5 Signs You're in a Bad Relationship

Are you dating a narcissist? Master Manipulator? Emotional Terrorist? Here are some signs that you are in a bad relationship. I was told these signs a million times by people over the past years, and I pushed them back saying “he isn’t abusive things aren’t that bad, he doesn’t hit me.” If you find that you are doing this and minimizing the abuse maybe you need to take a step back and honestly evaluate your relationship. So here is a list of 4 things to watch out for and can show you that maybe it’s time to move on from this relationship.

1.  He Controls everything.

And it starts with your activities together it’s with his friends, his hobbies, and it’s all in his time; the activities you want to do never seem to work out. He isolates you from your family; you don’t see them as often as you did. Soon you start making up excuses to the people you love on why you never see them and why he never comes to you. He sabotages your friendships making you think that you choose to get rid of your friends.  Then control goes on steroids, and you start working from home, you no longer have a car, and when you leave the house, he is texting and calling wondering who you are with and how long you will be.  Soon he controls the money, and you no longer have your own, even though you work for it. Now don’t get me started with the sex because that’s going to be controlled too. It will be his choice on his time and his way. You will be left unsatisfied and unfulfilled with life and the relationship and when you complain he will make you feel like everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Like I said before he is in control of everything, so he is going to control the blame.  This is manipulation at its finest, and it will make you think you are crazy. Take a second and stay grounded; it takes two to tango so don’t think the bad relationship is all your fault.

2.  History of past Abuse.

How does your partner talk about his ex’s? Does he refer to them as crazy? When he talks about who he dated, did it end badly with each one?  You better think twice about being with someone that talks that way. There is a common denominator, and I don’t think it’s that he only finds crazy women to date. A strong, grounded, mature person doesn’t have to label someone as something to protect their ego. A man that has integrity can date remain friendly after it’s over. Listen to the ghosts of his past, they are telling you exactly who he is, and someone like this doesn’t find crazies he creates crazies.

3.  The giving and taking are not the same.

In a bad relationship, there will always be one person that is the taker and the other the giver. That’s how you have been able to stay with him so long but also the reason that you’re feeling drained. You’re giving everything and doing everything, and he will give you enough to keep you around.

4.  The game of emotional abuse: belittling and stonewalling.

Does he tell you things that are physically wrong with your body? Does he always fail to celebrate your successes? Does he stand up for you with friends or family? Does he call you his doormat? Then when you get upset (because these are all hurtful things), he then ignores you till you apologize for getting angry? This is all in the plan because if you think you aren’t enough for him, you get so low that you get to thinking you can’t live without him. You will bend over backward doing anything he wants to keep him around. No one deserves to be a doormat, close that door immediately and open another that will lift up the doormat, dust it off and treat you like the amazing woman you are.

5.  Cycle of abuse

Another reason you stay because when it is good, it’s SO GOOD. I remember crying after my ex, and I bought a house together, and we saged it and talked about all the positive things that were going to happen in the house. Well for once we did an activity I wanted to do.  And it was fun, happy, and he was all in and paying 100% attention to me. The high of things going well never lasts. Eventually, the honeymoon stage is over, and the cycle begins again. He will belittle, Stonewall or flat out choose anything or anyone over you; you then get upset and then you’re called crazy. Meanwhile, you think it’s your fault and stay because you  THINK you can learn not to be crazy. But in reality, you aren’t crazy, and anyone that gets belittled, stonewalled and flat out chosen last would be upset. You are Normal; You will find a reasonable person to love, and you will be fulfilled and completely healthy.

So if you can relate to this list and you think your relationship is very similar, Please Go! You’re beautiful, smart, strong, and even though you have been conditioned to think otherwise and even though it will be the hardest thing you have ever done; do it. He will never change, and you will stay unfulfilled and drained. You can have a best friend as a partner, someone that’s excited to see you. I remained in an abusive relationship for almost ten years, in the end after I changed my bad habits and worked on myself and came to find it still was not working because he didn’t want it too. I tried to leave three times before I did. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Now that it’s all over and I’ve been with an amazing man I have the relationship that mirrors my parents. I am so glad I did it. It took a long time to get here, and I’m so proud to be where I am and be who I am. We are both in love with each other and will do anything to make sure each other are happy. I didn’t think this existed, and I didn’t think a relationship could be natural, and it is.

Thanks for coming to the party today, I’m sorry it feels like such a downer, but it does end well. This story has ended happily ever after for me, and I hope this post helps change someone’s nightmare into a fairytale. Life is too short, and we only regret the things we never did. You won’t regret living a more fulfilled life and leaving the draining relationship. Let me know if you liked the post or it helped you in some way by commenting and sharing.

XOXO

Ryan Reynolds (But Not Really)

Last night, I went on a date with someone I met on Match.com. Honestly, I didn’t have high expectations. He didn’t really seem like my type physically from his photos, and on the phone, it was hard to get a full story out of him. Still, I was trying not to get my hopes up—call it a defense mechanism. He did, however, manage to convince me to cancel a date with an older guy I was second-guessing. So I gave it a shot.

We met at a pool hall and as I approached the door, I stopped in my tracks. This man looked like Ryan Reynolds. No exaggeration—he did not look like his profile pics… but in the best way possible.

Once we sat at the bar, he noticed I was acting a little shy. When he asked why, I admitted that I was honestly kind of thrown off by how attractive he was in person. He asked what I thought of his profile, and because I’m me, I told him the truth. I gave him my honest feedback, just like I had shared my dating experiences and thoughts on what women are really looking for.

The rest of the date felt… awkward. We were locked in this back-and-forth sarcasm battle, almost like we were competing instead of connecting. There was tension, but not in a sexy way—more like two people trying to one-up each other.

I told him during the date not to change his profile unless things didn’t go well. And because I’m nosy (let’s be real), I checked it the next day. He changed it.

Here’s the kicker—I didn’t realize I had moonlighted as an online dating profile consultant. At one point, he even asked if I’d ever been on a blind date before, and I couldn’t help but laugh. If only he knew about Bad Date 4 – The Really Blind Date. 😬

I guess the lesson here is: maybe don’t give dating advice to someone while you’re dating them. Or maybe... do. Just don’t be surprised when they take it and run—with their profile.

Hey Guys! This Is Tom: When Introducing Someone You're Dating Goes Awkwardly Wrong

I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets a surge of anxiety when introducing someone I’m dating to my friends — but it hits me every single time. Most of my friends think I’m dramatic for putting so much pressure on that moment, but I can’t help it. I genuinely care about everyone’s well-being and want harmony across the board.

Since I’ve never been especially close with my family, my friends are everything — they fill those emotional gaps and are often the first people I turn to when I need support. So yes, getting their stamp of approval on someone I’m seeing is super duper important.

A few months ago, a friend I used to date insisted on coming to visit me. I was hesitant — most of our conversations end in arguments — but because I’m annoyingly nice, I said yes. Coincidentally, one of my friends was having a birthday dinner that same weekend, and I didn’t want to miss it. So, I figured I’d just bring him along. Spoiler alert: I should’ve gone solo.

I picked him up from the train station. He practically leapt on me, and right then, I realized… OMG. I am so not into him like I used to be. I panicked a little inside but played it cool. I dropped him off at my apartment so I could finish up at work.

When I got back, he tried to kiss me again. Nope. I pushed him away gently, and we got ready for dinner. What I had forgotten — and this becomes important — is that he can’t hear out of one ear.

At the restaurant, I greeted everyone and waited for my best girlfriend, her husband, and another good friend to show up. Now, let me explain something: my best friend’s husband is very protective of me — think big brother vibes. When I introduce him to someone I’m dating, he usually doesn’t say much until he sees if they’re going to stick around. Smart man.

So we sit down… and “Tom” won’t stop talking. Like, at all. My friends try to ask him questions, but because of his hearing issue, he doesn’t catch them. Cue the awkward silence and confused glances.

I could feel the secondhand embarrassment radiating off my friends. I knew right then: I wasn’t going to live this night down. And spoiler again: I haven’t.

I’ll spare you the details of the rest of the night, but let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the kindest version of myself. It’s like my embarrassment turned into petty coldness. Not my proudest moment, but hey — sometimes your gut reaction is your loudest truth.

After that weekend, I made a new rule for myself: not everyone you’re dating needs to meet your friends right away. Sometimes, it’s better to give things time before merging worlds. If a guy’s not someone I can confidently bring around without stress, I’ll gladly sacrifice a couple nights out to avoid reliving The Tom Situation.

Bad Date #5 - Really?? Another bad tipper

I know I’ve told this story to a few people already, but it deserves a place in the Bad Dates Hall of Fame.

A couple of weeks ago, I thought I had finally made a genuine connection with someone. We’d been talking regularly, building up comfort and chemistry over the phone. I was cautiously optimistic.

So for our first date, I made an effort—hair, outfit, energy all on point.

He showed up... in military green cargo pants and a plaid shirt. Not terrible, but let’s just say, not exactly first-date energy. Still, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, we clicked on the phone. Maybe this could work.

And Then Came the Check...

Dinner went smoothly. Good conversation. I was trying to stay open. But when the bill arrived, something shifted.

Let me pause to say:

I’m a little old-fashioned. If a man invites me on a date, chooses the place, and sets the plans—he should cover the bill. Especially on a first date.

The check sat there for 30 minutes.
I could feel him waiting for me to offer to split it.

Then he conveniently excused himself to the bathroom. While he was gone, I peeked at the check. 👀

When he returned, he finally put down his card. Relief, right?

Until I saw him sign—and leave a $5 tip on a bill well over $100. That’s barely 5%.

And let me be clear:

Our waiter was amazing.
He knew the menu, gave great wine recommendations, and was genuinely charming.

I felt so bad that I later sent the restaurant a compliment card—and included a generous tip.

Trying to Talk Myself Into It...

After dinner, we went for a walk. I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t that bad. Maybe he was nervous? Maybe he forgot cash?

But I just couldn’t get past it.
That feeling stuck.

When we wrapped up the walk, I told him I was tired and needed to go home. (A white lie—but one that saved me.)

The Aftermath

The next day, he sent a routine “good morning” text. I decided to be honest—well, partially.

I replied:

“Listen, I think it’s best we stay friends.”

He called immediately.
“What happened?”

I didn’t want to be harsh, so I said I just didn’t feel the chemistry. Not a total lie—but not the full truth.

He got defensive.
“You’re not who I thought you were. You lied to me.”

Then the texts started—accusing me of being influenced by my friends, questioning my character, spiraling into full-on emotional chaos.

Finally, I told him the truth.

I said the tip thing turned me off. That it felt inconsiderate and reflected poorly—especially for a first date. That the expectation for me to split the bill wasn’t communicated and felt unfair, given he invited me and chose the restaurant.

He admitted he got caught—but then tried to justify it.

“You can’t judge me off that one action. I’m not cheap.”
“I’m on a budget.”
“I didn’t expect the bill to be that high.”

Seriously?

This man was from New York and didn’t know what a decent restaurant would cost?
Do your research. Don’t guilt me for expecting basic courtesy.

Final Thoughts

Needless to say,

That was the first and last date.

Another one for the archives.
Another reminder that if someone shows you who they are at the tip line—believe them.

Bad Date #4: The Really Blind Date

Here’s a lesson I learned a long time ago:

Never meet someone from the internet without seeing a picture first.

I was about 20 or 21, maybe in my second or third year of college at UF in Gainesville, when I started talking to a guy from Orlando. We hit it off over the phone—hours of conversation, easy banter, real connection.

He told me I’d seen his picture before (spoiler: I hadn’t), and he spoke so highly of his appearance that I... just went with it. Young, naïve, and curious, I agreed to meet him.

We planned a date for one of the weekends I was visiting home in Orlando. He chose a popular restaurant near International Drive.

I pulled into the parking lot, and as I stepped out of my car, he greeted me with a rose. Sweet, right?

Except...

I had never seen this man in my life.

He was not what I expected physically—and definitely not my type. But I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because our phone connection had been so strong.

I kissed him on the cheek, placed the rose in the backseat, and tried to keep an open mind.

When Words Disappear

We sat down at the restaurant.
And then... crickets.

He had nothing to say.
This man who had once talked to me for hours was suddenly shy and stiff. To pass the time, I started listening to two Italian men at a nearby table and translated their conversation (I was taking Italian at the time).

He asked, “Is something wrong?”
I said, “No... I’m just surprised you’re not talking much.”

His reply?

“I’m nervous.”

I gently reminded him that we’d been talking nonstop for two weeks—there was no reason to be nervous now. But the vibe was gone, and so was the conversation.

The Turning Point

After dinner, he suggested we head downtown. I thought, Why not? At least we won’t have to talk much.

On the way, he stopped at a gas station. That’s when he looked at me and asked:

“You’re not attracted to me, are you?”

I was stunned. Cornered in his car, caught off guard, and way too young to have a polished answer. I tried to deflect and told him we should just enjoy the night.

But he pressed me to answer.

So I did—honestly but gently. I told him I wasn’t physically attracted to him, but I had come on the date because of our amazing phone conversations. I hoped we could still have a good time.

Unfortunately, there was no conversation, no chemistry—just awkward energy and silence.

And Then It Got Worse

We ended up at a rooftop club downtown. On the way up, I dropped my license, and he offered to hold it for me. I let him.

I was determined to make the most of this disaster.

Then we started dancing.
And I could feel... things.

His manhood was aggressively pressed into my back.

Nope.

I turned to him and said I needed to use the restroom. He walked me to the door. I splashed cold water on my face and spent ten minutes breathing.

When I came out, I asked him to take me back to my car.

The Meltdown

As we walked to the garage, he turned to me and said:

“You are the most selfish, self-centered b**ch I’ve ever met in my life. I can’t believe I let myself care about you.”

I was speechless.

I responded:

“Are you joking? I tried to talk to you all night—and you couldn’t hold a conversation with someone you’ve been talking to for two weeks?”

He just kept going.
Insults. Name-calling. Anger.
I stayed silent the rest of the ride.

When we finally reached my car, I slammed his door.

Never looked back.
Never got my driver’s license back either. 🙃

Bad Date #3: The Bad Tipper

This one wasn’t a bad date... until the very end.

Back in college, I had a crush on this guy—I still don’t know why. He was a Mexican Texan who kind of looked like Fred Flintstone, and maybe it was some weird nostalgic tie to my childhood. Who knows. But for whatever reason, I was into it.

So I asked him if he’d take me to this popular sushi spot in Gainesville. (If you went to UF, you already know which one I mean.) I ordered sushi, he didn’t, which I didn’t judge. Not everyone has the taste for it.

The date itself? Pretty chill. We ate, chatted, laughed a little. He picked up the bill at the end, then said he had to run to the bathroom.

I headed toward the front of the restaurant to wait for him.
Then the waitress approached me.

She looked uncomfortable.
I asked, “Is something wrong?”

She replied,

“Did I do something bad?”

I said, “No, why?”

She said:

“Because I only got a $1 tip from you guys.”

My jaw didn’t drop physically, but inside?

🚨 EMERGENCY. SHUT DOWN. REBOOT.

I was mortified.

I didn’t have cash on me, but I offered to tip her using my debit card—even suggested she charge me for something random just so I could make it right. She kindly declined.

My date came strolling out of the bathroom, totally unaware, and we left.
I didn’t say a word.
But inside?
I was done.

No matter how much you look like Fred Flintstone, if you leave a $1 tip and embarrass me in front of a hardworking waitress...
You’re getting ghosted.

And just like that, it was the last date with Fred.

Bad Date #2: The Bicycle Incident—Why Club Chemistry Doesn't Always Translate

There’s a reason people say:

“Don’t expect a relationship from someone you meet at a club.”

A few years ago, I went out to a popular Latin club with my roommate. That’s where I met him. We were dancing, vibing, and after a few drinks and forgotten conversations, we exchanged numbers. The attraction was definitely there—physically, at least.

A few days later, I invited him over to hang out with me and my roommate. He said he lived about 20 minutes away. I figured it wouldn’t take long.

An hour passed.
Still no sign of him.

Then finally—a knock at the door.

He had arrived.
I asked, “How did you get here?”
He said, “I rode my bike.”

I laughed and said, “Where’d you park your motorcycle?”

He answered:

“No… like, my bicycle. It’s locked to the stairwell.”

I opened the door.
Sure enough—there it was, in all its two-wheeled glory.

Turns out, he had taken the bus most of the way, then used his bicycle for the last stretch. To be fair, he explained that he was recently divorced and his ex got the car in the settlement. I tried to brush it off and give him the benefit of the doubt.

But then we started talking. And by “we,” I mean he started talking.
Nonstop.
And every word came with a side of flying spit.

Gross.

Being the nice person I am, I endured the verbal sprinkler system and let him talk. Then he offered to take me out to eat. I hesitated—I really didn’t want him thinking this would turn into anything.

He suggested I put his bike in my trunk so we could drive to a nearby ale house.

In that moment, I made a calculated decision:

If I don’t do this now, I’ll probably have to see him again.

So, off we went.

The Icing on the Cringe Cake:

On the drive back, a car pulled up beside us at a red light. The people inside signaled for us to roll the window down. When I did, they started laughing. Coincidentally enough, the song No Scrubs by TLC came on the radio. I found it uncanny considering the situation I was in.

They were making fun of me.

“You’re really driving a grown man and his bicycle?”

Bless my roommate—she called with a perfectly timed fake emergency. I told him I had to rush home because my “sister” had shown up unexpectedly.

As I dropped him off, he looked at me and asked:

“I’m never going to see you again, am I?”

I smiled. Lied.

“I’ll give you a call.”

Spoiler alert:
He did not get a goodnight kiss.
He did not get a second date.
And that was the end of Bicycle Guy.

Bad Date #1: Chick-fil-A at the Mall—You Can’t Make This Up

Welcome to the world of bad dates—a series where I let you in on some of my personal favorites. Luckily, I’m pretty laid-back, so I survived these with minimal emotional damage. But each one taught me a little something.

Let’s start with this gem from a few years ago...

I had just ended things with my ex-fiancé about a month and a half earlier. I was still navigating the weird emotional space between heartbreak and hopeful new beginnings. Then I went to a friend’s Super Bowl party. She was hyping up her husband’s best friend like he was the ideal man—great job, great personality, great on paper. She even said, “He’s someone I’d actually approve of.”

A week later, he and I were texting and made plans to go out.

He suggested we meet at the upscale mall nearby—the one with all the good dining options. We met up and he asked the classic question:

“Where do you want to eat?”

Now, I’m a little old-school. I like when the guy takes the lead, especially on a first date. Plus, I’m mindful of price ranges and don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

So I smiled and said, “Wherever you’d like.”

He looked around thoughtfully and said:

“Let’s do Chick-fil-A.”

I froze. Internally.

Chick-fil-A? On a first date? In a mall with places like Cheesecake Factory, PF Chang’s, Brio, and California Pizza Kitchen?

Don’t get me wrong—I love a spicy deluxe sandwich as much as the next girl. But this was giving food court energy, not date night energy.

I didn’t say anything. I’m not cruel, and I wasn’t going to make a scene. I ordered whatever I wanted off the menu. But mentally, I made a note:

“This is our first—and last—date.”

Thank God there wasn’t a dollar menu. I have a feeling he would've pointed to it and said, “Order from this side.”