The Old Role Switcheroo

I've noticed from the relationship I have with parents, it seems we took on the parental role way too soon in our lives.  I read recently in the Chicago Tribune, that it's becoming more and more normal for children to take on the parental roles too soon in their lives.  This to me seems a bit unfair.  I remember having a very secluded childhood, especially in my teens.  I had my escape by going to band camp, however, when I got home, I had to take care of my younger sister.  It was like my mom was not aware of her misbehaving or let her do what she wanted and my dad didn't play a role in our lives after I was 14.  He actually just reappeared maybe 3 years ago.  I was 16 years old, keeping out eye out on my sister, making sure the neighbor didn't leave a hickey on her neck large enough for my mom to see. This, in turn, caused me to feel like I have always been responsible for my sister and left me longing for a relationship with my mom.  When I left for college, I was set on the idea that I would finally do something for myself.  But I left with guilt because things just seemed to fall apart for my sister after I went away for college.  She ended up dropping out of high school and moving in with her boyfriend at the time.  I think she was only 16.  I had always wondered what would had happened if I never left.

After many years of therapy and sessions with the Comedian, my very own therapist, I know I'm not responsible for my younger sister.  I was too young to feel that responsible for her.  This feeling of responsibility affected my relationships with others because I felt like I had to save everyone.  Hence why I probably dated a lot of guys who needed saving.  Sigh... if I could count the ways.  I remember picking up an ex boyfriend at a bus stop just to hang out because he couldn't make it all the way.  It wasn't until I met the Comedian that finally I had someone to take care of me and vice versa.

The article in the Chicago Tribune suggests just as I described above, growing up too fast leaves scars on children's lives as they get older.  I laugh a little because I see the descriptions of some of these kids:

"A straight-A student comes home and starts supper, knowing she'll spend the evening listening to her dad talk about his troubled personal life."

"A young beauty-pageant contestant beams at her mom, who is proud to call her daughter her best friend."

I know people who have had these kinds of lives.  It's just interesting how our parents drag us back into our roles of the one that grew up too fast.  I still have the tendency to want to do everything for my family members.  I know it might be selfish but for my own well being and sanity, it is good to step back every now and then to let them figure it out.

How Much Does Social Media Influence Little Girls?

Recently, the Comedian and I broke into a debate about raising girls in the current environment with social media being such an influence.  I really had no idea how to argue his point.  I'm not a parent and I don't have experience with the psychology of a young person.  I'm not really sure how others are developed, I only know my own story.  There is some sort of fear of raising a child.  You don't know how they will grow up or what kind of adult you would be, one would just have faith that you would instill your values into this child and let them out in the world.  Does this ideal make us naive?

This conversation came up because of the recent album cover of Nikki Minaj.  Basically, her bare bottom is shown as she is bent down.  She has made a name for herself as a talented artist and young girls look up to her.  So does this make it okay to show our bodies in that manner?  What kind of message does that deliver to little kids?  Not too long ago, Kim Kardashian posted an Instagram photo with her in a revealing bathing suit that made us question the same.

Granted, when I was growing up, there were influences like Madonna and Cindi Lauper, however, I was very sheltered.  My parents never talked to me about sex and I was always told to dress conservatively.  My mom is an old school Catholic woman.  I remember she made a comment about my rebellious stage in college.  I used to show a lot of cleavage because I felt that if I was blessed to be endowed in that area, I should show it off.  She said that I had one side of my closet I wore around her and the other I didn't.  Ha!  I don't dress like that any more if you're wondering.  Something about not being 21 anymore changed my wardrobe.

After the conversation ended, I posted a question on Facebook asking the opinion of others.  Many felt strongly that is more difficult to raise girls in this generation than before because technology is so accessible.  Others said the jury was still out.  Children have influences from their friends where they might have cell phones at 7 years old and able to watch things that are not being supervised by parents.  There's a comedian, Louis C.K., who was asked by his 9 year old daughter whether she could have a cell phone, he told her, "No".  She questioned and he answered that she wasn't old enough to have a phone.  She rebutted that her friend had one.  He still said, "No".

The question is whether parents have enough influence on their children to become good adults, to not follow in the footsteps of pop stars showing off their sexuality and sending the wrong message to the opposite sex.  How do we really know?  The thing is, we don't.  We don't know how our children are going to turn out, however, we pray that they are healthy and lead good lives.  In the long run, we love them and want them to have the time of their lives like we did.