April 01, 2018

Always the Traveler’s Wife, Never the Traveler

April 01, 2018/ Valerie Rivera

No one said marriage was easy. Filling extra time has been a battle but there’s a purpose behind it all.

March 23, 2017

5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

March 23, 2017/ Contributor

Murphy’s Law teaches us one thing: if something can go wrong, it will. That’s why couples should talk through the tough topics before they become issues. Marriage is like building a fortress—its strength depends on how well you lay the foundation. A little prevention can go a long way in sparing you from sleepless nights, big fights, and avoidable heartache. Here are five conversations you should definitely have before you walk down the aisle.

1. Finances and Money Management

Love may be blind, but it still needs a budget.

Falling in love is beautiful and, let’s be honest, often irrational. No one starts planning a life together thinking about joint bank accounts or investment strategies—but you should. Financial conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential.

Discuss things like:

Who pays for what?
Do you save or spend?
How will you handle debt or big purchases?

Long-term financial planning builds trust and clarity. And the fewer financial surprises, the more you’ll enjoy your life together.

2. Sex Life Expectations

Let’s talk about sex—really talk about it.

Sure, in the honeymoon phase, everything feels spicy and effortless. But over time, sex lives change. If you never discuss expectations around intimacy—how often, preferences, boundaries—you risk miscommunication and emotional distance.

Sexual connection can fluctuate, and that’s okay. What matters is having the openness to talk about it before you start feeling rejected or confused.

3. Spirituality and Belief Systems

Faith—or lack of it—can create conflict if you don’t plan ahead.

Maybe one of you is spiritual and the other is not. That might work perfectly fine until decisions about holidays, rituals, or raising children come up. If you don’t align, or at least respect each other’s values and find common ground, resentment can build.

Be honest: What values are non-negotiable? What are you willing to compromise on? When it comes to parenting, can you both respect duality, or is that a dealbreaker?

4. Career Goals and Timing for Kids

You can’t fast-track biology, but you can align on timing.

Marriage in today’s world often means two people chasing big goals. But if one of you wants to travel the world or go to grad school, while the other wants to start a family ASAP—you’re on two different timelines.

Have real conversations about:

Career priorities
Timeline for children (or not)
Flexibility and compromise

Being honest about goals helps prevent resentment—and keeps you moving forward as a team.

5. In-Laws and Outside Influence

Your marriage should be built for two—not a crowd.

Unfortunately, some people don’t leave their parents emotionally. It’s important to discuss how much influence in-laws, friends, or others should have in your marriage.

Healthy boundaries early on will save you major stress later. Your decisions, your rules. Just make sure you’re both on the same page before the opinions start rolling in.

Final Thought

There are plenty of topics worth discussing before marriage—but these five are a solid place to start. Talk early, talk often, and talk honestly. Your future self will thank you.

January 16, 2017

What to Expect When... Getting Married

January 16, 2017/ Valerie Rivera

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.

Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.

The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?

I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.

Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.

A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.

I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.

There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)

So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.

Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:

November 23, 2016

I'm Officially Mrs. Comedian!

November 23, 2016/ Valerie Rivera

It’s been a month and two days since I married The Comedian—and while I may be a little late sharing the details, what better time than now to reflect on the highs and lows of the big day? In short, it was everything I wanted: a big, beautiful party filled with good food, good music, and the people we love most.

Everyone asked me what I wanted out of our wedding, and my answer was simple: a fun celebration. And Orlando delivered. While many know the city for its theme parks, I’ve always loved showing off the other side of Orlando—its character, charm, and culture.

Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole

and what it used to be with some Spanish flair. We had our wedding at tapas restaurant named Ceviche located right in the heart of downtown Orlando. The brick streets and old buildings give the whole area of Church Street it’s character. I could go into ghost stories about this particular area, but that would be an entirely different blog. I have frequented this restaurant with a good friend of mine plenty of times to talk about business and life over champagne and great food. The details in the woodwork all over the restaurant took me over the edge. I was sold. I had gone to other venues, but they didn’t appeal to me nearly as much. The Comedian and I are a unique, creative couple and the venue needed to embody that.

A few months before the wedding, everything started to hit me hard. I was struggling with the financials. How was I going to pay for everything? Then it hit me. The florist I initially hired went bankrupt. Say what?!?! I went into a panic mode. Kelly, the event coordinator at Ceviche, came to my rescue. She gave me a couple of names, and I was put in touch with Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids. She quoted me less than the original florist, and the flowers turned out amazing. The biggest debacle with this was, I had already paid in full. Since the services were not rendered, the bank was able to help me out and I was credited the money for the flowers.

Situation diverted.

Finally, the day had arrived. We had the rehearsal the night before and then I went out with friends, walked

That’s why we chose Ceviche, a Spanish tapas restaurant in the heart of downtown, as our venue. The brick streets and historic buildings of Church Street felt like the perfect backdrop for a unique and meaningful ceremony. I’ve shared many deep conversations at Ceviche over bubbly and great bites, so it only made sense to say “I do” there too.

Of course, like all weddings, there were hiccups. A few months out, the financial strain hit hard. And then—plot twist—the florist I’d already paid in full went bankrupt. Total panic. But thanks to Kelly at Ceviche and Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids, we got it sorted. Jaimz gave us a better deal and delivered stunning arrangements. Bonus: I got the original payment refunded thanks to my bank.

Crisis averted.

The night before the wedding, we had a lovely rehearsal, followed by a peaceful solo stay at the Grand Bohemian Hotel. It was the calm before the storm—in a good way. I woke up early, giddy like a kid on Christmas, grabbed breakfast with my sister and friends at Le Gourmet Break (the croissants are life-changing), and returned to prep for the day.

Karen from the Karmel Design Team worked her magic on my hair and makeup, while Maria from Events Unlimited by M kept the chaos at bay. If you’re a bride and don’t think you need a coordinator—trust me, you do. My OCD would’ve gone into overdrive without her.

Everything moved fast from there: makeup, flowers, photos, van rides, and finally… the aisle. My cousin played Spanish guitar as I walked toward The Comedian with both my mom and dad at my side. I saw his smile, and the rest of the world melted away.

The ceremony was touching and funny, the reception was a blur of dancing, speeches, and snapshots. I got to share a special dance with my dad—a moment I’ll treasure forever. DJ Sparks kept the party lit, the photo booth was a hit (thanks, Mom!), and we ended the night riding off to the hotel in a pedicab, full hearts and all.

Thank you to every single person who helped make this day unforgettable. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better way to become Mrs. Comedian.

P.S. I don’t have the pro photos yet, but here’s a sneak peek of the video:
🎥 Wedding Trailer - Sophia Rose Photography & Film

I honestly could not have asked for a better night. Thank you, everyone, who helped during this crazy time!

P.S. I don’t have the professional pics yet, but when I do, I promise to share. In the meantime, here’s a trailer from Sophia Rose.

https://vimeo.com/190464051

June 05, 2013

Is Divorce an Option?

June 05, 2013/ valslovebytes

Last night, I was browsing my Hulu account—because all of my shows had ended their season—and stumbled across Mistresses starring Alyssa Milano. I've been a fan of hers since Who's the Boss and Charmed, so I figured I’d give it a shot. I probably should’ve known what I was in for, considering the title.

What struck me wasn’t just the drama—it was the normalization of infidelity. Cheating, lying, betraying trust—it’s portrayed like just another storyline. And maybe that’s what got to me: how common it seems, how socially acceptable it’s become to cheat on your spouse.

In college, I took a History of Television class (I was a TV/Film Production major for a bit), and one thing that stuck with me is this: TV never leads culture—it reflects it. Society sets the tone, and television follows. The first interracial kiss, the first same-sex kiss—those didn’t happen on-screen until society had evolved enough to handle it without backlash.

So what does it say about us that we’re now comfortable with cheating being a staple of primetime TV?

I'm not naive. I've seen infidelity impact the lives of friends and family—people I love. And maybe it hits deeper for me because my own parents divorced when I was a teenager. That experience shaped how I viewed commitment. For years, I was a runner—serial dating, keeping things surface-level, afraid to go deep because deep meant vulnerable. And vulnerable meant the possibility of being left.

A few years ago, I made a conscious decision: If I was going to settle down, it would be once. I would take the time to become the best version of myself, and I’d choose someone who wanted to build a life with intention—someone who also saw marriage as something sacred, not disposable.

Then I heard this quote from Will Smith, and it stuck with me:

“Divorce can’t be an option – it’s really that simple. If you just remove the option… because, if you have the option, one day that person’s gonna make you wanna divorce.
That’s been a huge part of the success for she and I… We’re like, ‘Listen, we’re gonna be together one way or the other, so might as well try and be happy.’”

That changed everything for me. If you treat divorce as a backup plan, it becomes easier to walk away when things get hard. But if you remove the exit sign and commit to the long haul, you’re more likely to put in the work—together.

I understand some people say, “We just grew apart” or “It didn’t work out.” I’m not judging anyone’s journey. But I do believe that if you take your time—really take your time—to get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll make a more grounded, conscious choice. Maybe that’s the benefit of marrying a little later, once the fog of youth and fantasy has lifted and you really know what you need.

Maybe I’m in my own little world with this mindset. But then I ask:
Why even get married… if divorce is always an option?

April 26, 2011

Lies, Secrets, and the Woman: Observations From the Last Single Friend

April 26, 2011/ valslovebytes

In a strange twist of fate, I’ve gone from being “one of the guys” to the only single girl among a circle of girlfriends in relationships. And with that shift came a whole new lens—one that sees the dynamics of love, lies, and lessons unfold in real time.

One of the biggest observations?

The evolution of a man’s behavior when he’s with a woman he loves.

I’ve come to believe that if men intentionally stepped into the “married mindset”—and yes, I’m putting “married” in quotes here—even early in the relationship, they’d be far more successful.

At first, they all swear:

“I’ll never change. I’ll always be me.”

But slowly, under a woman’s influence (read: wisdom and boundaries), they start to learn what not to do—aka, what won’t fly if they want peace at home.

Case in point:

I was recently on a trip where I overheard several guys chatting. The topic?

“What are you actually going to tell your partner about this trip?”

Most of them admitted they’d leave out a few details.
Except one.
One man said he planned to tell his wife everything—because in past relationships, he’d learned the hard way:

Secrets don’t stay secret.
She’ll find out.

And he’s not wrong.

The longer you’re with someone—especially as a man—the more your partner learns your tells. The shifts in your voice, the twitch in your face, the weird pause in your sentence.

Men are not subtle.
They aren’t built to hide emotions well.
They wear them on their sleeves—and honestly, they’re terrible liars.

I say this lovingly. I still have great friendships with these guys. But from where I’m sitting—on the sidelines of their relationship dynamics—it’s all just... comical.

Why do they think their secrets won’t come out?
And let’s be honest—men gossip more than women, but that’s a topic for another blog.

If (or when) their significant others find out what really happened?
Let’s just say... it’s going to be couch city, population: them.

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