In My Head

I’m starting to get used to this non-scheduled style of blogging. I only seem to write when inspiration squeezes into a rare free moment in my overbooked life. Sigh. But hey, I created this life, so I keep on truckin’.

Lately, I’ve noticed these sudden waves of emotion hitting me—like clockwork—every month. It’s like I can feel everything more deeply, more urgently, and I honestly don’t know what to do with it. I get irritated quickly. I need space. And yet, people rush in, trying to fix me or make it better. But the truth is, nothing is really wrong. There’s just this amplified version of myself that I have to ride out until the volume turns down again.

I remember reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, where he talks about how women, during this time, aren’t quite themselves. That struck a chord. Because in those moments, I don’t feel like myself. I want to be present. I want to find peace. But sometimes my emotions are on a rollercoaster I didn’t agree to ride. And the worst part? I don’t realize I’m reacting until the moment’s already passed.

Most of the time, I talk myself off the ledge silently—in my head. I guess that’s where the phrase comes from. Being “in your head.” It’s a place I know well. Maybe it’s the side effect of having a creative mind. We drift into our thoughts, our dreams, our storylines, and forget that reality is happening all around us.

That’s probably why I’ve never been good at taking pictures. I’m so in the moment—in my head—that I forget to capture it. There are so many beautiful memories from college I wish I had photos of. But nope, no snapshots. Just fragments in my mind. Luckily, the Comedian is a picture person. Problem solved.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is—pause. Take a breath. Get out of your head. See the moment for what it is. I'm mostly writing this as a reminder to myself, honestly. Blogging has always been my therapy, my grounding cord, my gentle nudge to grow. And growth starts with awareness.

Where did all of this positive thinking come from...

I believe change starts with a realization—a moment where you admit to yourself that something needs to shift. I’ve always considered myself a positive thinker, but looking back to about 8 or 9 months ago, I wasn’t truly content. Sure, I had great friends, a solid support system, and a social calendar that kept me busy, but something was missing.

Since college, I’ve dealt with bouts of depression. I always refused medication, telling myself I could push through it—and for the most part, I did. But every now and then, a trigger would send me spiraling. I remember days when I couldn’t get out of bed, when the darkness felt easier than facing the world, and all the painful things that came with it.

I don’t quite remember the exact order of events that led to my transformation, but I know it started with a rejection. I had been casually dating someone, and when it didn’t work out, I unraveled. It wasn’t the guy or the relationship that broke me—it was the feeling of abandonment. It cracked open wounds that had been quietly building.

After crying uncontrollably and struggling just to breathe, I told myself, I never want to feel this way again.

Shortly after, I went to a meeting and watched the movie The Secret. That changed everything. I started seeing the connection between my thoughts and my emotional well-being. Negative thinking had gotten me to that dark place—and I made the decision to start living differently.

I made a vision board. I wrote affirmations on index cards and kept them by my bed—reminders of the life I wanted to create. One of the cards said I wanted a long-term, prosperous relationship. Just a day or two later, I heard from someone I had dated two years prior who had made a big impact on me. The most amazing part? He, too, had read The Secret and The Power of Now. We reconnected over our shared journey toward positive thinking—and those conversations continue to this day. He is now my boyfriend of six months, and I am hopelessly in love.

A few months later, I started going to church with him. What surprised me most was how much the Bible mirrored the same ideals I had been learning. Negative thoughts? That’s the enemy trying to steal your joy. The Bible teaches gratitude, joy, and faithful thinking. I realized I could ground my positivity in something even deeper—faith.

Now, I strive to be a light for others. Whether we’re close or not, I want my energy to inspire others to believe in better days. As the amazing Janet Perez Eckles once said, “Let your purpose be to inspire.” That’s what I aim to do.

I know that as long as I stay on this path—rooted in positivity, grounded in faith—I won’t ever return to that dark place. And if I can help someone else along the way, then that, to me, is everything.