5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

Murphy's law teaches us only one thing. Couples should discuss topics that can go south before they occur. Marriage is a fortress; its stability depends on how much attention you devote while building its base. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, that’s why you should discuss this topic on time; it might spare you of nerve-wracking situations in marriage.

Finances and money investments

Math and love don’t get along. Falling in love is something utterly irrational, and it should stay that way. No one ever said, I might spend my life with this person”, it just happens, like a bolt from the blue, without thinking you are already wearing a ring. But there should be a place for numbers in marriage. Even for little things like groceries, double companions should be equally involved. It allows marriage to be founded on confidence and trust. Long-term financial planning is of particular importance because it ensures the intentions of the spouse and strengthens a marriage. The less concern you get, the more, you will enjoy your marriage, and it will be easier to overcome other problems.

Sex life

Determine your sex life. Be clear how often would you like to have sex. I get it; everything works fine, sex is great, and you are deeply in love, you apparently think, why should I discuss something which is already perfect? In fact, if you want it to stay like that, it is important to start talking about sex life so you can prevent potential problems that might be just around the corner. The downfall of passion is waiting for you, and, sooner or later, it will happen. This is normal, but it won’t seem so if you don’t discuss it before it happens. A possible outcome is that your partner may start to doubt you, it is almost inevitable. This can be a cause for major problems in a marriage. Feel free to talk through every possible situation that crosses your mind.

Spirituality

You might end up in a relationship with a person that doesn't share your beliefs. No one expects big changes or surprises in this area after going to the registrar. Let’s say I’m a deeply religious person, but my wife is an atheist. That’s all right, I respect her views and beliefs, and she respects mine. But when children come along, you might face a situation where neither of you knows how to educate them. How do you make a compromise when things are opposed? A solution to this problem might be expressing both sides’ attitudes to the children as they grow so they can decide what is better for them. You may be lucky with a partner who is not stubborn, but imagine all this with a person who doesn’t want to make concessions. This could put marriage into question.

Career goals and aspirations

People should always think about getting married if they tend to pursue higher education and job success. We are living in modern society, and the “housewife norm” in traditional families is a thing of the past. On the other side, our reproductive organs are still same. There is no such a thing as accelerated pregnancy, and that won’t exist anytime soon, so partners should be aware of each other's plans in their professional lives. Different attitudes about having kids may be a great destruction force that can threaten a marriage, so it’s better to talk about that before it's too late, but not too early and not on a first date.

In-laws issues and influence of other people

This part should be simple, it’s your marriage, your story, and it should be without external influences, but reality is something else, other people will try to shape your marriage. Newlyweds will always have a strong bond with their parents and friends, that's normal, but there should be boundaries when it comes to your partnership. Each decision should be made by the spouses and their agreement. It is critical to envisage this before you drop the anchor. Involvement of other persons increases the chance of an unstable marriage.

Many other things are important to discuss before you lead your darling to the altar but from my experience, this are most important

What to Expect When... Getting Married

First and foremost, I have a couple of announcements.  The podcast is coming back!  After a year and a half in hibernation, I knew it was time to bring it back.  But this time, there will be a new format and a cohost.  I am super excited because we recorded some of the shows today and the banter is just fantastic.  Look out for the first episode this week. The other day, the comedian and I were talking about preparation for marriage.  When you buy a car or have a baby, some people take the time to do their research before finalizing on a decision.  Why don't we do that when we decide to get married?  I lucked out in the sense that the Comedian was extremely adamant about building a foundation before making any serious moves, like getting married or having children.  You can't fix a relationship that's already broken.

There are some people out there that believe a child can put a band-aid on a serious problem or that sex is the solution to avoiding a relationship.  It's kind of like alcoholism.  The problems just don't disappear because your mind is somewhere else.  They will be there when you get back.  I had a good friend of mine was going through a divorce and decided to move across the country from Orlando to LA in hopes that a change of scenery would bring him back to his usual self.  Unfortunately, it didn't.  He went into a little bit of a depression and decided to move back.  In reality, his support system was here in Orlando.  The people around him nursed him back to himself, and he was able to date again.

I'm not saying our system is perfect, but we can both say we know the other person well.  The Comedian promises he has more romantic gestures up his sleeves and those are the kinds of surprises I like.  There is a reason the court in Florida gives you a discount on your marriage certificate when you take a course before getting hitched.  Marriage is supposed to be forever.  That's what we all say in our vows.  Take the time to read some books together or try one of those "get to know you" questionnaires they have on Pinterest.  I've done a few of those with the Comedian early in our relationship.  I'll even add a link to a few for good measure.

Many of us women have this dream of finally being loved by our prince charming.  I know it's easier said than done but take the time out to get to know your prince before he becomes your King.  He could very well be a frog.

Here are some books to read together and links to those questionnaires I promised.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

100 Random Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

40 Personal Questions to Ask Your boyfriend

13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

I'm Officially Mrs. Comedian!

I’ve officially been married to the Comedian for a month and two days.  I know I’m a bit late on relaying my experience but what better time before a long weekend to indulge in some wedding highs and lows. Overall, it was exactly what I wanted.  A big party.  I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to celebrate such a special occasion.  Everyone asked what I wanted out of the wedding, and my reply was simple: good food and good music.  We had both!

For those who don’t know, I’m obsessed with sharing how Orlando is not just a town for theme parks.  There is so much else to see and try.  Because of this, I chose a wedding venue that embraced old Orlando

and what it used to be with some Spanish flair.  We had our wedding at tapas restaurant named Ceviche located right in the heart of downtown Orlando.  The brick streets and old buildings give the whole area of Church Street it’s character.  I could go into ghost stories about this particular area, but that would be an entirely different blog.  I have frequented this restaurant with a good friend of mine plenty of times to talk about business and life over champagne and great food.  The details in the woodwork all over the restaurant took me over the edge.  I was sold.  I had gone to other venues, but they didn’t appeal to me nearly as much.  The Comedian and I are a unique, creative couple and the venue needed to embody that.

A few months before the wedding, everything started to hit me hard.  I was struggling with the financials.  How was I going to pay for everything?  Then it hit me.  The florist I initially hired went bankrupt.  Say what?!?!  I went into a panic mode.  Kelly, the event coordinator at Ceviche, came to my rescue.  She gave me a couple of names, and I was put in touch with Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids.  She quoted me less than the original florist, and the flowers turned out amazing.  The biggest debacle with this was, I had already paid in full.  Since the services were not rendered, the bank was able to help me out and I was credited the money for the flowers.

Situation diverted.

Finally, the day had arrived.  We had the rehearsal the night before and then I went out with friends, walked

to the gorgeous Grand Bohemian hotel, and spent my last night as a single person alone.  It was nice to have a big king size bed to myself without a snoring dog an earshot.  (I do love Rosco, but he can be loud).

I woke up the day of the wedding around 8 am like a little girl on Christmas morning, took a shower, and met my sister and some friends for breakfast at this cute little French bistro in downtown Orlando called Le Gourmet Break.  I believe the owner makes the croissants and they are to die for!  We went back to the hotel to start the process of getting ready.  My hairstylist and make-up artist, Karen from the Karmel Design Team, got there around 11 AM.  She started on me to get me prepped, and I sat in a robe the majority of the day pacing around.  I did hire a wedding coordinator from Events Unlimited by M, Maria, who was my saving grace.  I could not imagine worrying about setting up the wedding and all of the chaos that must have ensued without me knowing.   I would have paid so much more for her (thanks for the family discount!).  I am a little OCD when it comes to things getting done so it was hard for me to sit still and I kept thinking of new things that would come up.

After the bridesmaids were done with their makeup and hair.  Karen sat me down to start the process of making me a bride.  At the same time, Stephanie, my photographer from Lily Lu Photography, and Rose from Sophia Rose Photography and Film showed up.  They started asking me a slew of questions, and I was immediately overwhelmed.  I think it’s because, as a bride, we want everything to be perfect.  We want to give the right answer quickly so that nothing is missed.

My makeup was now done, and I was posing.  The flowers arrived, and things were moving.  I think the next 30 minutes to an hour were a complete blur.  My best friend from college, Hanio, and his wife had gifted us with transportation from their company Airport Super Express based out of Miami.  He was a little lost, and I tasked one of my bridesmaids to give him directions.  The blur ensued.

We got downstairs to the van and left to the venue which was a block away.  (Who wants to walk downtown in a wedding dress?)  We all walked into the venue, the bridesmaids, parents and more were all lined up while I hid from the Comedian with both my mom and dad.  Then the moment came, I walked down the aisle to my cousin playing guitar.  I was speechless.  The roses lined down the aisle, and the smile on the Comedian’s face was all I ever dreamed of.  It was sincerely a perfect moment.  Our pastor was funny, and the vows were touching.  This was it… we were married!

We took pictures then headed to the reception.  When we entered, the rest was another blur.  Time flew.  The Comedian and I had our first dance; then I dance with my dad which is another dream of mine.  With all that we have been through as father and daughter, this was the only moment I would had ever asked for.  Thank you, Daddy, for giving that to me… now I’m starting to tear up.  Back to the party.

We ate, said hi to everyone, the photo booth arrived (thanks mom for the gift!); we took some more pictures, and the speeches were given.  Savier, the Beard from The Beard and the Mole, and my sisters spoke with heartfelt verses in front of the crowd.  Then we danced.  DJ Sparks put on such a great party.  I did not expect anything less.  We picked him up from another wedding that had the same result.

After all was said and done, we found a petty cab downstairs, and I drove off into the distance (well the hotel) with my husband.

I honestly could not have asked for a better night.  Thank you, everyone, who helped during this crazy time!

P.S.  I don’t have the professional pics yet, but when I do, I promise to share.  In the meantime, here’s a trailer from Sophia Rose.

https://vimeo.com/190464051

Is Divorce an Option?

Last night I was perusing through my Hulu account because all of my shows had ended their season and came across "Mistresses" with Alyssa Milano. I was a little interested because I've been a fan of hers since "Who's the Boss" and "Charmed" so I figured I gave it a try. I should had known what I was in for due to the title of the series. It's kind of sad to realize that this kind of program can exist because it has become socially acceptable that people cheat on their significant others. I remember from a History in TV class I took in college (I was a TV/Film Production major for a little), that society is actually ahead of TV trends. Like the first interracial or same sex kiss did not show up on any program until it was firmly known it was socially acceptable and a riot wouldn't form because it was shown in front of the public.

Anyhow, it saddens me that cheating on spouses is something that comes as some sort of a norm. I'm not naive to the subject, I do have personal experiences among family and friends that, unfortunately, have been a victim of cheating. I wonder, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Do people get married with the idea that divorce is an option and that if they get tired of their spouses, they just cheat? Maybe it bothers me because my parents did divorce when I was a teenager. I had suffered from commitment issues for a very long time because I didn't want the same to occur to me. That is probably why I was a serial dater because I could just run as soon as I saw the possibility of becoming vulnerable.

A few years ago, I decided that if I were going to settle down, it would be one time. I would make myself the best version that I could be. I would then date serious guys who had their stuff together and wanted a future together. Then one day I heard the following quote:

“Divorce can’t be an option – it’s really that simple. If you just remove the option… because, if you have the option, one day that person’s gonna make you wanna divorce.

“That’s been a huge part of the success for she and I… We’re like, ‘Listen, we’re gonna be together one way or the other so might as well try and be happy.” - Will Smith

I realized I would have to find someone with the same mindset I did when it came to marriage and making it work.

I know some people just say, it didn't work out or we just grew apart but I think the idea of getting married when you're a little older, you had the chance to get to know your wants and needs in a relationship. You, in turn, would make the smarter choice in a partner. Maybe I'm in my own world when it comes to this concept. Then I ask, why even get married if divorce is an option?

Lies, secrets and the woman

In a twist of life events, I have changed from "one of the guys" to the only single girl among several taken girlfriends. With this change, a whole new sense of observations has occurred. The biggest I've found is the progression of a man's thought process when he's with the woman he loves. I believe that they if they mold themselves to the "married" man the relationship would be more successful. I put "married" in quotation because I think as a man gets in a relationship, he swears he will always be the man he was in the beginning but with a woman's guidance, they learn not to piss their significant other off.

I was on a trip recently, and I heard some comments made by the men that they were not going to tell their significant other what really occurred on their trip except for one. The one guy who said he would tell his wife what happened because he learned in previous experiences not to keep secrets. She would find out. Interestingly enough, when one is with another person for such a long period of time, especially a man, they learn the different facial expressions made when they are lying. I hate to say this because I still have those guy friends. Men are horrible liars. Men are not known for keeping their emotions in check. They wear their feelings all over their face and actions.

I find this situation comical because I am pretty much sitting in the audience of the events that are occurring in these relationships as an observer. I don't understand why these men believe that their secret will not be released. I also think men are worse gossipers than women but that's another blog.

If for some reason the women do find out about their man's actions, they will definitely be sleeping on the couch that night.