"What if?" is a scary phrase

Recently, a close friend of mine lost his father.  It got me to thinking about my relationship with my father.  Naturally, the first thing I think is that life is fleeting.  People come and go, bad things happen, good things happen, you have great relationships, and wonderful memories.  Some of those moments lead us to hours of therapy that I'm not sure how I paid for. Anyhow, I didn't have a really close relationship with my father growing up.  He just wasn't around.

Growing up in the military has it's unconventional moments.  First, I never had a friend for more than 2 years.  Not that I was a bad friend but they would move away.  I remember my best friend from elementary school moved to Alaska.  I mean... how were we going to stay friends without the internet?  Second, my dad would spend overnights on base or at training.  He wasn't home very often.  He retired for a short period of time, didn't like being a civilian, and got right back in.  Which led him to Panama.  Needless to say, my dad missed the most awkward parts of my life, the teenage years.  There were a lot of factors in him not being around and I'm not 100% sure about a lot of it.

When I was about 27 years old, my dad came out of the woodworks and established an ongoing relationship with me.  I can't say I see him all of the time but we do email each other on a regular basis and I have finally learned where my personality came from.

Back to death, I still wonder what the future holds with my father.  Even in the wedding planning process, getting an answer out of him is a bit nerve wracking.  I would really like him to be a part of my future kid's lives and want him to come up to Orlando more often.  This could be a cry but I don't want to think "what if".  Parts of me don't want to make the effort but if life is so fleeting, maybe I should so that I could have that relationship that I want with my father.

Gosh!  That's all I really want... a better relationship before it's too late.

We're Engaged!!!

It finally happened!  The Comedian and I are engaged.  All is good in the world.  I know that I am about two weeks late on sharing this news with the world other than my friends and family and social media followers but I digress… I won’t lie and say I didn’t see it coming, however, I did not know the details of what the Comedian was planning.  The moment I knew something was awry was when he asked me which bowtie he should wear.  Normally, he does put on a bowtie unless we’re headed to a wedding or something similar.

After getting all dolled up, we were on our way.  The Comedian said we would stop to just take a walk for a little bit.  Needless to say, I was starving so deep down inside, I was thinking to myself that I didn’t want to keep my hopes up and imagine that we were sincerely out to dinner after our excursion.  He parked at our favorite park, Cranes Roost, which happened to be under construction.  I was a little saddened by that because it’s such a great park and I was looking forward to stroll.

The Comedian then lead me towards a little area in front of the lake right in front of a wedding party taking pictures at the same time.  (How serendipitous, no?)  He held my two hands, looked into my eyes, and then started his speech.  At that time, I’m screaming in my head, OMG IT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!  He goes on to express that I will never know how much he loves me (my heart beats even faster) then he gets down on one knee and asks, “Will you marry me?”  Naturally, I burst into tears and just kept repeating the word “yes”.  He gets up and we share salty kisses due to my inability to stop crying.

Then the Comedian takes me back to the car, tells me to put my purse in the trunk, I sit in the passenger side and he blindfolds me.  At this moment, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh we’re going to his parent’s house”.  I’m only ticked off because he tells me that traditionally there’s something else we do and that would be the only thing that crossed my mind.  Imagine, a woman in the front seat of a car with a blindfold on?  It was definitely a bit of a spectacle considering the Comedian kept telling me that other drivers were looking suspicious when they took a glance into our car.

We finally arrive at our destination, the Comedian rolls down his window and someone screams, “Is that you, Gio?”  I thought, “Hold on a second, who is that?”  We get out of the car and the Comedian tries to guide me to the door, while blindfolded.  Needless to say, we walked through the grass and I was wearing heels.  It was an accident waiting to happen but I made it without a twisted ankle.  We stopped, he took off my blindfold and everyone one yelled, “Surprise!” Over 60 of our closest friends and family were at the Comedian’s parent’s house for a surprise engagement party.  I was consumed with love and tears.  I couldn’t believe he planned all of this without me knowing.  It was absolutely incredible.  There are no words to describe how I was feeling at that moment.  Just wow…

So you ask, “What is it like now that I’m engaged?”  I will tell you, it is a bit relieving in the sense that we have grown so much as a couple and it has made it to this milestone in our relationship.  I spoke to some friends of mine who have known me for a while and they are just sincerely happy.  After all of the bad date stories, mediocre boyfriends, and so many other hurdles, I have finally found my prince charming.  I am utterly on cloud 9.  The Comedian has been an amazing person to learn and grow with.  I am just honored that we get to continue to grow for many, many years to come.

Here are some more pictures from that day...

Being in a Healthy Relationship

Recently, I read an article from The Times and shared it with the Comedian called 14 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship.  I love sharing articles like this with him because we can talk about it and how we can improve our relationship.  The best thing about finding someone with the same goals is that they understand what it is to continue growing TOGETHER.  I can happily say that we were able to check off the majority of the 14 signs.  The Comedian has always said that we need to have a solid foundation before bringing kids in the world.

There a few points that really stuck out in my mind.

First, Have Your Own Space

It is so important to still keep who you are intact.  It kind of ties into another point to love yourself.  Before you got into this relationship, you were you're own person.  You had you're own friends, family, hobbies, and so on.  You might have to give up some of your SSB (Secret Single Behaviors) like eating crackers while standing but that's okay.  You can do those habits when you're loved one is away.  They might be curious as to why the cracker box is empty but hey, old habits die hard.  You should not lose who you were before you were in a relationship.  Yes, you will grow and change as you are with your significant other, however, you should still have you intact.  Never forget to make plans with your girlfriends for a night out, call a old friend from time to time, and let your partner know who they are.

I think the most difficult part of having my own space is battling gender roles and knowing I have really good guy friends.  Yes, I sincerely believe you can have friends who are guys that don't want to sleep with you.  These friendships come few and far between.  They are not common at all but they exist.  If a friend crosses that boundary of friendship with sex and you're in a relationship, its best to cut them off because a true friend would want you to be happy and they wouldn't come between your relationship.  I know, I know, it's easier said than done.  This is where you figure out what is more important, the relationship with your friend or your significant other.

You Like Yourself and Your Partner

"You must love yourself before you can love anyone else"

It is so important to have a good handle on who you are as a person before getting into a relationship.  I had bouts of depression all through my 20's and I don't think I really figured out what it was to be happy with myself until I watched The Secret.  I realized that I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  When I discovered what that felt like, everything changed.  Magically enough, it led me to The Comedian which goes to show you that when the Universe is ready, it will give you what you pray for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  I still battle with insecurities, however, I try not to let it overpower my happiness.  When you are happy with yourself, then it will resonate.  People will be drawn to your happiness simply because they like to be around happy people.  This also applies to your relationship.  You should like or even love your partner as well.  They will get on your nerves and you will get frustrated with each other (it's inevitable) but at the end of the day, they have to be the person you want to lay next to you at night.

Talk to your Partner not Other People

I will honestly say, I struggle with this the most.  With my girlfriends, it seems so easy to just slip into talking about your relationship and what's wrong with it.  They complain about their husbands and arguments and what they do and don't do.  Sometimes I feel compelled to share my frustrations but it's not right.  First, you are not one to judge only God can.  You should not judge your partner.  Yes, you might not agree with how they do things but that is who they are, that is who you fell in love with.  Second, its difficult to be in a group and not want to be a part of the conversation.  I really make an effort to keep my opinions to myself and let my girlfriends just go on and on about whatever ails them.  I have to remember, in my mind, The Comedian is really the best person I could have ever dreamed of and he treats me amazingly well.  After all the frogs I have kissed, I have finally found my prince.  I don't want to go back to kissing frogs any time soon!

Finally, Say I Love You and Thank you

It is so important to thank your significant other for whatever they do.  Especially if their love language is words of affirmation.  I mean, he could take out the garbage for the 50th time but I still say "Thank you".  Something as simple as acknowledging the small things can make a difference by leaps and bounds.  Plus, if you have children, it is important that they see how you and your partner respect each other.   If you make it a habit now, then in the future, you will see all of the small things come to light.  

All in all, relationships are built on just loving each other for the small things.  Over time, the bigger reasons why you began might disappear but the small things you do day to day will always be there.  You have to remember that this list from Time Magazine is just a framework to having a healthy relationship.  I can say, mine is not perfect and we work at it every day but I know it has a really healthy foundation.