Why Technology is Killing Intimacy


I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts yesterday, Heather Dubrow's World, by one of the housewives of Orange County.  Heather Dubrow had Dr. Drew Pinsky on her show, and he mentioned something that got me thinking.  Technology has gotten in the way of intimacy. What do I mean by this?  Well, apps like Tinder give people the ability to choose by looks alone.  I know some might look a little deeper as they probably want to get to the know the person before they swipe right.  But it also allows a person to have more than one match at a time.  When I was single, I was guilty of the same thing.  I would talk to 5 guys at a time (that was my limit before I started mixing up stories).  Also, because the connection is superficial, it will probably end up in a hook up rather than a relationship.  I'm not saying that someone could not end up finding the love of their life on Tinder, however, that is the "exception, not the rule" (Yep, that's from "He's Just Not That Into You", it's a great movie that debunks a lot of dating faux pas).

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Also, there's texting and emails.  I have about ten years of professional experience under my belt.  As younger people come into the workforce, I notice one annoying habit; they don't pick up the damn phone!  Instead of chasing down a customer for an answer before delivery, they send an email.  Then their excuse is, "well, he hasn't answered my email yet."  Really????  Call the guy, leave a voicemail, make some effort.  This is the same idea in a relationship.  How does one add intimacy in a relationship when they are just texting?  I have been guilty of the same thing.  As a matter of fact, the Comedian, who is older and wiser, does point out that the conversation could be resolved faster if I just made a phone call.  It's a generational thing.

Needless to say, we have allowed texting to be a replacement for a normal conversation.  People even break up through text messages.  There is something to be said about those people who put their phone away while spending time with friends, family, or their significant other.  They have the right idea.  We are losing the ability to have intimacy in any relationship because we have a phone up to our face about 75% of the time.

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If you're looking for a real, intimate, relationship, try a dating site like Match.com or eHarmony.  Then take the time to qualify the person by talking to them on the phone.  You don't have to meet them in person, but you will have a better chance of real intimacy if you just talk to someone.