, I learned to manage the emotional spiral. There were even a few years where the heaviness skipped me entirely. But then last year, it returned. That same aching loneliness. I’d look at people and feel tears welling up for no reason. I felt invisible—until something shifted.

I watched The Secret, and for the first time in a long while, I felt hopeful. It reminded me that happiness doesn’t come from the people who surround you—it begins with you. I realized I’d been waiting to receive love, when I already had it. I was rich in friendships, in memories, in lessons. And above all, I was never truly alone.

God has always been there—quiet, steady, and faithful. In Him, I found not just peace, but family, friendship, and purpose.

There’s no point in living life under a cloud of negativity. Everyone has their own story, their own pain. But like I always say: what shapes you isn’t just what you’ve been through—it’s how you choose to grow from it.

The Urge to Write

overcome-writers-block

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last wrote in my infamous blog. Writer’s block? Maybe. Or maybe life has just been… a lot lately.

Since moving in with the Comedian, things have been nonstop. Work got wild, social plans multiplied, and suddenly our weekends aren’t so much ours as they are another square on the calendar. I long for the lazy mornings where I could look at him and ask, “So what do you want to do today?” These days, it’s more like, “Babe, what do we have scheduled this weekend?”

Don’t get me wrong—this isn’t a complaint. I’ve calmed down quite a bit since my wild college years (and let’s be real, finding my party-loving Orlando crew didn’t help back then either). But now? Babies and pregnancies are popping up in my friend group like whack-a-moles at a carnival. My coworkers love to joke that I’m next. I just smile and say, “Not yet—I haven’t been drinking the water.”

Recently though, I’ve been filling my quiet moments with podcasts—and honestly, I have the Comedian to thank for that. It started with his favorite, Bill Burr, and spiraled into binge-listening to creators like Pat Flynn and my latest obsession, Entrepreneurs on Fire. My mind’s been racing ever since. So many ideas. So many dreams. And right in the middle of it all is this urge—this calling—to write.

I know this blog is only the beginning. I know it’s going to evolve, just like I have. And maybe one day, I’ll look back on these entries as the seeds of something much bigger. Something I was destined to do.

Thank you, truly, for reading. Here’s to finding time, even when it feels like there’s none. ✨

Knowing Me First

“To love others, you must first love yourself.”
— Leo Buscaglia

I love myself

Since the chain of events that shifted my life in my early twenties, I’ve made it my mission to mold myself into the woman I want to be. And to do that, I had to get real about my emotional patterns.
Why do I get angry when this happens?
Why do I cry when that happens?
These questions would circle through my mind for years. Maybe personal growth was the path I was meant to walk. All I knew was—I wanted to understand me.

My biggest struggle? Handling emotions. I absolutely despise confrontation. I’ve always communicated better through writing (thank you, AOL chat rooms). But in romantic relationships, that became a problem. I’d vent to a third person instead of confronting my boyfriend directly—and one time, it backfired big time. My roommate ended up dating him after we broke up. Awkward. Painful. Lesson learned.

Eventually, I realized: when you start making excuses for someone, it’s time to check in with your own happiness. You shouldn’t want to change your partner. You should be with someone who naturally brings out the best version of you—not someone who drags you down.

When I’m upset, I still shake. Sometimes I cry. (Yes, I know... I sound like a mess—lol.) But over the years, I’ve learned how to recognize those reactions instead of letting them rule me. I don’t bottle things up anymore. I’m learning to handle things when they come up, not when it’s too late.

I’m not perfect. No one is. But I work on myself every single day.
Some days are good.
Some are great.
And others? Just plain awful.
But that’s life.

We are in charge of what we accept, what we allow, and what we choose to move through. So if you’re feeling stuck—ask yourself: What got me here? And more importantly: What am I going to do next?

Because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can save you.