My circle may be smaller now, but it’s stronger. I’d rather stand on the fringe with authenticity than sit at the center of something shallow. The people who remain see me, support me, and meet my effort with their own—and that’s worth everything.
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I want to do this while it’s still fresh.
I’ve spent the last few days editing all my previous blog posts—reading through the seasons of my life when I was single and when I was married. It’s been an emotional excavation. What prompted me to bring this blog back to life was a comment someone left on an old post. I had hidden the blog pages, but somehow they were still accessible through SEO searches. That comment stirred something in me, waking up a voice I thought had gone quiet.
Since then, I’ve been working on two books based on my life experiences. I needed a space to speak freely, to process what I’ve lived and what I’m still learning—something outside of the structured chapters of a book. I’ll get into more detail about both projects through upcoming blogs, but for now, just know: this relaunch isn’t random. It’s a reclaiming.
The last blog I wrote before pausing was around 2018. A lot has happened. Ironically, one of my final entries was about how dangerous it is to casually bring up divorce in a relationship. At the time, I believed that speaking it into existence could make it real. Because no one goes into a marriage thinking they’ll get divorced.
I saw red flags before the wedding. But the promises made in front of our family and friends gave me hope. I truly wanted to believe this was it. That I could sacrifice passion and sexual desire for stability. I convinced myself that no one has all the qualities you want—and maybe I could live without being desired. I was wrong.
Before we got married, I went on a bachelorette cruise. I met a pastor—yes, a literal pastor—and we had deep conversations about my fear of getting married. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me to get out. But I felt too far gone. Everything was booked. The dress, the venue, the invites. I couldn’t imagine starting over.
The moment that haunted me was when he touched my chin and I flinched.
My ex had told me he wasn’t attracted to the hair on my face. I’d had it lasered off, but with PCOS, it came back. Hirsutism is one of the many symptoms. I knew then that my husband didn’t make me feel beautiful. I was the one pursuing intimacy during our marriage, and that should’ve told me everything.
Reading those old posts, I saw how bold and alive I once was—especially before marriage. I came on strong, sure. But that boldness came from a deep desire to not settle and to claim what I wanted. Looking back, it was also fueled by unhealed abandonment wounds and trauma from my early twenties. Wounds I’ll talk more about soon.
In 2019, I started therapy with a practitioner who uses A.R.T. (Accelerated Resolution Therapy), and it changed my life. I began unpacking the parts of myself I had buried so deeply I didn’t even realize how much they were affecting me.
My need for validation stemmed from having control taken from me during that early trauma. I tried to reclaim power in uncomfortable ways, thinking it would make me feel safe. What I’ve learned since is that I deserve to be loved, valued, and treated like the amazing soul I am. (And by the way—so do you.)
My therapist, Renee, often says that when you begin to heal, you start to see the brokenness in others more clearly. That became painfully true. I started to recognize how much of myself I lost in my marriage—my voice, my confidence, my spark.
I poured so much into meeting my ex-husband’s needs, supporting his passions, hosting his people, tending to our home. But I was left wanting. Yes, I got flowers and the occasional post-it note. But what I craved was connection—the quality time and deep conversations we once had. Instead, our time together was filled with church events, spiritual lectures, and his constant feedback on how I could be a “better Christian.”
This isn’t a post to condemn faith. But one of the books I’m writing exposes how narcissistic pastors and their cult-like influence can seep into intimate relationships. It’s not about painting everyone in the church as manipulative—it’s about naming how my ex used religion to diminish me, while hiding behind it to control me.
That bottomless need for external validation became dangerous. I had to learn how to validate myself, not rely on a man to do it. And though the healing process is ongoing, I can say with confidence: I’ve changed.
The relationship I’m in now is filling in the cracks that used to feel like canyons. I don’t have to beg to be seen or loved. I’m not waiting to get my needs met—he just meets them. It’s still new, but it feels safe. And that’s something I had long forgotten was possible.
I’ve read so many powerful books during this season of growth. I’ve had experiences that redefined what I thought love, healing, and purpose meant. And now that I’ve broken free from that marriage, I’ve had the space to reflect—and even to date again.
Speaking of dating, I just remembered I owe you all a new Bad Date Series installment. (It’s coming, I promise.)
I didn’t want to get back into the dating pool. But in order to save myself from completely losing who I was in that marriage, I had to.
And now… here I am. Back, writing again.
Beautiful day in sanford
Having a blog makes life a little bit more interesting. I got an email the other day that someone commented on an old post. Out of curiosity, I clicked the link and started reading through my public journal — a snapshot of my life in the middle of the 2010s. All the bad dates, my eventual marriage, and the mask I wore to survive some of the narcissistic behavior I endured.
Eventually, I landed on the part where I wrote about getting married and how I felt at the time. Looking back now, I can see there were things I was hiding from myself, avoiding the red flags that were already waving. Yes, there were good times — we genuinely had fun together — but it was the daily, quiet moments at home that slowly wore me down. And to be honest, I wasn’t exactly innocent either.
My construction job during that time was exhausting, not just because of the long hours but because of how toxic the environment was. I was the only woman in an office full of men. I was excluded from conversations simply because of my gender. I was on display every single day. It didn’t matter if I wore a turtleneck or an oversized t-shirt; the male gaze was constant. Sometimes I’d go out into the yard to do inventory or quality control, driving the golf cart past workers who would literally stop what they were doing to stare.
One coworker, in particular, would hit on me weekly. There were times we’d be the last ones in the office, and he’d corner me, asking to take me to a hotel. And while I never acted on it, I won’t lie — I was tempted. He was offering something I wasn’t getting at home. My fiancé didn’t pursue me sexually; he didn’t make me feel desired. And here was someone I found attractive making me feel wanted — it took everything in me to say “no.” But I knew I needed to leave that job. The more rejection I faced at home, the more I craved validation elsewhere.
So I quit, under the cover of pursuing a new career in digital marketing — which was only partly true. I did want to change careers, and this gave me the push. Luckily, I landed two clients who paid me enough to get by. But another red flag I ignored was how my husband and I handled money: everything was split. We didn’t share accounts, and he had zero interest in managing finances together. That only changed later, when he became a radical Christian.
Eventually, I lost both clients — one because of a business falling out, the other switching to commission-only pay, which wasn’t sustainable. I hustled for new clients, but it was hard. Many people don’t value content writing; they want to nickel and dime you for everything. As a writer, you have to price everything — writing, editing, admin — into your hourly rate. Getting to $50 an hour was a victory. But during the hard times, my finances took a hit. I asked my husband for help. His response? “I don’t have enough to help.” And that was that. No solution. No conversation. I was his wife, yet left to fend for myself. In that moment, I knew I could never trust or depend on him financially — and that’s heartbreaking for a marriage.
To make things worse, around that time, he forgot to pay the electric bill and the power was shut off. For someone who’s been broke before, that hit a nerve. It triggered my deep need for financial stability. If my own partner wouldn’t support me, who would? I was abandoned — again — like so many times before.
Truthfully, our marriage was doomed from the start. I tried to savor the good moments. People liked him. I convinced myself I couldn’t do better. Never mind that, according to him, I wasn’t even physically his type (his words, not mine). He once told me I had bad breath, facial hair (thanks PCOS), gas in my sleep, and that I wasn’t sexually enticing. I found those words in an email he wrote two years before we even got married. I should’ve left then. But he said he loved me unconditionally. Funny how unconditional love always seemed to come with conditions. I settled for less than I deserved.
His words haunted our entire relationship and colored how I thought he saw me. And yes — I’m not innocent. In my lonely moments, I sought attention elsewhere. When things got bad, my addiction to validation only grew. I wanted to feel wanted. That’s part of why I knew I had to leave the construction job — it was feeding into something dangerous.
It’s strange, stumbling across these old blog posts — entries written during what should’ve been a happy time. I had just married someone I thought was my forever. But beneath the surface, it was already broken.
No one said marriage was easy. Filling extra time has been a battle but there’s a purpose behind it all.
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Scrolling through my Instagram feed yesterday, I stumbled upon one of my favorite end-of-year traditions—#2017thebestnine. Naturally, I had to join the fun and check out my top nine posts.
The collage made me stop and reflect on just how much has happened this past year.
As I mentioned in my IG post, I made a huge leap: I left my full-time, comfy corporate job to pursue freelance writing full-time.
Let me tell you—it’s freaking scary.
There’s no regular paycheck, no HR department to chase down when payment is delayed. Some clients are consistent, others pay after projects are complete, and a few… well, let’s just say they test my patience.
But somehow, I’ve managed to keep my head above water. And that, my friends, is a win.
One major lesson I learned: Pitching for new work is just as important as doing the work. I also realized that my energy needs to go toward growing Val’s Bytes. Writing is my passion, but this blog is my heart.
I’ll say it again—I LOVE to travel. The Comedian and I went to Italy and Greece this past year, and it was beyond anything I imagined. The blue waters of Santorini? Unreal. The tomatoes in Sicily? Life-changing.
I told him we only scratched the surface. But… I did promise to give him a six-month break from my travel obsession. (We’ll see how long that lasts.)
It’s amazing what happens when you pray with purpose and take action.
This year, I:
Launched the Love Bits & Bytes podcast
Earned my matchmaker certification
Hosted on Throwback Vibez, an online radio station
Took on new clients and wrote like crazy
Behind the scenes, I’m working on:
A brand new Val’s Bytes website
My first ebook—a curated collection of my favorite blogs
Building out Fox Hunt Digital, a new marketing services brand with a stellar team
I’m also investing in me. There’s so much wisdom in the world—books, courses, tools—that help you grow emotionally and spiritually. If you want recommendations, hit me up. Seriously.
In 2018, you’ll start to see everything I’ve been working on come to life. More love coaching, more dating content, more connection.
I sincerely believe our gifts are meant to be shared. Mine? Helping people love themselves deeply so they can attract real, healthy love.
If you're thinking about going freelance or starting something new, let’s talk. I’m here to help you build.
Was 2017 hard? Absolutely. But I don’t regret much—except maybe the BBQ that settled permanently on my waistline. 😅
Still, I survived. I grew. I believed in myself. And I built.
If you hate your situation, make a plan to save yourself. Because no one’s coming to rescue you.
You’ve got to be your own hero.
Here’s to a year of courage, clarity, and creation.
See you next year!
—Val 💛
The comedian and I are about to embark on our first trip across the pond together. I asked one of my favorite contributors to share her story with her significant other. ______________________________________________________________________
My partner changed my world when I started dating him. We traveled so much together and he has definitely got me out of my bubble. Our trips are epic and Paris was one of the most memorable.
Here is what you need to know when traveling to the most romantic city on earth with your partner!
Yes, you can take the cab or the train but be prepared to walk and walk some more. We made the mistake of walking to a rugby game while we were in Ireland the night before we went to Paris.
BIG MISTAKE!
My feet were in so much pain from the night before and our first day in Paris was miserable. There's a trek to everything you want to see. I guess we should have taken a day off to recover from walking.
We had the most amazing curry from a hole in the wall away from the main streets of Paris. It was the smallest portion I've ever received so be aware you will be hungry and ready for more unless you're willing to pay the price for seconds.
When you leave your hotel, make sure to have some snacks in your pocket. Especially if your partner is known to get hangry!
We spent two days in Paris. This was simply not enough time. We did get to see the Eiffel Tower and we ventured over to see the Mona Lisa but I wanted more.
My partner and I missed the Love Bridge, many of the museums, and cathedrals. I know you can't see everything in a week but two days is not enough.
I loved Paris! I have amazing pics that will last a lifetime. Even though I was crippled and angry the first night, it was one of my favorite trips with my man. I cherish all my memories of traveling with Gareth. He is my adventure and I would recommend Paris to every couple.
We were also told Paris isn't as romantic as you think. Romance is self-created. I really do believe that ambiance matters. If you don't allow the sexiness of the Eiffel Tower help make your night special with your partner then I have no hope for you.
We had the best ice cream by the carousel across from the Eiffel Tower. To me, that is romance at its finest.
I'm sure if we made time to see the Eiffel Tower lit up at night, there would be some sexy time.
Just so you're aware, don't get caught up in the romance at the hotel because the lights turn off at 2 AM.
I know I have to go back to Paris just to see the lights! (This is my excuse to venture back)
HERE ARE MY FAVORITE PICS FROM MY TRIP.
THANK YOU FOR TUNING INTO MY POST ON VAL’S BYTES, CHECK OUT MORE OF MY POST’S AT ANYTHINGGIRLY.COM
FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @HEIDIMAESEARLE
AND FACEBOOK AT HEIDI MAE SEARLE
THE BEST COMPLIMENT TO ANY BLOGGER IS SHARING A POST, SO I INVITE YOU TO SHARE AND THANK YOU IN ADVANCE IF YOU DO.
ALSO, I’D LOVE TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE TRIP SO I CAN PUT IT ON MY WISH LIST. COMMENT AND SHARE BELOW!
I'd like to think this “Year in Review” idea becomes an annual tradition. I love reflecting on the past 12 months—the triumphs, the trials, and the unexpected turns that helped shape who I am today.
This year began in a good place. I was in full-blown wedding planning mode, excited to marry The Comedian. There were so many hopes and dreams swirling around: building a life together, staying creative, and reigniting my passion for writing.
At the beginning of the year, I was working a job I liked—mainly because of the people. But as the months dragged on, the grind wore me down. Working 8 AM to 6 or 7 PM, often outdoors in a construction-heavy environment, took a toll on my energy and spirit. I started losing myself. My blog, which once gave me so much life, sat dormant. Even trying to lose weight for the big day became emotionally taxing.
I remember lying in bed with The Comedian after one of our long, honest conversations about chasing our dreams. He gently called out that I was losing my spark. And he was right—I was in a rut. That night, I made a promise: by the end of the year, I would quit my job and pursue freelance writing full-time.
And I did.
Thanks to a few Craigslist posts (yes, really), I connected with some amazing clients who gave me the opportunity—and the confidence—to step away from my 9-to-5. I haven’t looked back. I’ve spent the holiday season in meetings, brainstorming, and planning for more clients. And Val’s Bytes? She’s back, baby. Look out for a fresh podcast format in 2017.
This year included two weddings—one of them being my own—and no baby showers (thank God). But the biggest blessing of all was marrying someone who believes in me, even when I doubt myself.
Of course, not everything was sunshine. My hometown of Orlando experienced unspeakable heartbreak with the Pulse Nightclub shooting. We lost icons like Prince. And I faced the emotional exhaustion of a job that no longer fit the person I was becoming.
But through all of that, I’m grateful. Because those shifts—both internal and external—led me closer to the life I’ve always envisioned. As we head into a new year, I want to leave you with this:
✨ Create your own destiny.
As a challenge, I want you to make a vision board (I'll share mine below). Visualize what you want. Pray for it. Meditate on it. Keep your thoughts positive and focused. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle says:
“See if you can catch yourself complaining… To complain is always nonacceptance of what is… When you speak out, you are in your power.”
A goal without a plan is just a dream. So let’s stop just dreaming. Let’s do something about it. Reflect, plan, believe, and act.
Happy New Year. May it bring everything you're brave enough to imagine.
Year in Review, vision board
“No one wants to hear about a happy relationship.”
That’s what the Comedian said after finishing a bit on stage. He always runs his jokes by me first—asking if it’s okay to use certain stories. Honestly? I don’t mind. I know most of it is an exaggerated version of our reality. Once, a woman pulled me aside after a show and said, “You don’t have to let him talk about you like that.” But sincerely, I’m okay with it. I’ve gotten used to being the butt of 90% of his jokes.
Happy Relationship, wedding, wedding photos, downtown orlando, grand bohemian, downtown orlando, bride
Comedians talk about what they know. And if they spend most of their lives with you, you're going to make it into their material. I usually just laugh and say, “I signed up for this when I decided to date a comedian.”
It’s not unlike being a dating blogger. For years, I wrote about my latest heartbreaks, bad dates, and cringe-worthy red flags. Now that I’m in a happy marriage, I find myself scrambling for “good material.” Because let’s be real—no one wants to read about a healthy, functional relationship, right?
Maybe that’s the problem. We love drama. We binge-watch reality TV to make ourselves feel better by comparison. If someone rich and beautiful is falling apart on camera, we feel like we’re doing okay. But lately, people have been coming up to us and asking, “How’s married life?”
And truthfully? It’s great. Nothing has changed. We’re still just two creative souls figuring life out together. He’s the guy who can make you laugh until you cry and then pivot to a deep conversation about society’s evolution. I didn’t even know that kind of balance in a partner existed—but it does. And I’m lucky.
happy relationships, wedding, downtown orlando, wedding photo, railroad, bride, groom
Someone once told me, “Enjoy this time, because you never know when things will change.” And she’s right. I’ve seen friends weather storms in their marriages. But the strong ones—the ones who truly get each other—find their way back. I admire that so much.
During his vows, the Comedian said that you need someone who grows with you and pushes you to be your best self. And that stuck with me. So here’s my challenge: talk about your happy relationship. Share it. Let people know that healthy love exists. Maybe it’ll make the search feel a little less impossible.
P.S. Our wedding video is out. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!
🎥 Watch it here
My psyche has been on a roller coaster lately—rattled, stretched, and occasionally flung upside down. Wedding planning, as it turns out, isn’t just about picking colors or tasting cake. It’s psychological warfare. One minute you’re overjoyed, and the next, you’re wondering how many more vendor calls you can take without spontaneously combusting.
Just yesterday, I was chatting with one of The Comedian’s coworkers whose daughter is also planning a wedding. She said her daughter reached the point where she simply doesn’t care anymore. And honestly? Same. I’m there. That’s my current zip code.
Relationships, advice, dating
But through all the chaos, I’ve met some truly incredible people. I’ve also discovered who’s willing to go the extra mile, and who quietly steps back. I still cherish my friends and family to the core—but I’ve had to come to terms with something difficult: You can’t save them all.
I recently had a conversation that reminded me why I care so deeply for people, even those who’ve hurt me. I’ve always had this pull to help, to reach out, to offer a hand even if it’s been slapped away before. It’s why I blog—to be the voice someone might need. Maybe some woman out there is standing at a crossroads, and she reads my story. Maybe she sees the light.
That hope keeps me writing.
I truly believe I was put on this earth to walk through certain storms so I could return with wisdom to offer someone else. Not the kind of wisdom that comes just from experience—but the kind that emerges when you choose to see your experiences as tools for growth.
It’s also why I tend to get invested in people’s relationships. I once spent an extra 30 minutes in an Uber giving the driver relationship advice. Whether or not The Comedian thought it was “appropriate,” my tipsy heart said, “Sir, you deserve clarity!”
The theme of my bachelorette cruise? Finding ourselves again. Because somewhere between the babies, the jobs, and the relationships, we forget how phenomenal we are. We forget the fire we carry. That trip reminded me: I love people. I love dancing like no one’s watching. And I love being surrounded by women who’ve lived, cried, healed, and still rise.
That’s why I feel so rattled—I had forgotten.
And now, I remember.
The truth is, wedding planning, working full-time, and navigating my freelance dreams have all taken a toll. I’m ready for the wedding to be behind me. Not because I’m not excited—I am—but because I’m ready to shift into a new season.
A season where I have time to write, time to travel, time to step into the purpose I’ve been dancing around for years. There’s a lot I can’t share yet, but just know this: change is coming, and it’s the kind of change that makes your heart beat a little faster with anticipation.
I might even go back to school. I’ve always felt called to help people in their relationships—to help them see clearly what they can’t from the inside. Sometimes all we need is one honest voice from the outside to shine a little light.
And speaking of light, this was Joel Osteen’s prayer today. I’ll leave it with you:
“Father, today I raise my level of expectancy. I choose to take the limits off of my thinking. I know that You are able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever ask, think or imagine. Thank You for the blessing You have in store for me in Jesus’ name! Amen.”
Here’s to rising. To realigning. To remembering who you are.
finding yourself, relationships, relationship advice
I have a confession... I don’t like cake.
There, I said it. That’s my struggle.
The wedding industry wants me to drop $500 on something I don’t even enjoy eating. Meanwhile, my fiancé does like cake, so the battle isn't totally lost. I get it—I want that cheesy, adorable moment of smashing cake in his face too. But y’all... the price tags? Out of control.
You could say I’m unconventional. That’s what makes me... well, me. I wasn’t the girl who dreamed of a huge, elaborate wedding growing up. I’m not a princess. If someone tries to put a tiara on my head, I will scream.
I’m a people person. And when marriage became a real thing, I started planning the stuff that actually mattered to me. Like the sound of Spanish guitar during the ceremony—because my dad, uncles, and cousins all played growing up. It’s part of who I am. The rest? I just want a party. The kind where people are smiling, dancing, eating too much, laughing until they cry, and celebrating love. Our love. That’s the dream.
But can we talk about how everything is so freakin’ expensive?
I’ll be real with you. Spending more than $500 on a wedding dress gave me actual heartburn. I tried watching Say Yes to the Dress once, but when I heard the prices those brides were throwing down for a dress they’ll wear for five hours, I almost passed out. One boutique called and said their starting price was $3,000. I said, “Say what now?! Starting?!”
And don’t even get me started on invitations and cake. Like... I know most guests will toss the invite the second they drop it in their calendar app, so why am I paying $7 each for embossed cardstock? I just want to not feel like I have to DIY my entire wedding just to avoid going broke.
To be clear: If you can afford the dream wedding, do it. More power to you. This isn’t a knock on anyone’s big day. This is just me, in my feelings, wondering if I can throw a meaningful, beautiful, unforgettable celebration without breaking the bank.
My mission? Spend as little as possible and still have the night of our lives.
I just wish the second you say the word “wedding,” the price tag didn’t triple.
Love is a battlefield and without the right guidance, you'll repeat the same mistakes. Helping people become more self aware so they find the right partner for themselves is what I love. Val's Bytes is a place where I share my thoughts on relationships with a hint of bubbly positivity. Join me each week as I set you free from your love concerns by giving you the answers.
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