I know it has been a while. Honestly, there's been a lot going on and I have a bad habit of not putting my own passions first. If you have been following me on social media, you have seen that I have co-hosted on two radio shows named Throwback Vibez and Locura Radio as a dating coach. After saying that, I take back my original point. I just haven't been writing.
I have slightly become obsessed with the topic of micro cheating. “Micro-cheating happens when you create small opportunities for affectionate behaviors that fall outside your relationship,” explains sex and relationship therapist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity.
The idea is so simple and yet, we have no idea that micro cheating could be happening right under our nose. Imagine, one day you're out with your girlfriends and a guy approaches you to spark up a conversation. If you allow it to pass the point of being affectionate then you're in serious trouble. Micro cheating can open up a can of worms before you even know it.
How do I know I'm micro cheating?
When you allow behaviors like micro cheating to occur, there might be something in your current relationship that you're craving. It could be as simple as not getting enough attention from your partner. When we do not feel loved (see The 5 Love Languages) we end up looking for that fulfillment somewhere else. That's when we open the door to micro cheating.
I read once that if a guy buys new shoes and he's not exactly the shoe buying type, it could mean he is on the prowl to find something new. I know this sounds kind of crazy but it was a warning sign that I saw right in front of my eyes once.
The same goes for women. If you find yourself dressing up and being more provocative, you could be looking for attention somewhere else. The worst is when you start lying by omission. The person you considered your best friend is no longer your priority and you are scared that your S.O. is going to learn about your flirty behaviors.
Micro cheating is not all that bad
If you have the ability to figure out that something is wrong and you're allowing men or women outside of your relationship to flirt with you and you engage then it is time to reassess your current situation. Recognize that something is wrong and sit down with your S.O. to hash it out. Your conversation is therapy you need to get your relationship back on track. It could also be a glaring red flag that it is time to get out.
Being self-aware of your actions is key when you start to welcome advances from outside of your relationship. Realizing that you are micro cheating is the first step in noticing that something is wrong.
Get back to talking in your relationship. Communication will get you both on the same page.