I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts yesterday—Heather Dubrow's World—and her guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky, said something that stuck with me: technology is getting in the way of intimacy.

Let’s be honest. With dating apps like Tinder, we’re choosing partners the same way we shop online—quick glances, snap judgments, and options galore. And yes, I was guilty of it too when I was single. I’d talk to five guys at a time (any more than that and I’d start confusing their stories). It was fun, sure, but was it intimate? Not even close.

When the initial connection is so superficial, the result is often a hookup—not a relationship. I’m not saying real love can’t be found online. It can. But like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You says: “That’s the exception, not the rule.”

Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love

And it’s not just dating. Even in the workplace, I’ve noticed a growing reluctance to pick up the phone. As younger professionals join the workforce, I hear, “He hasn’t responded to my email yet,” instead of “I called and left a message.” It’s a sign of the times: texting and emailing have replaced real conversations.

This spills into our personal lives, too. I’ve been guilty of it myself. The Comedian, who’s older and wiser, often reminds me that a quick phone call can resolve an issue in seconds that texting might stretch out for hours. And he’s right.

If you’re truly looking for a real, intimate relationship, consider ditching the swiping culture and trying a more intentional platform like Match.com or eHarmony. Then—here’s a radical idea—call them. Talk. Hear their voice. Build a connection that’s more than pixels on a screen.

We’re losing our ability to create deep bonds because we have a phone glued to our hands 75% of the time. Texting is convenient, but nothing beats eye contact, a real laugh, or hearing someone's voice when they say, “I miss you.”

Let’s not forget how to truly connect.

I realized I haven’t posted in a while—but I promise to add new content more regularly this coming year. I’ll be starting my MBA in January, but you know what? Challenge accepted.

For whatever reason, I find it fascinating when the Comedian gives dating advice to his younger cousins. It’s not that what he says isn’t valid—it’s that it all makes complete sense. It’s like a window into the male brain. Since we met online, he never had to hit on me at a bar or throw out some cringey pickup line. But hearing his perspective still gives me a deeper understanding of the dating world from the other side.

I’ve spent years being single, dating, observing, laughing (sometimes crying) through it all—and I’ve definitely formed my own theories. For example: I’ve learned to smile when I want someone to come over. To laugh at their jokes (even if they’re bad). And I’ve come to admire what men deal with when it comes to rejection. Society often expects them to take charge, to initiate, to risk the “no.” Women have gotten bolder over the years—thankfully—but I’ll admit: when I’ve taken the lead, I’ve sometimes felt out of place. Too forward. Too masculine.

And let’s be honest: when I’ve approached a guy, about 75% of the time, I’ve been rejected. But when someone approaches me? There’s a 90% success rate for at least a decent conversation.

Now, I’m not saying don’t shoot your shot—by all means, do what works for you. I’ve just learned that for me, it’s more effective to make space for the connection to happen rather than force it. I also try to make the conversation about the other person, not me. The more I know about someone, the easier it is to see if we’re aligned. But again—that’s what works for me.

I said something the other day that felt like the most “me” metaphor possible:

“Dating is like math—there are different ways to get to the answer, but all that matters is you have the correct answer in the end.”

No matter who you are, there’s always a risk of rejection. But don’t let that stop you. There really are plenty of fish in the sea. And if someone doesn’t feel it, that just means they’re not your person.

My best friend once told me something I’ll never forget:

“If he doesn’t get your jokes, he’s not for you.”

And she was right. I have a unique sense of humor—equal parts dry, nerdy, and corny. I needed someone who would laugh with me or at least laugh because I’m laughing. Thankfully, the Comedian gets my jokes. Or at least pretends to, which is almost better.

So here’s my point: if you never take the chance, you’ll never know the outcome. Go for it. Risk the “no.” Because the worst that could happen? She says it. And you go on with your day. But the best that could happen? You find someone who laughs at your jokes—and gets you.

And that’s always worth the risk.

Blog

Why Technology is Killing Intimacy

Is Rejection Worth the Risk?

Val's Bytes

Want to stay connected?