Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong

Smartphones and apps have opened the floodgates of free online dating. And why not? You can meet lots of interesting people online - more than you'll meet in a loud, smoky bar. You can filter them to make sure their age, appearance, background, and interests are compatible with yours. And it's fun. Research firm GlobalWebIndex reported in 2015 that 91 million people are using apps like Tinder. Why not? Tinder has millions and millions of users. Surely the person you're looking for has an account.

NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK

Maybe so. But Tinder's strength - that it is so widely used - is also its weakness. You're not looking to date millions of people. You're looking to find a particular someone.

General-purpose apps and dating websites try to convince you that having lots of members is a benefit. But in most cases, such sites are a waste of time. (That's one reason their customer ratings are so low.)

Suppose you’re interested solely in guys with beards. Or maybe someone who shares your religious background. A general-purpose dating app may let you set filters so you see only members who match your criteria.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll find lots of them. Like you, people in niche categories find general-interest dating sites and apps frustrating, inefficient, and boring. So you don’t find them there.

A MATTER OF FOCUS

Luckily, savvy website operators have created specialized dating sites for people with particular interests. You can now find a website to help you connect with guys with beards, or fellow Catholics, or big beautiful women, or guys with children, or women with tattoos, or married people interested in discreet relationships, or...well, you name it!

A niche dating site is more efficient because you don't have to wade through the profiles of lots of people who don't match your interests. Better yet, such a site is a community of people who share your attraction. You'll enjoy a real sense of community at a niche site. You can pick up useful online dating tips, chat with like-minded singles, and compare experiences.

A niche site attracts precisely the people you are looking for. And because it rewards their searches with qualified potential partners, they stay active. They tell their friends. The site becomes more and more useful over time.

Best of all, you can be sure that you'll find just the kind of dating partner you're looking for.

Let other singles waste their time swiping left and swiping right on Tinder. You're better off with a niche dating website where you can meet exactly who you're looking for.

Contributed by Dating VIP

AOL Chat Rooms and My Prom Date

Recently, I read an article about two dating gurus who met on Twitter and are now engaged. The woman mentioned she'd been dating online since she was 19—and I couldn’t help but smile. That number sounded familiar. Why? Because I started dating online at 17.

Yes, folks—that’s nearly 12 years of online dating before the Comedian and I made it official.
Back in the good ol' days of AOL chat rooms, dial-up tones, and screen names like ValenLatina, I was a curious, lovestruck teenager looking for connection in the most 2000s way possible.

The story starts with prom.

I had asked an old coworker I was crushing on to be my date. He said yes. I was thrilled. But I was also 17 and had yet to learn the lesson that confirming plans matters. Weeks went by with no follow-up, and when I finally got a hold of him—cue heartbreak—he had totally forgotten. He apologized and said he had to work.

I was devastated. This was senior prom. A rite of passage. And in my teen mind, the world had officially ended.

Naturally, I turned to the only place I knew for comfort: the AOL Orlando chat room.

After the obligatory “a/s/l?” intros, I started chatting. "Hey ValenLatina!" messages came flooding in. And then one conversation stuck.
He was a nice guy, about an hour away, and he patiently listened to my teenage sob story: dumped by a flaky prom date and scrambling for a plan B. After some back and forth, he said:

“I’ll take you to your prom.”

I couldn’t believe it. I had a date! But of course, I had to meet him first.

We decided on Old Town—if you're from the Kissimmee/Orlando area, you know that place.
We walked, we talked, and honestly… he was polite and sweet. Not quite fireworks, but hey, my online dating adventure had officially begun.

Prom came and went. He wasn’t really my type (and I was definitely not feeling a love story unfolding), but he showed up when I needed a date—and that mattered. My mom thought he was cute, which was... a bonus for her, I guess. 😅

That night didn’t end with a fairytale romance, but it did start my digital dating journey.
And I wouldn’t change a thing—well, maybe just my prom hair. That was a whole other tragedy.

The A.D.D. of Dating in the Age of Technology

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how technology has completely changed the dating game. I mean, only ten years ago, we were counting how many text messages we sent and waiting until after 9 PM to make free phone calls. Facebook wasn’t a thing yet, and most of us were still talking on cordless phones. I had one with the longest extension cord known to man, just so I could stay up talking into the late hours without waking anyone up. That feels like a lifetime ago.

Now? Everything is instant. Texting is unlimited. Everyone has a phone on them 24/7—and no one even talks on it. We text. We DM. We snap. Communication is literally at our fingertips. So how does this shift change how we date?

Back then, the thrill was in the waiting. A girl would run home hoping the guy she liked had left her a message. Now, we carry that anticipation in our pocket... and it’s exhausting. The accessibility has created a new kind of pressure. If we don’t get a reply in 30 minutes, we start to spiral. “Did I say something wrong?” “Is he ghosting me?” “Should I text again?” And with all that noise, the magic of mystery is lost.

We’ve become so addicted to instant gratification—if we don’t know something, we Google it. If we want to connect, we text. If we want to share, we post. But here’s the problem: dating now moves at the speed of a data plan. That once-simmering anticipation? It’s gone. Relationships often burn fast and fizzle just as quickly.

I’ve noticed this pattern in my own dating life. That early stage where you’re getting to know someone? It’s now filled with daily, almost non-stop texting. And let’s be real—sometimes, it’s just too much too fast. There’s no build-up. No time to wonder. Just constant interaction that can blur real feelings with digital noise.

Ladies (and yes, I’m talking to myself here too): if you get annoyed when a guy keeps asking, “Are you okay? Why haven’t you responded?”—flip the mirror. We can be just as guilty. Smothering someone with attention doesn’t make them fall faster. It usually has the opposite effect.

The truth? Less is more. Let someone miss you. Let them think. Let them feel. Don’t confuse texting chemistry with actual connection. Real emotion takes time, space, and silence to grow. I once read that “your emotions are your true thoughts—don’t let your head get in the way.”

So give it a beat. Let it breathe. If it’s meant to be, it won’t need a push notification to remind them of you.

Dating 101: Surviving (and Thriving) in the World of Online Dating

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I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been in the online dating game since I was 17 — yep, back in the AOL chat room days. Fun fact: my senior prom date was someone I met in one of those very chat rooms. Long story short, my original date flaked last minute, and I had to scramble for a replacement. Shoutout to dial-up love.

Since then, I’ve racked up quite a few dates, phone calls, text threads, and “what was I thinking?” moments. So I figured it was time to share some pearls of wisdom for anyone venturing into the wild, weird, and sometimes wonderful world of online dating.

1. Use a Variety of Photos (Close-Ups and Full Body)

Let’s be real — no one wants surprises when it comes to appearances. That doesn’t mean you need to look like a model, but show you. No catfishing, no filters from 2006, and no pretending you’re 30 when you’re clearly 50. If you're not comfortable in your own skin yet, work on that first — because how can someone else love you if you don't even like yourself?

2. Less Is More (Seriously)

You don’t need to write your life story in your profile. Save a little mystery! A great profile should be short, sweet, and to the point. Highlight your vibe, what you love, and what you’re looking for. Ten sentences, max. Need inspo? Here's one of mine:

“I’m a goal-oriented, motivated Latina who loves to learn and laugh. I’ve been told I’m super laid-back and easy to get along with. I live for salsa dancing and surround myself with good vibes only. I’m a social butterfly who loves staying busy — life’s more fun that way. Looking for someone who’s confident, funny, emotionally available, and isn’t afraid to communicate. Bonus points if you love sports (GO GATORS and GO GIANTS!). Chivalry is not dead in my world.”

3. Trust Your Comfort Level

Some people online can be pushy. Don’t give your number to someone who gives you weird vibes. When you feel like someone’s genuinely putting in the effort — good conversation, respectful approach — that’s when you can consider exchanging digits. And don’t feel bad about taking your time. The right guy will respect your pace. Pro tip: if all he says is “hi” or “what’s up?” — keep it moving.

4. First Meetings = Public Places. Always.

This is not optional. No matter how charming someone seems, do not invite him to your home or go to his. Meet somewhere public where there are other people — it’s safer and you’ll feel more relaxed. Also, let a friend know where you’re going and check in after. Better safe than sorry!

5. Escape Plan (Optional… but Highly Recommended)

Sometimes dates go south fast. It’s okay to set up a “rescue call” from a friend about 30 minutes into your date. If you need an out, just answer with, “I don’t usually take calls, but this one might be important.” Then decide if you need to dip. Zero shame.

6. Be Yourself

Confidence is magnetic. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who laughs freely and owns her truth. If the date doesn’t work out, cool. There are plenty more fish in the sea (and some of them are actually worth catching).

I hope these tips help you feel a little more empowered as you navigate online dating. Got questions? Hit me up — clearly, I blog about this because I know a thing or two.