How to Save Your Relationship from Micro Cheating
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Val talks about what micro cheating is and how to overcome this close sister of emotional cheating.
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Before Finding Love, You Have to do the Work
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Okay. I’m going to give you a stern talking to. Ready? Good.
Ever since I announced that I’m a certified matchmaker, I’ve had people come out of the woodwork asking for help. Amazing, right? But the minute I mention a simple 15-minute questionnaire, they look at me like I have six heads.
What I’ve come to realize is this: people want love handed to them without doing any actual work. And honestly? That’s insane.
Yes, sure, you can find love without a long questionnaire or without asking me for help. Go for it. But if you’re looking for something deep, lasting, and aligned, you’ve got to do the inner work first.
It’s Not Just About a Questionnaire
Before I got into a relationship with the Comedian, I had personal hurdles to overcome—abandonment issues, sexual assault trauma, and other baggage.
News flash: we all have baggage—especially if you're dating in your late 20s, 30s, or 40s. Previous relationships, kids, family issues, life-altering events... all of it leaves an emotional mark.
But here's the thing I always say:
“It’s not what you’ve been through; it’s how you handle it that makes you who you are.”
Those past wounds don’t belong in a relationship. So I went to counseling. I read The Secret and The Power of Now. I started viewing life with a different lens. I chose balance and growth.
Welcome to the Self-Awareness Era
We live in an age where personal growth tools are at our fingertips. If you’ve had a string of failed relationships, guess what? The common denominator is you. It’s time to stop blaming your exes and take ownership.
As Einstein (or your favorite meme) once said:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
So ask yourself:
– Do I constantly try to “fix” or “save” my partners?
– Am I attracted to emotionally unavailable people because that’s what love looked like growing up?
Unconscious attraction is real. I used to consistently date military guys. Why? My dad was in the Army. That’s the energy I was familiar with. CNN even reported it’s common to end up with someone who mirrors your parents.
Do the Work
Want love? Start with yourself.
– Take a personality test (try 16personalities.com)
– Discover your love language
– Read books like Attached or Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married
– Dive into your zodiac sign for fun insights
These aren’t just BuzzFeed quizzes—they’re tools that help you understand your emotional wiring. When you know and love yourself, you're better equipped to be the kind of partner who attracts a healthy relationship.
Why eHarmony Asks So Many Questions
If you're serious about finding love, questionnaires aren’t the enemy—they’re your blueprint.
I once filled out the full eHarmony survey. Yes, it was long. Yes, it asked what I wanted in a partner. But that’s the point. You don’t want to waste time dating someone whose core values don’t align with yours—whether it’s about kids, religion, or deal-breakers like smoking.
As a matchmaker, I use intuition and information. Both are crucial. Without self-awareness and honesty, it’s impossible to build something that will last decades.
Final Thought
I genuinely want to see people fall in love. It lights me up to be part of that journey. But love that lasts requires more than chemistry—it requires clarity.
Do the work. Heal. Learn. Grow.
And when you’re ready, real love will meet you there.
📝 Interested in getting started?
Download my Dating Terms Worksheet to learn more about your perfect partner
Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You
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Cry, scream, and be all the emotions
What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.
You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”
That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.
Make a list of all the things that annoyed you
Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?
Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life
Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is
“You are YOU and that is your power.”
Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.
Change your self-talk
A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will. It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.
Start working out
Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving. There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.
Try new things and meet new people
Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in. When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.
Go on vacation
traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.
Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts
I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.
Re-establish friendships with friends and family.
Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.
Create goals
Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.
And finally, upgrade on that relationship
This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you. We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.
Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com
Follow me on Instagram @heidimaesearle
And Facebook at Heidi Mae Searle
The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!
5 Signs You're in a Bad Relationship
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Are you dating a narcissist? Master Manipulator? Emotional Terrorist? Here are some signs that you are in a bad relationship. I was told these signs a million times by people over the past years, and I pushed them back saying “he isn’t abusive things aren’t that bad, he doesn’t hit me.” If you find that you are doing this and minimizing the abuse maybe you need to take a step back and honestly evaluate your relationship. So here is a list of 4 things to watch out for and can show you that maybe it’s time to move on from this relationship.
1. He Controls everything.
And it starts with your activities together it’s with his friends, his hobbies, and it’s all in his time; the activities you want to do never seem to work out. He isolates you from your family; you don’t see them as often as you did. Soon you start making up excuses to the people you love on why you never see them and why he never comes to you. He sabotages your friendships making you think that you choose to get rid of your friends. Then control goes on steroids, and you start working from home, you no longer have a car, and when you leave the house, he is texting and calling wondering who you are with and how long you will be. Soon he controls the money, and you no longer have your own, even though you work for it. Now don’t get me started with the sex because that’s going to be controlled too. It will be his choice on his time and his way. You will be left unsatisfied and unfulfilled with life and the relationship and when you complain he will make you feel like everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Like I said before he is in control of everything, so he is going to control the blame. This is manipulation at its finest, and it will make you think you are crazy. Take a second and stay grounded; it takes two to tango so don’t think the bad relationship is all your fault.
2. History of past Abuse.
How does your partner talk about his ex’s? Does he refer to them as crazy? When he talks about who he dated, did it end badly with each one? You better think twice about being with someone that talks that way. There is a common denominator, and I don’t think it’s that he only finds crazy women to date. A strong, grounded, mature person doesn’t have to label someone as something to protect their ego. A man that has integrity can date remain friendly after it’s over. Listen to the ghosts of his past, they are telling you exactly who he is, and someone like this doesn’t find crazies he creates crazies.
3. The giving and taking are not the same.
In a bad relationship, there will always be one person that is the taker and the other the giver. That’s how you have been able to stay with him so long but also the reason that you’re feeling drained. You’re giving everything and doing everything, and he will give you enough to keep you around.
4. The game of emotional abuse: belittling and stonewalling.
Does he tell you things that are physically wrong with your body? Does he always fail to celebrate your successes? Does he stand up for you with friends or family? Does he call you his doormat? Then when you get upset (because these are all hurtful things), he then ignores you till you apologize for getting angry? This is all in the plan because if you think you aren’t enough for him, you get so low that you get to thinking you can’t live without him. You will bend over backward doing anything he wants to keep him around. No one deserves to be a doormat, close that door immediately and open another that will lift up the doormat, dust it off and treat you like the amazing woman you are.
5. Cycle of abuse
Another reason you stay because when it is good, it’s SO GOOD. I remember crying after my ex, and I bought a house together, and we saged it and talked about all the positive things that were going to happen in the house. Well for once we did an activity I wanted to do. And it was fun, happy, and he was all in and paying 100% attention to me. The high of things going well never lasts. Eventually, the honeymoon stage is over, and the cycle begins again. He will belittle, Stonewall or flat out choose anything or anyone over you; you then get upset and then you’re called crazy. Meanwhile, you think it’s your fault and stay because you THINK you can learn not to be crazy. But in reality, you aren’t crazy, and anyone that gets belittled, stonewalled and flat out chosen last would be upset. You are Normal; You will find a reasonable person to love, and you will be fulfilled and completely healthy.
So if you can relate to this list and you think your relationship is very similar, Please Go! You’re beautiful, smart, strong, and even though you have been conditioned to think otherwise and even though it will be the hardest thing you have ever done; do it. He will never change, and you will stay unfulfilled and drained. You can have a best friend as a partner, someone that’s excited to see you. I remained in an abusive relationship for almost ten years, in the end after I changed my bad habits and worked on myself and came to find it still was not working because he didn’t want it too. I tried to leave three times before I did. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Now that it’s all over and I’ve been with an amazing man I have the relationship that mirrors my parents. I am so glad I did it. It took a long time to get here, and I’m so proud to be where I am and be who I am. We are both in love with each other and will do anything to make sure each other are happy. I didn’t think this existed, and I didn’t think a relationship could be natural, and it is.
Thanks for coming to the party today, I’m sorry it feels like such a downer, but it does end well. This story has ended happily ever after for me, and I hope this post helps change someone’s nightmare into a fairytale. Life is too short, and we only regret the things we never did. You won’t regret living a more fulfilled life and leaving the draining relationship. Let me know if you liked the post or it helped you in some way by commenting and sharing.
XOXO
5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late
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Murphy’s Law teaches us one thing: if something can go wrong, it will. That’s why couples should talk through the tough topics before they become issues. Marriage is like building a fortress—its strength depends on how well you lay the foundation. A little prevention can go a long way in sparing you from sleepless nights, big fights, and avoidable heartache. Here are five conversations you should definitely have before you walk down the aisle.
1. Finances and Money Management
Love may be blind, but it still needs a budget.
Falling in love is beautiful and, let’s be honest, often irrational. No one starts planning a life together thinking about joint bank accounts or investment strategies—but you should. Financial conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential.
Discuss things like:
Who pays for what?
Do you save or spend?
How will you handle debt or big purchases?
Long-term financial planning builds trust and clarity. And the fewer financial surprises, the more you’ll enjoy your life together.
2. Sex Life Expectations
Let’s talk about sex—really talk about it.
Sure, in the honeymoon phase, everything feels spicy and effortless. But over time, sex lives change. If you never discuss expectations around intimacy—how often, preferences, boundaries—you risk miscommunication and emotional distance.
Sexual connection can fluctuate, and that’s okay. What matters is having the openness to talk about it before you start feeling rejected or confused.
3. Spirituality and Belief Systems
Faith—or lack of it—can create conflict if you don’t plan ahead.
Maybe one of you is spiritual and the other is not. That might work perfectly fine until decisions about holidays, rituals, or raising children come up. If you don’t align, or at least respect each other’s values and find common ground, resentment can build.
Be honest: What values are non-negotiable? What are you willing to compromise on? When it comes to parenting, can you both respect duality, or is that a dealbreaker?
4. Career Goals and Timing for Kids
You can’t fast-track biology, but you can align on timing.
Marriage in today’s world often means two people chasing big goals. But if one of you wants to travel the world or go to grad school, while the other wants to start a family ASAP—you’re on two different timelines.
Have real conversations about:
Career priorities
Timeline for children (or not)
Flexibility and compromise
Being honest about goals helps prevent resentment—and keeps you moving forward as a team.
5. In-Laws and Outside Influence
Your marriage should be built for two—not a crowd.
Unfortunately, some people don’t leave their parents emotionally. It’s important to discuss how much influence in-laws, friends, or others should have in your marriage.
Healthy boundaries early on will save you major stress later. Your decisions, your rules. Just make sure you’re both on the same page before the opinions start rolling in.
Final Thought
There are plenty of topics worth discussing before marriage—but these five are a solid place to start. Talk early, talk often, and talk honestly. Your future self will thank you.
Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong
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Smartphones and apps have opened the floodgates of free online dating. And why not? You can meet lots of interesting people online - more than you'll meet in a loud, smoky bar. You can filter them to make sure their age, appearance, background, and interests are compatible with yours. And it's fun. Research firm GlobalWebIndex reported in 2015 that 91 million people are using apps like Tinder. Why not? Tinder has millions and millions of users. Surely the person you're looking for has an account.
NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK
Maybe so. But Tinder's strength - that it is so widely used - is also its weakness. You're not looking to date millions of people. You're looking to find a particular someone.
General-purpose apps and dating websites try to convince you that having lots of members is a benefit. But in most cases, such sites are a waste of time. (That's one reason their customer ratings are so low.)
Suppose you’re interested solely in guys with beards. Or maybe someone who shares your religious background. A general-purpose dating app may let you set filters so you see only members who match your criteria.
But that doesn’t mean you’ll find lots of them. Like you, people in niche categories find general-interest dating sites and apps frustrating, inefficient, and boring. So you don’t find them there.
A MATTER OF FOCUS
Luckily, savvy website operators have created specialized dating sites for people with particular interests. You can now find a website to help you connect with guys with beards, or fellow Catholics, or big beautiful women, or guys with children, or women with tattoos, or married people interested in discreet relationships, or...well, you name it!
A niche dating site is more efficient because you don't have to wade through the profiles of lots of people who don't match your interests. Better yet, such a site is a community of people who share your attraction. You'll enjoy a real sense of community at a niche site. You can pick up useful online dating tips, chat with like-minded singles, and compare experiences.
A niche site attracts precisely the people you are looking for. And because it rewards their searches with qualified potential partners, they stay active. They tell their friends. The site becomes more and more useful over time.
Best of all, you can be sure that you'll find just the kind of dating partner you're looking for.
Let other singles waste their time swiping left and swiping right on Tinder. You're better off with a niche dating website where you can meet exactly who you're looking for.
Contributed by Dating VIP
What to Expect When... Getting Married
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marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger
First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.
Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.
The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?
I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.
Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.
A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.
I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.
There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)
So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.
Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:
marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger
Why Technology is Killing Intimacy
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I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts yesterday—Heather Dubrow's World—and her guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky, said something that stuck with me: technology is getting in the way of intimacy.
Let’s be honest. With dating apps like Tinder, we’re choosing partners the same way we shop online—quick glances, snap judgments, and options galore. And yes, I was guilty of it too when I was single. I’d talk to five guys at a time (any more than that and I’d start confusing their stories). It was fun, sure, but was it intimate? Not even close.
When the initial connection is so superficial, the result is often a hookup—not a relationship. I’m not saying real love can’t be found online. It can. But like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You says: “That’s the exception, not the rule.”
Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love
And it’s not just dating. Even in the workplace, I’ve noticed a growing reluctance to pick up the phone. As younger professionals join the workforce, I hear, “He hasn’t responded to my email yet,” instead of “I called and left a message.” It’s a sign of the times: texting and emailing have replaced real conversations.
This spills into our personal lives, too. I’ve been guilty of it myself. The Comedian, who’s older and wiser, often reminds me that a quick phone call can resolve an issue in seconds that texting might stretch out for hours. And he’s right.
If you’re truly looking for a real, intimate relationship, consider ditching the swiping culture and trying a more intentional platform like Match.com or eHarmony. Then—here’s a radical idea—call them. Talk. Hear their voice. Build a connection that’s more than pixels on a screen.
Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love
We’re losing our ability to create deep bonds because we have a phone glued to our hands 75% of the time. Texting is convenient, but nothing beats eye contact, a real laugh, or hearing someone's voice when they say, “I miss you.”
Let’s not forget how to truly connect.
I'm Officially Mrs. Comedian!
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It’s been a month and two days since I married The Comedian—and while I may be a little late sharing the details, what better time than now to reflect on the highs and lows of the big day? In short, it was everything I wanted: a big, beautiful party filled with good food, good music, and the people we love most.
Everyone asked me what I wanted out of our wedding, and my answer was simple: a fun celebration. And Orlando delivered. While many know the city for its theme parks, I’ve always loved showing off the other side of Orlando—its character, charm, and culture.
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
and what it used to be with some Spanish flair. We had our wedding at tapas restaurant named Ceviche located right in the heart of downtown Orlando. The brick streets and old buildings give the whole area of Church Street it’s character. I could go into ghost stories about this particular area, but that would be an entirely different blog. I have frequented this restaurant with a good friend of mine plenty of times to talk about business and life over champagne and great food. The details in the woodwork all over the restaurant took me over the edge. I was sold. I had gone to other venues, but they didn’t appeal to me nearly as much. The Comedian and I are a unique, creative couple and the venue needed to embody that.
A few months before the wedding, everything started to hit me hard. I was struggling with the financials. How was I going to pay for everything? Then it hit me. The florist I initially hired went bankrupt. Say what?!?! I went into a panic mode. Kelly, the event coordinator at Ceviche, came to my rescue. She gave me a couple of names, and I was put in touch with Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids. She quoted me less than the original florist, and the flowers turned out amazing. The biggest debacle with this was, I had already paid in full. Since the services were not rendered, the bank was able to help me out and I was credited the money for the flowers.
Situation diverted.
Finally, the day had arrived. We had the rehearsal the night before and then I went out with friends, walked
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
That’s why we chose Ceviche, a Spanish tapas restaurant in the heart of downtown, as our venue. The brick streets and historic buildings of Church Street felt like the perfect backdrop for a unique and meaningful ceremony. I’ve shared many deep conversations at Ceviche over bubbly and great bites, so it only made sense to say “I do” there too.
Of course, like all weddings, there were hiccups. A few months out, the financial strain hit hard. And then—plot twist—the florist I’d already paid in full went bankrupt. Total panic. But thanks to Kelly at Ceviche and Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids, we got it sorted. Jaimz gave us a better deal and delivered stunning arrangements. Bonus: I got the original payment refunded thanks to my bank.
Crisis averted.
The night before the wedding, we had a lovely rehearsal, followed by a peaceful solo stay at the Grand Bohemian Hotel. It was the calm before the storm—in a good way. I woke up early, giddy like a kid on Christmas, grabbed breakfast with my sister and friends at Le Gourmet Break (the croissants are life-changing), and returned to prep for the day.
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
Karen from the Karmel Design Team worked her magic on my hair and makeup, while Maria from Events Unlimited by M kept the chaos at bay. If you’re a bride and don’t think you need a coordinator—trust me, you do. My OCD would’ve gone into overdrive without her.
Everything moved fast from there: makeup, flowers, photos, van rides, and finally… the aisle. My cousin played Spanish guitar as I walked toward The Comedian with both my mom and dad at my side. I saw his smile, and the rest of the world melted away.
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
The ceremony was touching and funny, the reception was a blur of dancing, speeches, and snapshots. I got to share a special dance with my dad—a moment I’ll treasure forever. DJ Sparks kept the party lit, the photo booth was a hit (thanks, Mom!), and we ended the night riding off to the hotel in a pedicab, full hearts and all.
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
Thank you to every single person who helped make this day unforgettable. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better way to become Mrs. Comedian.
P.S. I don’t have the pro photos yet, but here’s a sneak peek of the video:
🎥 Wedding Trailer - Sophia Rose Photography & Film
Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole
I honestly could not have asked for a better night. Thank you, everyone, who helped during this crazy time!
P.S. I don’t have the professional pics yet, but when I do, I promise to share. In the meantime, here’s a trailer from Sophia Rose.
https://vimeo.com/190464051
The Truth to Matchmaking
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Every time I meet one of The Comedian’s guy friends, I get asked the same question: “Do you have any single girlfriends?” The answer is yes, I do—but whether I think they’re a good match is an entirely different story. Matchmaking is not just some casual hobby—it’s practically a science. You can’t just toss two single people together and expect magic. The Comedian swears I have a matchmaking addiction, and maybe he’s right. I love love. I want people to experience it as deeply as I do. But, spoiler alert: it’s not always that simple.
happy couple
I’ve definitely learned the hard way. Sometimes, people aren’t ready for a relationship. Other times, they just don’t want one. I remember recently talking with a friend about setting her up with someone I knew—a great catch, but living in another state. What I didn’t share was that he had zero interest in being in a relationship. Lesson learned: don’t force a romantic vision on someone who hasn’t asked for it.
When matchmaking does work, it’s usually because both people are open and ready. I once met a guy when I was single, and while there was no romantic chemistry between us, he described exactly what he was looking for. Immediately, I thought of someone who matched his criteria to a T. I brought him to a place where I knew she’d be—and five years later, they’re still together.
There’s also this: some people say they want love but haven’t done the work to be ready for it. That’s a hard truth to swallow. I always say, “You can’t be happy with someone else if you’re not happy with yourself.” I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. The wild thing is, most of those frogs are still single—and not because they’re unlucky. It’s because they haven’t grown.
What drove me crazy when I was single was how inconsiderate some men were with time. If you make plans, show up—or at the very least, cancel. Basic decency, right? Some guys are just cowards. (Yeah, I said it.)
I see some of my girlfriends struggling with dating, and I get it—it’s brutal out there. But if you love yourself, exude confidence, and respect the feelings of others, you’re already ahead of the game. One of my go-to lines:
“You have to be the person you want to be in a relationship before you’re in a relationship.”
If you’re out partying three nights a week, fine—but consider how someone seeking real commitment might perceive that. A real partner wants peace, not pettiness. He’s not looking for someone to spiral because he forgot the anniversary of your first kiss.
Matchmaking isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about timing, emotional readiness, and intention. Love deserves thought. Always.