Coincidentally, when I’m unsure of what to write about, life hands me a lemon—this time in the form of a How I Met Your Mother binge (round two). I landed on an episode where Marshall is told he’s the “reacher” and Lily is the “settler” in their relationship. Cue the plot twist: Lily gets jealous when a beautiful woman kisses Marshall, and she ends up knocking her out. Classic.

Around the same time, I was talking to a friend about his most recent situationship. He’s a self-proclaimed bachelor—divorced, newly relocated, and determined not to get serious again. Did I mention he looks like John Cena? Attractive, motivated, and emotionally unavailable. The woman he started dating? Financially well-off and deeply invested, despite his repeated disclaimers. She thought she could change his mind. She became the reacher.

That’s what sparked my own reflection.

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During my early 20s, I had zero desire to settle down. Yes, I had a boyfriend or two, but marriage? Not on my radar. I wanted to explore and have fun. I dated what I now call “mimbos”—good-looking guys with little else to offer. It was my way of reclaiming confidence after feeling like the “ugly duckling” growing up. (Insert tragic 90s school photo here—thanks, James.)

When I discovered hair mousse, tweezers, and eyeliner, I realized I could pair intelligence with confidence. Bring on the handsome men! But I never wanted to commit. I didn’t want to be the settler.

Eventually, after a broken engagement and a handful of dating disasters, I hit 27 and thought, “Okay… maybe it’s time.” That’s when I switched roles. I became the reacher—trying too hard for the guys I liked, while the ones who lacked depth repelled me. One guy even had a gold grill. Yeah… not exactly someone I could bring to brunch with my girls.

I even found myself chasing someone who wasn’t even my type—just for the sake of someone. That’s when it hit me: what I really craved was a mental connection. My love language is quality time, and all I wanted was someone I could actually connect with.

Now, after watching that HIMYM episode again, I wondered: in my relationship with the Comedian, am I the settler or the reacher?

And honestly? I don’t think either of us are. We both bring something real and valuable to the table. We challenge each other, we laugh, we grow, and we love hard. I guess I’ll let you be the judge.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been in the online dating game since I was 17 — yep, back in the AOL chat room days. Fun fact: my senior prom date was someone I met in one of those very chat rooms. Long story short, my original date flaked last minute, and I had to scramble for a replacement. Shoutout to dial-up love.

Since then, I’ve racked up quite a few dates, phone calls, text threads, and “what was I thinking?” moments. So I figured it was time to share some pearls of wisdom for anyone venturing into the wild, weird, and sometimes wonderful world of online dating.

1. Use a Variety of Photos (Close-Ups and Full Body)

Let’s be real — no one wants surprises when it comes to appearances. That doesn’t mean you need to look like a model, but show you. No catfishing, no filters from 2006, and no pretending you’re 30 when you’re clearly 50. If you're not comfortable in your own skin yet, work on that first — because how can someone else love you if you don't even like yourself?

2. Less Is More (Seriously)

You don’t need to write your life story in your profile. Save a little mystery! A great profile should be short, sweet, and to the point. Highlight your vibe, what you love, and what you’re looking for. Ten sentences, max. Need inspo? Here's one of mine:

“I’m a goal-oriented, motivated Latina who loves to learn and laugh. I’ve been told I’m super laid-back and easy to get along with. I live for salsa dancing and surround myself with good vibes only. I’m a social butterfly who loves staying busy — life’s more fun that way. Looking for someone who’s confident, funny, emotionally available, and isn’t afraid to communicate. Bonus points if you love sports (GO GATORS and GO GIANTS!). Chivalry is not dead in my world.”

3. Trust Your Comfort Level

Some people online can be pushy. Don’t give your number to someone who gives you weird vibes. When you feel like someone’s genuinely putting in the effort — good conversation, respectful approach — that’s when you can consider exchanging digits. And don’t feel bad about taking your time. The right guy will respect your pace. Pro tip: if all he says is “hi” or “what’s up?” — keep it moving.

4. First Meetings = Public Places. Always.

This is not optional. No matter how charming someone seems, do not invite him to your home or go to his. Meet somewhere public where there are other people — it’s safer and you’ll feel more relaxed. Also, let a friend know where you’re going and check in after. Better safe than sorry!

5. Escape Plan (Optional… but Highly Recommended)

Sometimes dates go south fast. It’s okay to set up a “rescue call” from a friend about 30 minutes into your date. If you need an out, just answer with, “I don’t usually take calls, but this one might be important.” Then decide if you need to dip. Zero shame.

6. Be Yourself

Confidence is magnetic. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who laughs freely and owns her truth. If the date doesn’t work out, cool. There are plenty more fish in the sea (and some of them are actually worth catching).

I hope these tips help you feel a little more empowered as you navigate online dating. Got questions? Hit me up — clearly, I blog about this because I know a thing or two.

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The Settler vs The Reacher

Dating 101: Surviving (and Thriving) in the World of Online Dating