Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

When we talk about breakups, we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are. I was in a relationship for almost nine years, and when that ended, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. So, if you’re reading this and you are pre-breakup, mid-breakup, or even post and trying to move on, start with changing your thoughts about break up. It is positive, it’s change, it’s a new beginning, and most importantly, it’s a new you. Getting your heart broken is the way to start over and make a life you will never need a vacation from and will never need to break up with. It’s so easy to say this, so I have made a list of things that helped me move on and get to that positive place. Here they are…

Cry, scream, and be all the emotions

What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.

You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”

That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.

Make a list of all the things that annoyed you

Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life

Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is

“You are YOU and that is your power.”

Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.

Change your self-talk

A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will.  It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.

Start working out

Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving.  There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

Try new things and meet new people

Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

Go on vacation

traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.

Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts

I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

Re-establish friendships with friends and family.

Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

Create goals

Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

And finally, upgrade on that relationship

This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

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The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!

5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

Murphy’s Law teaches us one thing: if something can go wrong, it will. That’s why couples should talk through the tough topics before they become issues. Marriage is like building a fortress—its strength depends on how well you lay the foundation. A little prevention can go a long way in sparing you from sleepless nights, big fights, and avoidable heartache. Here are five conversations you should definitely have before you walk down the aisle.

1. Finances and Money Management

Love may be blind, but it still needs a budget.

Falling in love is beautiful and, let’s be honest, often irrational. No one starts planning a life together thinking about joint bank accounts or investment strategies—but you should. Financial conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential.

Discuss things like:

• Who pays for what?

• Do you save or spend?

• How will you handle debt or big purchases?

Long-term financial planning builds trust and clarity. And the fewer financial surprises, the more you’ll enjoy your life together.

2. Sex Life Expectations

Let’s talk about sex—really talk about it.

Sure, in the honeymoon phase, everything feels spicy and effortless. But over time, sex lives change. If you never discuss expectations around intimacy—how often, preferences, boundaries—you risk miscommunication and emotional distance.

Sexual connection can fluctuate, and that’s okay. What matters is having the openness to talk about it before you start feeling rejected or confused.

3. Spirituality and Belief Systems

Faith—or lack of it—can create conflict if you don’t plan ahead.

Maybe one of you is spiritual and the other is not. That might work perfectly fine until decisions about holidays, rituals, or raising children come up. If you don’t align, or at least respect each other’s values and find common ground, resentment can build.

Be honest: What values are non-negotiable? What are you willing to compromise on? When it comes to parenting, can you both respect duality, or is that a dealbreaker?

4. Career Goals and Timing for Kids

You can’t fast-track biology, but you can align on timing.

Marriage in today’s world often means two people chasing big goals. But if one of you wants to travel the world or go to grad school, while the other wants to start a family ASAP—you’re on two different timelines.

Have real conversations about:

• Career priorities

• Timeline for children (or not)

• Flexibility and compromise

Being honest about goals helps prevent resentment—and keeps you moving forward as a team.

5. In-Laws and Outside Influence

Your marriage should be built for two—not a crowd.

Unfortunately, some people don’t leave their parents emotionally. It’s important to discuss how much influence in-laws, friends, or others should have in your marriage.

Healthy boundaries early on will save you major stress later. Your decisions, your rules. Just make sure you’re both on the same page before the opinions start rolling in.

Final Thought

There are plenty of topics worth discussing before marriage—but these five are a solid place to start. Talk early, talk often, and talk honestly. Your future self will thank you.

10 Ways You Know You're in a Good Relationship

As you all know I am a relationship know-it-all, I can look at any couple and tell you how long they will last. If you believe this statement, then you are a fool. I am no expert, but I have had my heart broken and stepped on like the doormat. But I learn from my mistakes I can tell some definite signs that you are in a good relationship and since I'm in one, I can live to tell the tell. Here they are...

1. You are physically and mentally healthier.

   I have always struggled with my weight and my analytical mind. I have come to find that this amazing, handsome specimen calms my fears and pumps me up. I am in the best shape of my life and have a healthier, mind, body and soul.

2. No more "I can't" or "I won't."

   It hit me one day that I have to get to know myself again; I am no longer living in a bubble scared to go outside. I am in a relationship that has expanded my horizons.  In the past, I thought I was too dumb to do some of  the things that I am doing now. It's an amazing feeling to have someone that runs with you instead of holding you back. When you're with someone that speaks positively about you and to you, it helps change yourself talk to be more positive. The world unlocks itself when you take I can't, or I won't get out of your vocabulary.

3. Your goals are getting achieved.

   Firstly my goals are a lot higher or harder to reach, and I achieve them. I am with someone that is a go-getter, and he helps me with my goals, and we even have goals as a couple. We have a life that we are working towards achieving and it’s a great feeling to have someone that is growing with you.

4. Life is easier.

   I use to get so frustrated with things not working out, I've come to find that my man makes me laugh at these moments. He sees me for the imperfect person I am, and I don't feel stupid or ashamed; I feel heard and understood. Life gets a lot easier when you're laughing through the mistakes and failures as well as the good times.

5. The giving and the taking feels natural and equal.

   There might be days where I don't do as much around the house, and my man does the dishes and wipes the counters. We are are not counting who did what, we are picking up where the other left off; we are a team.

6. Less fighting more laughing.

   We hardly fight, I think we can we have fought once. I'm not saying that your relationship isn't good because you fight. We have been through some pretty stressful situations, and somehow we don't fight, it's just us. When one of us is upset or says something or does something snappy we call each other out on it and the person apologizing, and we move forward. It's not about the lack of fighting but about how you move forward when you do.

7. Honesty is the best policy.

   We always tell each other the truth, the brutal truth which sometimes means like I said in number 6 that you get called out. It might sting a little, but I would rather have a partner that helps me grow and be better than someone that keeps me stagnant just to save my feelings.

8. No secrets.

   You keep one secret from your partner and the secrets turn into the book of secrets, and soon it's what's keeping you from being honest with your partner. We made a rule always to tell the truth and say it as nicely as you can. Some things should only be between you and your partner and when you have that be sacred your relationship will follow. I will not let anyone or anything come in the way of my partner and me; he is the most important being. His secrets are my secrets, and that's what has brought us closer together.

9. Hours of talking and the honeymoon stage has ended.

   My man and I miss some important moments in our lives because we are too busy talking. We missed the Eiffel Tower lit up at night because we were chatty Kathy's in the hotel room. We are always late to meet friends because caught up in some conversation. We have been dating two years soon, and we still talk like we have just met. We talk about everything under the sun, and it's weird because we are with each other 24/7 together.  It also makes talking about hard things easier; we talk to understand not to respond.

10. Never stop choosing your partner first.

    I think this is the most important thing; your relationship will never work out if you don't put your partner first. I have had to tell myself "This person is my family and no one else matters." you start choosing your hobby or friends over the person and you might as well just wave your relationship goodbye. I'm not saying you can't see your friends, but everything comes in balance.

I hope your relationship is as good as mine and I'd love to keep adding to this list so comment below on what you think makes a good relationship.

Follow me on Facebook at Heidi Mae Searle

And Instagram @heidimaesearle

XOXO

What to Expect When... Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.

Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.

The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?

I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.

Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.

A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.

I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.

There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)

So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.

Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

• Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

• 100 Random Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 40 Personal Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

Why I think Jane the Virgin is amazing!

I have a new obsession: Jane the Virgin on The CW. Maybe it's the nostalgia—it reminds me of all the novelas (Spanish soap operas) I used to watch growing up—but this show hooked me like the hungriest tuna swimming upstream. I binged it so hard, I even started googling everything about the actors. That’s when I stumbled upon a YouTube interview that truly moved me.

Gina Rodriguez, who plays Jane, spoke about how this role came into her life unexpectedly. For someone who looks like her—Latina, curly-haired, proudly herself—lead roles were few and far between. But this was her chance. During the interview, she shared a beautiful story about how her father always told her she was beautiful, no matter what the world said. That stayed with me.

What she said was powerful: you can live your dream—even if you don’t fit the mold. We’re often trapped in the idea that we’re not pretty enough, experienced enough, or "right" enough for the roles we want in life. But Gina reminded me (and hopefully so many others) that we are all beautiful and worthy in our own right.

Maybe I relate so much because I’m Puerto Rican too. I grew up around a lot of Anglos because my dad was in the military, and I always had wild, curly hair that never quite fit in. I never belonged to just one group. Gina’s story about breaking through her self-doubt and embracing her uniqueness felt deeply personal. She said that once she moved past all the noise in her head—doubt, judgment, societal expectations—everything became clear.

That’s it. The only thing holding most of us back is ourselves. Not our appearance, not our background, not what others think—just that voice in our heads telling us we can’t.

And can we give major props to Gina for winning a Golden Globe for Best Actress? This girl from Chicago, who just wanted to act, landed a lead role in a wonderfully chaotic, heartfelt, and hilarious show—and crushed it. It’s inspiring in the same way Orange Is the New Black was: bold, fresh, and beautifully diverse.

Every time I dive deeper into the world of Jane the Virgin, I fall more in love with it—and the cast. My only complaint? I’m dreading the season finale. I don’t know how I’ll survive the wait for the next episode!

The Road to Self-Discovery

I finally did it. I figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

It’s taken time—and more than a few detours—but I’ve landed on something that feels right. The beginning of this year came with its fair share of struggles, but somewhere along the way, I stepped onto this road of clarity and self-expression. And let me tell you, it’s been enlightening.

If you know me, you know I don’t always express myself best out loud. But give me a pen and paper, and suddenly, I’m fluent in emotion. Writing has always been my safe space, my outlet, my translator. And lately, I've been learning so much about myself—especially in relationships. This current one? It's been a mirror. It's shown me who I really am when I care deeply about someone.

I’m stubborn. I don’t always know how I feel until twenty minutes later. And when I’m angry, I stutter. (Yes, really.) Looking back, some of my past relationships were filled with arguments, which now feels so foreign to me. I’m not naturally aggressive. But some people... they just know how to push your buttons. Still, I’ve always been patient. I try not to let things get to me—but what does get to me is inconsideration. Or people who are always looking for the easy way out.

Maybe I come off a little intense sometimes. My business upbringing wasn’t exactly all hugs and rainbows. There’s a little birdie in my head constantly chirping, “Don’t do anything half-assed.” And because of that, I hold others to the same standard. But I’ve been working on softening that edge—reminding myself: They are not me. Relax.

Anyway, I know what you’re wondering: Okay, but what do you want to be when you grow up?

Fine. I’ll tell you.

I want to be a Corporate Trainer. I want to create and lead training and development. I want to teach, guide, and empower adults—and yes, I get to write in the process. Boom.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why not just be a teacher? Here's the thing—I'm not a kids person. I love the ones in my life, truly. But dealing with other people’s kids (and their possibly questionable home training)? Not my lane. And that’s okay. I have so much respect for the teachers who do that work and do it well. Thank you for showing up, for shaping the future.

As for me? I’m stepping confidently into this new direction. I’m excited to grow, to lead, and to finally merge my passions in a meaningful way.

See you at the finish line. 🚀

In My Head

I’m starting to get used to this non-scheduled style of blogging. I only seem to write when inspiration squeezes into a rare free moment in my overbooked life. Sigh. But hey, I created this life, so I keep on truckin’.

Lately, I’ve noticed these sudden waves of emotion hitting me—like clockwork—every month. It’s like I can feel everything more deeply, more urgently, and I honestly don’t know what to do with it. I get irritated quickly. I need space. And yet, people rush in, trying to fix me or make it better. But the truth is, nothing is really wrong. There’s just this amplified version of myself that I have to ride out until the volume turns down again.

I remember reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, where he talks about how women, during this time, aren’t quite themselves. That struck a chord. Because in those moments, I don’t feel like myself. I want to be present. I want to find peace. But sometimes my emotions are on a rollercoaster I didn’t agree to ride. And the worst part? I don’t realize I’m reacting until the moment’s already passed.

Most of the time, I talk myself off the ledge silently—in my head. I guess that’s where the phrase comes from. Being “in your head.” It’s a place I know well. Maybe it’s the side effect of having a creative mind. We drift into our thoughts, our dreams, our storylines, and forget that reality is happening all around us.

That’s probably why I’ve never been good at taking pictures. I’m so in the moment—in my head—that I forget to capture it. There are so many beautiful memories from college I wish I had photos of. But nope, no snapshots. Just fragments in my mind. Luckily, the Comedian is a picture person. Problem solved.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is—pause. Take a breath. Get out of your head. See the moment for what it is. I'm mostly writing this as a reminder to myself, honestly. Blogging has always been my therapy, my grounding cord, my gentle nudge to grow. And growth starts with awareness.

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

It’s late and I really should be reading an article for class—yes, I’m back in school pursuing my MBA. I’m not entirely sure where it’ll lead me, but the future feels full of promise. For now, I’m in one of those late-night reflective moods. A little random, a little philosophical.

Lately, I’ve found myself becoming more and more a student of human behavior. The more I experience and learn, the more I notice how easily egos can be bruised—especially when the hurt comes from someone we hold in high regard. I’m not immune to it. Sometimes it feels like one careless comment can slash straight through your confidence.

But then I remember that childhood comeback: “I’m rubber, you’re glue—whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Kids really had it right. What changed? I think puberty turned us all into emotional puddles.

We forget that the present is all we truly have. Not the past we can’t change or the future we can’t predict—but the now. And now is always the best moment if we let it be.

I’ve always tried to be an advocate for living life happily. Sure, bad things happen—losses, heartbreak, setbacks. But those are the things that teach us. They push us to grow. And through it all, I’ve realized one thing: the less you care about what people think, the more you get to be yourself. Fully. Unapologetically.

I know my friends and family love me for exactly that—my love of life, my goofy laugh, my corny jokes, and my random trivia I feel everyone must know. And that’s the best kind of love: the kind that grows when you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s comfort.

So let the criticism bounce off. You’re rubber, remember?

Let people love you for being you.

Our Ego Makes Us Judge

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."
—Matthew 7:1–2 (KJV)

Society and scripture often feel like they’re at odds. While the Bible teaches us not to judge, social media and pop culture seem to encourage it. We scroll past people’s outfits, comment on their parenting styles, question how often they post—and Reality TV? It's made an empire out of drama and public opinion. We've become so accustomed to critiquing others that we often forget to reflect on how we should actually treat people.

I try to remind myself not to scrutinize others—it’s not my place. But I’ll be honest, there's still a quiet voice in my head that tries to override that. Judgment has become second nature in a world that rewards comparison. But if I truly believe that we are created in God’s image, then judgment isn’t my job. That’s His alone. Most religions share this sentiment: we are meant to love others, even when we don’t agree with them.

This has been hard for me to accept, especially because I’ve always felt this deep desire to help people. But somewhere along the line, I started confusing help with control. I wasn’t guiding them for them—I was trying to mold them into someone more like me. Someone once asked me:

“Why do you feel the need to correct people’s grammar? Is it for them, or for you?”

Oof. That question landed hard.

Because honestly, it was for me. It was about boosting my ego—feeling helpful, needed, or “right.” It took me a long time to understand that unsolicited help is often just another form of control. And control, at its core, is ego in disguise. When we try to orchestrate how others should act or speak, we're really just trying to comfort ourselves.

I’ve lived alone for a long time, and I know I’ve grown a little set in my ways. I like order. I like structure. But I’m realizing that clinging to control only leads to disappointment and stress. Letting go feels counterintuitive… but it's freeing.

Wedding planning is a perfect example. I’ve talked to a few guy friends going through it, and they’re frazzled. Why? Because everyone wants the day to be perfect. We obsess over details, timelines, and seating charts, thinking we can control the outcome. But in the end, the day unfolds how it’s meant to—bumps and all—and it's still beautiful. Just like life.

So here’s what I’m practicing: Let life happen. Let people be who they are. Offer help when it’s asked for. And above all, let go of judgment. There is peace in releasing control, and clarity when ego is set aside. Work hard, stay kind, and trust that things will unfold as they’re meant to.

Positivity Is Your Destiny

This morning sparked a fresh wave of motivation in me. During my vacation from work, I promised myself I’d spend time writing—but I wasn’t quite sure where the inspiration would come from.

Then, the Comedian sent me a text. It was a message from Joel Osteen, and everything clicked into place. He touched on something I had just been thinking about the day before: you are in charge of your destiny. If you walk through life with a negative mindset, negativity will follow. But if you decide to embrace positivity, great things begin to unfold.

While watching a video the Comedian shared, I saw this quote that stuck with me:

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." —Thomas Jefferson

It reminded me of stories I’ve heard over the years that fuel my own ambition. Like Jack Canfield, the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Struggling financially, he wrote himself a check for $100,000 and visualized receiving it. Not long after, he started selling articles for $1 each. He sold 100,000—and made that exact amount. Or Jim Carrey, who famously wrote himself a check for $10 million while still a struggling actor. Not long after, he was paid exactly that for Dumb and Dumber.

Now, maybe you're sitting there thinking, That would never happen to me. What makes me so special?

And that right there—that thought—is the problem. Self-doubt clouds your ability to receive. The truth is, you are special. You were born with something unique to offer this world. When you start envisioning your dreams as realities, when you move in faith instead of fear, life begins to shift. God works in ways we don’t always understand—but He does work.

People have told me all my life there’s something special about me. I haven’t fully uncovered what that is yet—but I’m not giving up. I believe I’m meant for something amazing. And you know what? So are you.

A couple of years ago, I came up with this quote, and I still stand by it:

“I refuse to believe misery is my destiny.”

You don’t have to accept unhappiness as your end. You are the author of your own story. Choose to write it with faith, hope, and positivity.

Because your destiny is waiting.