Being in a Healthy Relationship

Recently, I read an article from The Times and shared it with the Comedian called 14 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship.  I love sharing articles like this with him because we can talk about it and how we can improve our relationship.  The best thing about finding someone with the same goals is that they understand what it is to continue growing TOGETHER.  I can happily say that we were able to check off the majority of the 14 signs.  The Comedian has always said that we need to have a solid foundation before bringing kids in the world.

There a few points that really stuck out in my mind.

ValGio

First, Have Your Own Space

It is so important to still keep who you are intact.  It kind of ties into another point to love yourself.  Before you got into this relationship, you were you're own person.  You had you're own friends, family, hobbies, and so on.  You might have to give up some of your SSB (Secret Single Behaviors) like eating crackers while standing but that's okay.  You can do those habits when you're loved one is away.  They might be curious as to why the cracker box is empty but hey, old habits die hard.  You should not lose who you were before you were in a relationship.  Yes, you will grow and change as you are with your significant other, however, you should still have you intact.  Never forget to make plans with your girlfriends for a night out, call a old friend from time to time, and let your partner know who they are.

I think the most difficult part of having my own space is battling gender roles and knowing I have really good guy friends.  Yes, I sincerely believe you can have friends who are guys that don't want to sleep with you.  These friendships come few and far between.  They are not common at all but they exist.  If a friend crosses that boundary of friendship with sex and you're in a relationship, its best to cut them off because a true friend would want you to be happy and they wouldn't come between your relationship.  I know, I know, it's easier said than done.  This is where you figure out what is more important, the relationship with your friend or your significant other.

You Like Yourself and Your Partner

"You must love yourself before you can love anyone else"

It is so important to have a good handle on who you are as a person before getting into a relationship.  I had bouts of depression all through my 20's and I don't think I really figured out what it was to be happy with myself until I watched The Secret.  I realized that I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  When I discovered what that felt like, everything changed.  Magically enough, it led me to The Comedian which goes to show you that when the Universe is ready, it will give you what you pray for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  I still battle with insecurities, however, I try not to let it overpower my happiness.  When you are happy with yourself, then it will resonate.  People will be drawn to your happiness simply because they like to be around happy people.  This also applies to your relationship.  You should like or even love your partner as well.  They will get on your nerves and you will get frustrated with each other (it's inevitable) but at the end of the day, they have to be the person you want to lay next to you at night.

Talk to your Partner not Other People

I will honestly say, I struggle with this the most.  With my girlfriends, it seems so easy to just slip into talking about your relationship and what's wrong with it.  They complain about their husbands and arguments and what they do and don't do.  Sometimes I feel compelled to share my frustrations but it's not right.  First, you are not one to judge only God can.  You should not judge your partner.  Yes, you might not agree with how they do things but that is who they are, that is who you fell in love with.  Second, its difficult to be in a group and not want to be a part of the conversation.  I really make an effort to keep my opinions to myself and let my girlfriends just go on and on about whatever ails them.  I have to remember, in my mind, The Comedian is really the best person I could have ever dreamed of and he treats me amazingly well.  After all the frogs I have kissed, I have finally found my prince.  I don't want to go back to kissing frogs any time soon!

Finally, Say I Love You and Thank you

It is so important to thank your significant other for whatever they do.  Especially if their love language is words of affirmation.  I mean, he could take out the garbage for the 50th time but I still say "Thank you".  Something as simple as acknowledging the small things can make a difference by leaps and bounds.  Plus, if you have children, it is important that they see how you and your partner respect each other.   If you make it a habit now, then in the future, you will see all of the small things come to light.  

All in all, relationships are built on just loving each other for the small things.  Over time, the bigger reasons why you began might disappear but the small things you do day to day will always be there.  You have to remember that this list fromTime Magazineis just a framework to having a healthy relationship.  I can say, mine is not perfect and we work at it every day but I know it has a really healthy foundation.  

My Year in Review

Note to self: I definitely need to blog more… but I digress.

This year has been full of big changes—ones I’m not entirely sure I would’ve made without the Comedian acting as my loving conscience.

First and foremost: After years of insisting my old car still had plenty of life left, I finally said goodbye to my 2003 Mazda Protégé and upgraded to a 2010 Toyota Corolla S. That little Mazda was my first car—the one I drove all through college. I held onto it longer than most would, despite the lack of automatic doors, windows, or even tints (yes, in Florida!). The Comedian was convinced it was going to explode every time something broke. I’d brush him off with my usual stubborn mantra: “The car still has life!” But truthfully, he was just looking out for me. When the timing and finances aligned, I finally took the leap—and no regrets there.

After Lasik surgery. No make up, popped blood vessel. It's all healed now

Second: I got Lasik surgery! I had worn glasses since I was nine and contacts since I was thirteen. Basically, I was legally blind for 21 years. I never liked how glasses looked on me, and they constantly slid down my nose. Getting Lasik was something I always wanted to do—I was just waiting for the right moment. Enter: a longtime friend and Lasik technician I trusted, who just so happened to be part of the team at Lasik Plus. I couldn’t pass it up. Today, I have 20/15 vision. My eyes still get dry occasionally, but that’s normal. And I’m not being paid to say this—I really do love waking up and being able to see the world clearly.

Our new home!

And finally… the biggest moment of all:
The Comedian and I bought a house!
It came together so quickly, it almost felt divine. I’d been dreaming of more space—for our creativity, for Rosco to roam—but I thought it was out of reach. Then one day, something told me to just start asking questions. Call it faith or intuition, but within a month—with the help of our amazing realtor Jane Sloan and the wonderful folks at Absolute Home Loans—we were homeowners.

Funny enough, my vision board (yes, inspired by The Secret) had a 1500 sq. ft. home on it. Every house we saw before this one was smaller—1200, 1300 sq. ft.—and just didn’t feel right. But then came this perfect 1400 sq. ft. house. It felt meant to be. Close enough to the dream to prove that intention and belief really can manifest into reality.

Of course, there were plenty of other highlights this year:
🎓 I started my MBA program at Florida International University
💍 The Comedian and I attended five weddings (and only one baby shower—hallelujah)
🦞 I hosted my first crawfish boil and a high school marching band reunion
💖 And we celebrated our second anniversary!

This year has been a beautiful whirlwind, and I’m so thankful for every minute of it.

Looking ahead to 2015, I’m excited. I’ll graduate with my MBA in May, attend a few more weddings, welcome my niece into the world, and who knows what else is in store?

The years may fly by, but they are filled with memories that make life so sweet.

Live in the moment. Cherish every minute.
Cheers to 2015! 🥂

Just a little bit of the past year

The Fall Air

Fall Leaves

Something about fall always brings back a flood of memories. The air smells different—yes, even in Florida. There’s something about it that signals the holidays are coming. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it stirs something in me. A shift. My emotions change with the season.

When I went away to college, I told myself I could handle the transition. I was a military brat, after all—adaptability was supposed to be in my DNA. But I didn’t realize how much I relied on the structure of my family to feel grounded. That year, everything around me was changing. My mom remarried, my sister moved away with her boyfriend, and my relationship with my father felt distant. I was navigating a new world and completely lost in it.

That was when the depression first hit. I tried to put on a strong face, but inside I was unraveling. Eventually, I reached out for help and started counseling. That’s when I was diagnosed with seasonal depression—the kind that creeps in during specific times of the year. For me, it was fall.

Year after year, the darkness would return. I’d crave a sense of family, a feeling of belonging. More than anything, I wanted to celebrate the holidays somewhere I felt truly accepted. Instead, I often found myself curled up in my room, sleeping until the afternoon because the darkness felt safer than the light.

Over time, I learned to manage the emotional spiral. There were even a few years where the heaviness skipped me entirely. But then last year, it returned. That same aching loneliness. I’d look at people and feel tears welling up for no reason. I felt invisible—until something shifted.

I watched The Secret, and for the first time in a long while, I felt hopeful. It reminded me that happiness doesn’t come from the people who surround you—it begins with you. I realized I’d been waiting to receive love, when I already had it. I was rich in friendships, in memories, in lessons. And above all, I was never truly alone.

God has always been there—quiet, steady, and faithful. In Him, I found not just peace, but family, friendship, and purpose.

There’s no point in living life under a cloud of negativity. Everyone has their own story, their own pain. But like I always say: what shapes you isn’t just what you’ve been through—it’s how you choose to grow from it.

Is This Your Reality?

Yet another conversation with the Comedian sparked today’s reflection. One of the most beautiful things in a relationship is when your conversations ignite creativity and self-awareness. Lately, we’ve been talking a lot about “other people’s realities.” It’s a tricky concept to explain, but when you start living consciously and staying present, the noise of gossip and drama just doesn’t hit the same. You start to see how much time and energy people give to things that don’t actually matter.

I’ll admit, there have been moments when I let someone else’s reality throw me off—when their negativity or judgment distracted me from my peace. But I’ve learned that when toxic energy interrupts your joy, the goal isn’t to fight it. It’s to gently guide yourself back to the beauty of the moment.

I’m reminded of something I heard in The Secret: if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you might feel like the whole day is ruined. But in reality, you have the power to change that energy at any time. You can shift your mood, reset your perspective, and reclaim your day. You are in charge of your emotions and your environment—including the people you choose to keep close.

In The 4-Hour Work Week, Timothy Ferriss says that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That hit home for me. It’s taken time, but I can honestly say that the people closest to me now reflect the values I cherish: growth, peace, and authenticity.

Everyone lives in their own reality. You can’t change theirs—but you can shape your own. You can choose to live in alignment with the person you want to become.

This past Sunday, Joel Osteen said something that stuck with me:
“Nothing you have done has canceled your destiny.”
God still has a plan for you—it’s your choice whether or not to listen.

As for me, I choose to keep walking this path of positive enlightenment.
What about you?

The Secret to Staying Positive (Even When Life Gets Messy)

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I recently watched The Secret, the movie based on the book of the same name. If you haven’t seen or read it, I highly recommend it. As someone who tries to live with a positive mindset (keyword tries), I found it really uplifting.

The main theme centers around the law of attraction—the idea that positive thoughts attract positive outcomes. I know to some it might sound like woo-woo, hippie BS, but honestly? I believe there’s something to it. And since watching it, some pretty unexpected things have happened. I won’t go into detail (trying to protect a few identities here 😅), but let’s just say—I was shocked, confused, and strangely… hopeful?

What I’ve taken away is this: all we have is the present, and what we do now shapes what’s to come. I’ve had my fair share of chaos and curveballs in life, but I don’t want to let those moments define me. I’d rather keep laughing—even when life doesn’t go the way I planned.

Truthfully, I never thought I’d be almost 30 with no ring on my finger or kids in tow, but maybe that’s just not what’s meant for me right now. And that’s okay.

So yeah, this post might be a little out of character from my usual rants and dating escapades, but sometimes inspiration hits. Positive vibes really do make a difference—not just in how you see the world, but in how the world sees you.