Knowing Me First

“To love others, you must first love yourself.”
— Leo Buscaglia

I love myself

Since the chain of events that shifted my life in my early twenties, I’ve made it my mission to mold myself into the woman I want to be. And to do that, I had to get real about my emotional patterns.
Why do I get angry when this happens?
Why do I cry when that happens?
These questions would circle through my mind for years. Maybe personal growth was the path I was meant to walk. All I knew was—I wanted to understand me.

My biggest struggle? Handling emotions. I absolutely despise confrontation. I’ve always communicated better through writing (thank you, AOL chat rooms). But in romantic relationships, that became a problem. I’d vent to a third person instead of confronting my boyfriend directly—and one time, it backfired big time. My roommate ended up dating him after we broke up. Awkward. Painful. Lesson learned.

Eventually, I realized: when you start making excuses for someone, it’s time to check in with your own happiness. You shouldn’t want to change your partner. You should be with someone who naturally brings out the best version of you—not someone who drags you down.

When I’m upset, I still shake. Sometimes I cry. (Yes, I know... I sound like a mess—lol.) But over the years, I’ve learned how to recognize those reactions instead of letting them rule me. I don’t bottle things up anymore. I’m learning to handle things when they come up, not when it’s too late.

I’m not perfect. No one is. But I work on myself every single day.
Some days are good.
Some are great.
And others? Just plain awful.
But that’s life.

We are in charge of what we accept, what we allow, and what we choose to move through. So if you’re feeling stuck—ask yourself: What got me here? And more importantly: What am I going to do next?

Because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can save you.

All at Once: When Old Lovers Come Crawling Back Around Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, and I’ve noticed something strange—when you’re finally happy, people from your past seem to come crawling out of the woodwork. I don’t know if it’s because they sense I’m in a relationship or if something about this time of year makes them nostalgic. Maybe they got hit with a Cupid arrow of regret. Who knows?

Let me be clear: I have zero intention of straying. I am utterly and completely in love. But over the last two days, I’ve received messages from the most random people—ghosts of relationships past, if you will.

Apparently, this is a thing. Like the universe decides to test you when you're finally in a good place. It's almost laughable. Am I supposed to fumble the bag for someone who once ghosted me? I’d need a bigger temptation—say, I don’t know… Vin Diesel?

Here’s the truth: I know these people from the past have nothing to offer me but confusion, frustration, and maybe a regret spiral or two. There’s a reason things didn’t work out. I’ve done the trial and error, lived through the drama, and journaled the heartbreak. I know better now.

So here’s a gentle reminder (to myself and maybe to you, too): Stick with what brings you peace. Old habits—and old flames—die hard. But they don’t deserve to burn down the good thing you’ve got going.

Positive thinking, intention, and a clear mind have brought me to this better version of myself. I’m not about to let someone else's indecision or nostalgia pull me back into a storm I’ve already survived.