Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong

Smartphones and apps have opened the floodgates of free online dating. And why not? You can meet lots of interesting people online - more than you'll meet in a loud, smoky bar. You can filter them to make sure their age, appearance, background, and interests are compatible with yours. And it's fun. Research firm GlobalWebIndex reported in 2015 that 91 million people are using apps like Tinder. Why not? Tinder has millions and millions of users. Surely the person you're looking for has an account.

NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK

Maybe so. But Tinder's strength - that it is so widely used - is also its weakness. You're not looking to date millions of people. You're looking to find a particular someone.

General-purpose apps and dating websites try to convince you that having lots of members is a benefit. But in most cases, such sites are a waste of time. (That's one reason their customer ratings are so low.)

Suppose you’re interested solely in guys with beards. Or maybe someone who shares your religious background. A general-purpose dating app may let you set filters so you see only members who match your criteria.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll find lots of them. Like you, people in niche categories find general-interest dating sites and apps frustrating, inefficient, and boring. So you don’t find them there.

A MATTER OF FOCUS

Luckily, savvy website operators have created specialized dating sites for people with particular interests. You can now find a website to help you connect with guys with beards, or fellow Catholics, or big beautiful women, or guys with children, or women with tattoos, or married people interested in discreet relationships, or...well, you name it!

A niche dating site is more efficient because you don't have to wade through the profiles of lots of people who don't match your interests. Better yet, such a site is a community of people who share your attraction. You'll enjoy a real sense of community at a niche site. You can pick up useful online dating tips, chat with like-minded singles, and compare experiences.

A niche site attracts precisely the people you are looking for. And because it rewards their searches with qualified potential partners, they stay active. They tell their friends. The site becomes more and more useful over time.

Best of all, you can be sure that you'll find just the kind of dating partner you're looking for.

Let other singles waste their time swiping left and swiping right on Tinder. You're better off with a niche dating website where you can meet exactly who you're looking for.

Contributed by Dating VIP

What to Expect When... Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.

Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.

The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?

I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.

Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.

A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.

I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.

There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)

So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.

Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

• Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

• 100 Random Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 40 Personal Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

2016 - Year in Review: Creating the Life I Envisioned

I'd like to think this “Year in Review” idea becomes an annual tradition. I love reflecting on the past 12 months—the triumphs, the trials, and the unexpected turns that helped shape who I am today.

This year began in a good place. I was in full-blown wedding planning mode, excited to marry The Comedian. There were so many hopes and dreams swirling around: building a life together, staying creative, and reigniting my passion for writing.

At the beginning of the year, I was working a job I liked—mainly because of the people. But as the months dragged on, the grind wore me down. Working 8 AM to 6 or 7 PM, often outdoors in a construction-heavy environment, took a toll on my energy and spirit. I started losing myself. My blog, which once gave me so much life, sat dormant. Even trying to lose weight for the big day became emotionally taxing.

I remember lying in bed with The Comedian after one of our long, honest conversations about chasing our dreams. He gently called out that I was losing my spark. And he was right—I was in a rut. That night, I made a promise: by the end of the year, I would quit my job and pursue freelance writing full-time.

And I did.

Thanks to a few Craigslist posts (yes, really), I connected with some amazing clients who gave me the opportunity—and the confidence—to step away from my 9-to-5. I haven’t looked back. I’ve spent the holiday season in meetings, brainstorming, and planning for more clients. And Val’s Bytes? She’s back, baby. Look out for a fresh podcast format in 2017.

This year included two weddings—one of them being my own—and no baby showers (thank God). But the biggest blessing of all was marrying someone who believes in me, even when I doubt myself.

Of course, not everything was sunshine. My hometown of Orlando experienced unspeakable heartbreak with the Pulse Nightclub shooting. We lost icons like Prince. And I faced the emotional exhaustion of a job that no longer fit the person I was becoming.

But through all of that, I’m grateful. Because those shifts—both internal and external—led me closer to the life I’ve always envisioned. As we head into a new year, I want to leave you with this:

✨ Create your own destiny.

As a challenge, I want you to make a vision board (I'll share mine below). Visualize what you want. Pray for it. Meditate on it. Keep your thoughts positive and focused. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle says:

“See if you can catch yourself complaining… To complain is always nonacceptance of what is… When you speak out, you are in your power.”

A goal without a plan is just a dream. So let’s stop just dreaming. Let’s do something about it. Reflect, plan, believe, and act.

Happy New Year. May it bring everything you're brave enough to imagine.

Year in Review, vision board

The Rise of Dating Apps – Infographic

There is no doubt about the fact that we have seen a phenomenal rise in the use of dating apps and websites in the last number of years. Societal and technological changes have contributed to this rise with people more accepting of casual relationships and also we have witnessed the proliferation of smartphones and the Internet. Tinder, Grindr, Badoo are just a few that are now synonymous in the world of dating but it might surprise you which app is actually the most popular in terms of downloads.

Our friends at Carvaka have put together this interesting infographic which details all the data and statistics that you need to know about the monumental rise in dating apps all over the world.

-Elizabeth Morris, Head of Content, Carvaka Sex Toys

The Settler vs The Reacher

Coincidentally, when I’m unsure of what to write about, life hands me a lemon—this time in the form of a How I Met Your Mother binge (round two). I landed on an episode where Marshall is told he’s the “reacher” and Lily is the “settler” in their relationship. Cue the plot twist: Lily gets jealous when a beautiful woman kisses Marshall, and she ends up knocking her out. Classic.

Around the same time, I was talking to a friend about his most recent situationship. He’s a self-proclaimed bachelor—divorced, newly relocated, and determined not to get serious again. Did I mention he looks like John Cena? Attractive, motivated, and emotionally unavailable. The woman he started dating? Financially well-off and deeply invested, despite his repeated disclaimers. She thought she could change his mind. She became the reacher.

That’s what sparked my own reflection.

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During my early 20s, I had zero desire to settle down. Yes, I had a boyfriend or two, but marriage? Not on my radar. I wanted to explore and have fun. I dated what I now call “mimbos”—good-looking guys with little else to offer. It was my way of reclaiming confidence after feeling like the “ugly duckling” growing up. (Insert tragic 90s school photo here—thanks, James.)

When I discovered hair mousse, tweezers, and eyeliner, I realized I could pair intelligence with confidence. Bring on the handsome men! But I never wanted to commit. I didn’t want to be the settler.

Eventually, after a broken engagement and a handful of dating disasters, I hit 27 and thought, “Okay… maybe it’s time.” That’s when I switched roles. I became the reacher—trying too hard for the guys I liked, while the ones who lacked depth repelled me. One guy even had a gold grill. Yeah… not exactly someone I could bring to brunch with my girls.

I even found myself chasing someone who wasn’t even my type—just for the sake of someone. That’s when it hit me: what I really craved was a mental connection. My love language is quality time, and all I wanted was someone I could actually connect with.

Now, after watching that HIMYM episode again, I wondered: in my relationship with the Comedian, am I the settler or the reacher?

And honestly? I don’t think either of us are. We both bring something real and valuable to the table. We challenge each other, we laugh, we grow, and we love hard. I guess I’ll let you be the judge.

No One Wants to Hear about a Happy Relationship

“No one wants to hear about a happy relationship.”

That’s what the Comedian said after finishing a bit on stage. He always runs his jokes by me first—asking if it’s okay to use certain stories. Honestly? I don’t mind. I know most of it is an exaggerated version of our reality. Once, a woman pulled me aside after a show and said, “You don’t have to let him talk about you like that.” But sincerely, I’m okay with it. I’ve gotten used to being the butt of 90% of his jokes.

Happy Relationship, wedding, wedding photos, downtown orlando, grand bohemian, downtown orlando, bride

Comedians talk about what they know. And if they spend most of their lives with you, you're going to make it into their material. I usually just laugh and say, “I signed up for this when I decided to date a comedian.”

It’s not unlike being a dating blogger. For years, I wrote about my latest heartbreaks, bad dates, and cringe-worthy red flags. Now that I’m in a happy marriage, I find myself scrambling for “good material.” Because let’s be real—no one wants to read about a healthy, functional relationship, right?

Maybe that’s the problem. We love drama. We binge-watch reality TV to make ourselves feel better by comparison. If someone rich and beautiful is falling apart on camera, we feel like we’re doing okay. But lately, people have been coming up to us and asking, “How’s married life?”

And truthfully? It’s great. Nothing has changed. We’re still just two creative souls figuring life out together. He’s the guy who can make you laugh until you cry and then pivot to a deep conversation about society’s evolution. I didn’t even know that kind of balance in a partner existed—but it does. And I’m lucky.

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Someone once told me, “Enjoy this time, because you never know when things will change.” And she’s right. I’ve seen friends weather storms in their marriages. But the strong ones—the ones who truly get each other—find their way back. I admire that so much.

During his vows, the Comedian said that you need someone who grows with you and pushes you to be your best self. And that stuck with me. So here’s my challenge: talk about your happy relationship. Share it. Let people know that healthy love exists. Maybe it’ll make the search feel a little less impossible.

P.S. Our wedding video is out. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!
🎥 Watch it here

Why Technology is Killing Intimacy

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts yesterday—Heather Dubrow's World—and her guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky, said something that stuck with me: technology is getting in the way of intimacy.

Let’s be honest. With dating apps like Tinder, we’re choosing partners the same way we shop online—quick glances, snap judgments, and options galore. And yes, I was guilty of it too when I was single. I’d talk to five guys at a time (any more than that and I’d start confusing their stories). It was fun, sure, but was it intimate? Not even close.

When the initial connection is so superficial, the result is often a hookup—not a relationship. I’m not saying real love can’t be found online. It can. But like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You says: “That’s the exception, not the rule.”

Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love

And it’s not just dating. Even in the workplace, I’ve noticed a growing reluctance to pick up the phone. As younger professionals join the workforce, I hear, “He hasn’t responded to my email yet,” instead of “I called and left a message.” It’s a sign of the times: texting and emailing have replaced real conversations.

This spills into our personal lives, too. I’ve been guilty of it myself. The Comedian, who’s older and wiser, often reminds me that a quick phone call can resolve an issue in seconds that texting might stretch out for hours. And he’s right.

If you’re truly looking for a real, intimate relationship, consider ditching the swiping culture and trying a more intentional platform like Match.com or eHarmony. Then—here’s a radical idea—call them. Talk. Hear their voice. Build a connection that’s more than pixels on a screen.

Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love

We’re losing our ability to create deep bonds because we have a phone glued to our hands 75% of the time. Texting is convenient, but nothing beats eye contact, a real laugh, or hearing someone's voice when they say, “I miss you.”

Let’s not forget how to truly connect.

I'm Officially Mrs. Comedian!

It’s been a month and two days since I married The Comedian—and while I may be a little late sharing the details, what better time than now to reflect on the highs and lows of the big day? In short, it was everything I wanted: a big, beautiful party filled with good food, good music, and the people we love most.

Everyone asked me what I wanted out of our wedding, and my answer was simple: a fun celebration. And Orlando delivered. While many know the city for its theme parks, I’ve always loved showing off the other side of Orlando—its character, charm, and culture.

Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole

and what it used to be with some Spanish flair.  We had our wedding at tapas restaurant named Ceviche located right in the heart of downtown Orlando.  The brick streets and old buildings give the whole area of Church Street it’s character.  I could go into ghost stories about this particular area, but that would be an entirely different blog.  I have frequented this restaurant with a good friend of mine plenty of times to talk about business and life over champagne and great food.  The details in the woodwork all over the restaurant took me over the edge.  I was sold.  I had gone to other venues, but they didn’t appeal to me nearly as much.  The Comedian and I are a unique, creative couple and the venue needed to embody that.

A few months before the wedding, everything started to hit me hard.  I was struggling with the financials.  How was I going to pay for everything?  Then it hit me.  The florist I initially hired went bankrupt.  Say what?!?!  I went into a panic mode.  Kelly, the event coordinator at Ceviche, came to my rescue.  She gave me a couple of names, and I was put in touch with Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids.  She quoted me less than the original florist, and the flowers turned out amazing.  The biggest debacle with this was, I had already paid in full.  Since the services were not rendered, the bank was able to help me out and I was credited the money for the flowers.

Situation diverted.

Finally, the day had arrived.  We had the rehearsal the night before and then I went out with friends, walked

Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole

That’s why we chose Ceviche, a Spanish tapas restaurant in the heart of downtown, as our venue. The brick streets and historic buildings of Church Street felt like the perfect backdrop for a unique and meaningful ceremony. I’ve shared many deep conversations at Ceviche over bubbly and great bites, so it only made sense to say “I do” there too.

Of course, like all weddings, there were hiccups. A few months out, the financial strain hit hard. And then—plot twist—the florist I’d already paid in full went bankrupt. Total panic. But thanks to Kelly at Ceviche and Jaimz at Florida Flowers and Orchids, we got it sorted. Jaimz gave us a better deal and delivered stunning arrangements. Bonus: I got the original payment refunded thanks to my bank.

Crisis averted.

The night before the wedding, we had a lovely rehearsal, followed by a peaceful solo stay at the Grand Bohemian Hotel. It was the calm before the storm—in a good way. I woke up early, giddy like a kid on Christmas, grabbed breakfast with my sister and friends at Le Gourmet Break (the croissants are life-changing), and returned to prep for the day.

Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole

Karen from the Karmel Design Team worked her magic on my hair and makeup, while Maria from Events Unlimited by M kept the chaos at bay. If you’re a bride and don’t think you need a coordinator—trust me, you do. My OCD would’ve gone into overdrive without her.

Everything moved fast from there: makeup, flowers, photos, van rides, and finally… the aisle. My cousin played Spanish guitar as I walked toward The Comedian with both my mom and dad at my side. I saw his smile, and the rest of the world melted away.

Wedding, blog, relationships, dating, marriage, the comedian, the beard and the mole

The ceremony was touching and funny, the reception was a blur of dancing, speeches, and snapshots. I got to share a special dance with my dad—a moment I’ll treasure forever. DJ Sparks kept the party lit, the photo booth was a hit (thanks, Mom!), and we ended the night riding off to the hotel in a pedicab, full hearts and all.

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Thank you to every single person who helped make this day unforgettable. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better way to become Mrs. Comedian.

P.S. I don’t have the pro photos yet, but here’s a sneak peek of the video:
🎥 Wedding Trailer - Sophia Rose Photography & Film

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I honestly could not have asked for a better night.  Thank you, everyone, who helped during this crazy time!

P.S.  I don’t have the professional pics yet, but when I do, I promise to share.  In the meantime, here’s a trailer from Sophia Rose.

https://vimeo.com/190464051

The Truth to Matchmaking

Every time I meet one of The Comedian’s guy friends, I get asked the same question: “Do you have any single girlfriends?” The answer is yes, I do—but whether I think they’re a good match is an entirely different story. Matchmaking is not just some casual hobby—it’s practically a science. You can’t just toss two single people together and expect magic. The Comedian swears I have a matchmaking addiction, and maybe he’s right. I love love. I want people to experience it as deeply as I do. But, spoiler alert: it’s not always that simple.

happy couple

I’ve definitely learned the hard way. Sometimes, people aren’t ready for a relationship. Other times, they just don’t want one. I remember recently talking with a friend about setting her up with someone I knew—a great catch, but living in another state. What I didn’t share was that he had zero interest in being in a relationship. Lesson learned: don’t force a romantic vision on someone who hasn’t asked for it.

When matchmaking does work, it’s usually because both people are open and ready. I once met a guy when I was single, and while there was no romantic chemistry between us, he described exactly what he was looking for. Immediately, I thought of someone who matched his criteria to a T. I brought him to a place where I knew she’d be—and five years later, they’re still together.

There’s also this: some people say they want love but haven’t done the work to be ready for it. That’s a hard truth to swallow. I always say, “You can’t be happy with someone else if you’re not happy with yourself.” I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. The wild thing is, most of those frogs are still single—and not because they’re unlucky. It’s because they haven’t grown.

What drove me crazy when I was single was how inconsiderate some men were with time. If you make plans, show up—or at the very least, cancel. Basic decency, right? Some guys are just cowards. (Yeah, I said it.)

I see some of my girlfriends struggling with dating, and I get it—it’s brutal out there. But if you love yourself, exude confidence, and respect the feelings of others, you’re already ahead of the game. One of my go-to lines:

“You have to be the person you want to be in a relationship before you’re in a relationship.”

If you’re out partying three nights a week, fine—but consider how someone seeking real commitment might perceive that. A real partner wants peace, not pettiness. He’s not looking for someone to spiral because he forgot the anniversary of your first kiss.

Matchmaking isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about timing, emotional readiness, and intention. Love deserves thought. Always.

My Rattled Psyche

My psyche has been on a roller coaster lately—rattled, stretched, and occasionally flung upside down. Wedding planning, as it turns out, isn’t just about picking colors or tasting cake. It’s psychological warfare. One minute you’re overjoyed, and the next, you’re wondering how many more vendor calls you can take without spontaneously combusting.

Just yesterday, I was chatting with one of The Comedian’s coworkers whose daughter is also planning a wedding. She said her daughter reached the point where she simply doesn’t care anymore. And honestly? Same. I’m there. That’s my current zip code.

Relationships, advice, dating

But through all the chaos, I’ve met some truly incredible people. I’ve also discovered who’s willing to go the extra mile, and who quietly steps back. I still cherish my friends and family to the core—but I’ve had to come to terms with something difficult: You can’t save them all.

I recently had a conversation that reminded me why I care so deeply for people, even those who’ve hurt me. I’ve always had this pull to help, to reach out, to offer a hand even if it’s been slapped away before. It’s why I blog—to be the voice someone might need. Maybe some woman out there is standing at a crossroads, and she reads my story. Maybe she sees the light.

That hope keeps me writing.

I truly believe I was put on this earth to walk through certain storms so I could return with wisdom to offer someone else. Not the kind of wisdom that comes just from experience—but the kind that emerges when you choose to see your experiences as tools for growth.

It’s also why I tend to get invested in people’s relationships. I once spent an extra 30 minutes in an Uber giving the driver relationship advice. Whether or not The Comedian thought it was “appropriate,” my tipsy heart said, “Sir, you deserve clarity!”

The theme of my bachelorette cruise? Finding ourselves again. Because somewhere between the babies, the jobs, and the relationships, we forget how phenomenal we are. We forget the fire we carry. That trip reminded me: I love people. I love dancing like no one’s watching. And I love being surrounded by women who’ve lived, cried, healed, and still rise.

That’s why I feel so rattled—I had forgotten.

And now, I remember.

The truth is, wedding planning, working full-time, and navigating my freelance dreams have all taken a toll. I’m ready for the wedding to be behind me. Not because I’m not excited—I am—but because I’m ready to shift into a new season.

A season where I have time to write, time to travel, time to step into the purpose I’ve been dancing around for years. There’s a lot I can’t share yet, but just know this: change is coming, and it’s the kind of change that makes your heart beat a little faster with anticipation.

I might even go back to school. I’ve always felt called to help people in their relationships—to help them see clearly what they can’t from the inside. Sometimes all we need is one honest voice from the outside to shine a little light.

And speaking of light, this was Joel Osteen’s prayer today. I’ll leave it with you:

“Father, today I raise my level of expectancy. I choose to take the limits off of my thinking. I know that You are able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever ask, think or imagine. Thank You for the blessing You have in store for me in Jesus’ name! Amen.”

Here’s to rising. To realigning. To remembering who you are.

finding yourself, relationships, relationship advice