Is it Rabbit Season? No, it's Cuffing Season

For the past few weeks, I've been dropping the phrase cuffing season on social media and in conversation. Most of you gave me a puzzled look—and that’s okay! It’s a fairly new term for something that’s been happening forever. I first heard it a few years ago, right around the time I got engaged to The Comedian. I used to think it only applied to engagements, but I was wrong. It’s deeper than that.

Cuffing season is what this cozy, chilly time of year does to people emotionally. Between November and February, studies show that men are 15% more likely to get into a relationship. That’s right—the cold has a way of heating up the dating scene.

🧣 What is Cuffing Season?

I’m still not sure why the word cuff stuck—personally, I vote for Cuddling Season. But alas, here we are. According to psychologist and matchmaking CEO Sameera Sullivan:

“Cuffing season is that period of time between fall and the dead of winter when people start looking for someone they can spend those long, frigid months with.”

Sounds about right. It’s less about lifelong romance and more about someone to share hot cocoa and Netflix with. And, let’s be real—also about avoiding awkward questions from your grandmother who still wants to know when you’re getting married. (Now that I'm married, she's asking when we’re having kids. I just sip my wine and walk away.)

Let’s face it—being alone during the holidays can be tough. Everyone else seems to have a plus-one for Christmas parties and a midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve. Wanting a temporary companion? Totally understandable.

🚩 Beware of Serial Cuffers

Before you go tossing out your granny panties, let’s talk red flags. Some men (and women) are serial cuffers—they grab a cozy companion for the season, then conveniently break up just before Valentine’s Day. Why? Well, February 14 implies commitment... and Spring Break is around the corner. Do the math.

Watch out for the types who say, “You’re different,” while keeping you at arm’s length. Ask about their dating history and patterns. Don’t be afraid to clarify your intentions early on.

On the bright side, cuffing season may also signal the slow death of hookup culture. There’s something refreshing about the return of actual time spent together, beyond Tinder swipes. Hot cocoa, fireplaces, fuzzy socks? Sign me up.

💡 How Do I Get Cuffed?

If you’re tired of casual dating, cuffing season is the perfect time to shift gears.

Start with your mindset. Picture yourself in a relationship. Act like you’re already in one (yes, even when no one’s around). Set the tone—and the universe has a funny way of catching on.

Next: know what you want. What are your non-negotiables? Print out my Dating Terms worksheet and narrow down the top 5 qualities you must have in a partner.

Once you’ve got that clarity, put yourself out there—on purpose. Join a dating site with serious candidates (I may be biased, but Match.com is my favorite—it’s how I met The Comedian). Or simply get out of the house and reconnect with real people in real places. Love isn’t always digital.

💌 Need Help Navigating Cuffing Season?

If you need a little nudge—or a full-on matchmaking fairy godmother—I’m here. Drop me a line. I’ll help you get clear, get cuffed (the good kind), and get what you’re really looking for.

The Dating Vocabulary Guide: Terms You Should Know Before Swiping Right

I was scrolling through Snapchat the other day and stumbled on an article about dating vocabulary—and my mind was blown. Apparently, being out of the dating game for a few years left me seriously out of the loop. No amount of late-night chats with my girlfriends prepared me for the new language of love.

If I didn’t know these terms, chances are you don’t either. So here’s a handy cheat sheet to help you navigate the dating world like a seasoned pro (or at least avoid getting benched).

💔 Benching

Benching is the dating world’s equivalent of being second string. It's when someone keeps you around for attention, texts you just enough to keep you interested—but has no intention of committing.

Sound familiar?
You haven’t heard from them in a while, and suddenly you get a “miss talking to you” text. You suggest coffee. They ghost your invite. You're not a priority—you’re on the bench.

📺 Example: In How I Met Your Mother (yes, I’m obsessed), there's an episode called Hooked where Ted is "on the hook" for a girl who never actually wants to date him. Classic benching.

🍞 Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone flirts and messages you just enough to keep you emotionally invested—but never actually follows through. They don’t want to meet. They don’t want to commit. They’re basically your digital tease.

This happened to me so many times when I was single, and I didn’t even know there was a term for it. Breadcrumbing often leads to...

🎭 Catfishing

If you’ve watched MTV’s Catfish, you already know: this is when someone pretends to be someone else online—using fake photos, bios, sometimes entire identities.

Catfishers typically avoid video calls, and their excuses are endless. If they refuse to FaceTime after a couple weeks of texting? Run.

🔍 Tip: If they’re real and truly interested, they’ll find a way to connect beyond a screen.

⛓️ Cuffing Season

Cuffing Season runs from November through February. Statistically, men are more likely to get into relationships during these colder, cozier months. Why? Holidays, nosy relatives, and the desire to Netflix and chill with someone who won’t judge your sock collection.

Warning: Cuffing Season often ends just before Valentine’s Day—also known as peak ghosting season.

👻 Ghosting

You’re chatting, flirting, maybe even dating. Then—poof—they’re gone. Unreachable. Unfollowed. Blocked. They’ve literally vanished without explanation.

Ghosting is one of the most cowardly ways to exit a relationship (or situationship), and sadly, it’s more common than we’d like to admit.

💬 Best advice: Don’t chase closure. If they could ghost you, they weren’t the one.

🧟‍♂️ Haunting

Even after you're happily married, they still lurk. Exes or flings who suddenly like your selfies or slide into your DMs out of nowhere? That’s haunting—and it’s real.

Some of my skeletons still poke me on Facebook (I still don’t understand poking) or DM me out of the blue. And sometimes, they want more. Um, no thanks—I’m good.

📘 Final Thoughts

Language evolves—and dating is no exception. As time goes on, new terms will pop up, but the underlying themes remain: emotional games, avoidance, and the desire for connection.

If you’re unsure whether you’re being ghosted, benched, or breadcrumbed, I’m here to help. Shoot me a note at val@valsbytes.com, and I’ll help decode your dating dilemma.

Before Finding Love, You Have to do the Work

Okay. I’m going to give you a stern talking to. Ready? Good.

Ever since I announced that I’m a certified matchmaker, I’ve had people come out of the woodwork asking for help. Amazing, right? But the minute I mention a simple 15-minute questionnaire, they look at me like I have six heads.

What I’ve come to realize is this: people want love handed to them without doing any actual work. And honestly? That’s insane.

Yes, sure, you can find love without a long questionnaire or without asking me for help. Go for it. But if you’re looking for something deep, lasting, and aligned, you’ve got to do the inner work first.

It’s Not Just About a Questionnaire

Before I got into a relationship with the Comedian, I had personal hurdles to overcome—abandonment issues, sexual assault trauma, and other baggage.
News flash: we all have baggage—especially if you're dating in your late 20s, 30s, or 40s. Previous relationships, kids, family issues, life-altering events... all of it leaves an emotional mark.

But here's the thing I always say:

“It’s not what you’ve been through; it’s how you handle it that makes you who you are.”

Those past wounds don’t belong in a relationship. So I went to counseling. I read The Secret and The Power of Now. I started viewing life with a different lens. I chose balance and growth.

Welcome to the Self-Awareness Era

We live in an age where personal growth tools are at our fingertips. If you’ve had a string of failed relationships, guess what? The common denominator is you. It’s time to stop blaming your exes and take ownership.

As Einstein (or your favorite meme) once said:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

So ask yourself:
– Do I constantly try to “fix” or “save” my partners?
– Am I attracted to emotionally unavailable people because that’s what love looked like growing up?

Unconscious attraction is real. I used to consistently date military guys. Why? My dad was in the Army. That’s the energy I was familiar with. CNN even reported it’s common to end up with someone who mirrors your parents.

Do the Work

Want love? Start with yourself.
– Take a personality test (try 16personalities.com)
– Discover your love language
– Read books like Attached or Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married
– Dive into your zodiac sign for fun insights

These aren’t just BuzzFeed quizzes—they’re tools that help you understand your emotional wiring. When you know and love yourself, you're better equipped to be the kind of partner who attracts a healthy relationship.

Why eHarmony Asks So Many Questions

If you're serious about finding love, questionnaires aren’t the enemy—they’re your blueprint.

I once filled out the full eHarmony survey. Yes, it was long. Yes, it asked what I wanted in a partner. But that’s the point. You don’t want to waste time dating someone whose core values don’t align with yours—whether it’s about kids, religion, or deal-breakers like smoking.

As a matchmaker, I use intuition and information. Both are crucial. Without self-awareness and honesty, it’s impossible to build something that will last decades.

Final Thought

I genuinely want to see people fall in love. It lights me up to be part of that journey. But love that lasts requires more than chemistry—it requires clarity.

Do the work. Heal. Learn. Grow.
And when you’re ready, real love will meet you there.

📝 Interested in getting started?
Download my Dating Terms Worksheet to learn more about your perfect partner

Why Traveling Was Good For Our Relationship

I have traveled before I met my partner Gareth (as I like to call BG, Before Gareth.) I had gone to various random places in the states with my family. The usual California, New York, Zion and I saw my best friend get married in Australia.  I would say that I hardly traveled. Five states and once out of the country in my 20 something years that is barely seeing the world.  Since I have had the pleasure to be with my fun, adventurous partner, we have NEVER gone a couple of months without a holiday or change in location. He is my adventure, and it has made us better for it. Here’s why…

1. Got us out of our comfort zone

When you’re in a new city, you have to try new things. New food, new gym, new everything. That can be scary for someone that is used to being in a bubble. I have grown so much since I have met this man that I feel like I am a different person. I owe that to him and the adventure we have had traveling the world. Let me just put this into perspective I used to be scared to go anywhere by myself, I’d have mad anxiety, and now I can travel by myself to a different country. One of my favorites quote is

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”

Not sure who wrote it but traveling has gotten us out of our comfort zone.  It made us turn to each other when you have a life like a gypsie. You can’t go to your parent's or friend's house. Yes, we have phones and can call anyone at any time, but it’s different. We have just had us, and it’s forced us to communicate with each other even when we would rather not.

2. Taught us how to go with the flow

Things are stressful when there is no place to hang your hat. You can plan, and life laughs, life has taught us to plan and then go with the flow. We have moved to a different state within a week; we plan vacations a day in advance. We are last minute people that fly by the seat of our pants, and when things get stressful, we get mad and then laugh because that’s life and this life is us. We also had an inside joke for the longest time of blaming it on Florida. Life goes by too quick to not laugh about that crappy thing that happened.

3.  Made us appreciate US.

You meet a lot of people while you travel and you see a lot of your friends through a social media lens. Nothing is perfect, and we aren’t either, but I can honestly say the more people I meet, the more I know I was meant to be with this Irish stud. I have been on holidays and vacations with other boyfriends, and I was never fulfilled or always bored. I can look at this man for hours and still have more to talk about, and the great thing is I know he would say the same. We once missed the lights of Paris because we were too busy talking in the hotel room. I wouldn’t change a thing. The more people I meet, the cities I go and the more time passes, the more I love this man.

4.  We got to know each other on a different level quickly.

We went on our first holiday on our 4th date, and we got lost and walked FOREVER in Vegas. I had a blast. But because we have traveled a lot our first two years of dating, we were together 24/7.  I had been in relationships before that a week on holiday them was way too much time. So it refreshing to be with someone I can’t get enough of and it almost been two years we have been together! You can’t hide your true self when you’re with someone so much. I know that I will spend the rest of my life getting know the man beside me, but I’m thankful for the time we have had traveling. It has allowed us to quickly get to know each other to know that we wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

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The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below with how traveling has been good for you! Let me know your favorite Holiday, so I can put it on my Wish List of places to visit.

Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

When we talk about breakups, we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are. I was in a relationship for almost nine years, and when that ended, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. So, if you’re reading this and you are pre-breakup, mid-breakup, or even post and trying to move on, start with changing your thoughts about break up. It is positive, it’s change, it’s a new beginning, and most importantly, it’s a new you. Getting your heart broken is the way to start over and make a life you will never need a vacation from and will never need to break up with. It’s so easy to say this, so I have made a list of things that helped me move on and get to that positive place. Here they are…

Cry, scream, and be all the emotions

What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.

You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”

That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.

Make a list of all the things that annoyed you

Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life

Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is

“You are YOU and that is your power.”

Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.

Change your self-talk

A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will.  It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.

Start working out

Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving.  There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

Try new things and meet new people

Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

Go on vacation

traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.

Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts

I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

Re-establish friendships with friends and family.

Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

Create goals

Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

And finally, upgrade on that relationship

This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

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How to Get Closer to Your Significant Other

“The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved,” wrote Victor Hugo—and few truths feel as universally powerful. In today’s fast-paced world, the rarity of genuine love only makes it more sacred. But once you’ve found your person, the real work begins: building a deep, lasting connection.

Closeness doesn’t come from proximity—it comes from intentionality. The happiest couples don’t just fall in love; they choose to keep loving by nurturing the bond every day.

1. Talk About Your Dreams

If you want to get closer to your partner, ask them what they dream about—and truly listen.

I remember the moment my partner shared a long-held dream they had never told anyone else. It stopped me in my tracks. I had known them for so long, yet never considered that piece of their soul. That conversation changed the way I looked at them.

When you understand what your partner hopes for, fears, and envisions for the future, your relationship transforms from ordinary to extraordinary. Their dream becomes your dream. Supporting each other’s aspirations builds trust, respect, and a deeper emotional bond.

2. Travel Together

There’s something magical about exploring the world with your partner. Whether it’s a sunset on a quiet beach or wandering cobblestone streets, travel invites you into new rhythms and experiences—together.

Couples who travel often create stronger psychological bonds. You learn how your partner handles stress, joy, change, and excitement. Even the little hiccups (missed flights, wrong turns, lost luggage) become stories you’ll laugh about for years. Shared adventures remind you that you’re a team, no matter the terrain.

3. Try New Things Together

Want to grow together? Get out of your routine and try something new.

Too often, couples fall into autopilot—same shows, same restaurants, same daily grind. Break the cycle. Take a dance class. Go kayaking. Start a garden.

My partner and I once thought our backyard looked too dull, so we redesigned it together. What started as a simple project became one of the most connective experiences of our relationship. We collaborated, made decisions, compromised, and built something beautiful—literally and metaphorically. Now, every time I look at that garden, I’m reminded of what we created together.

Final Thought

The path to deep intimacy isn’t always grand—it’s built in small moments: a shared laugh, an honest conversation, a trip that went wrong but felt right, a project you tackled side by side.

Ask yourself: What can I do today to feel closer to my partner?
Then do it.
The answer is the heartbeat of true connection.

Traveling to Paris with Your Partner?

The comedian and I are about to embark on our first trip across the pond together.  I asked one of my favorite contributors to share her story with her significant other. ______________________________________________________________________

My partner changed my world when I started dating him.  We traveled so much together and he has definitely got me out of my bubble.  Our trips are epic and Paris was one of the most memorable.

Here is what you need to know when traveling to the most romantic city on earth with your partner!

BE PREPARED TO WALK.

Yes, you can take the cab or the train but be prepared to walk and walk some more.  We made the mistake of walking to a rugby game while we were in Ireland the night before we went to Paris.

BIG MISTAKE!

My feet were in so much pain from the night before and our first day in Paris was miserable.  There's a trek to everything you want to see.  I guess we should have taken a day off to recover from walking.

BE PREPARED FOR SMALL PORTIONS HIGH PRICE

We had the most amazing curry from a hole in the wall away from the main streets of Paris.  It was the smallest portion I've ever received so be aware you will be hungry and ready for more unless you're willing to pay the price for seconds.

When you leave your hotel, make sure to have some snacks in your pocket.  Especially if your partner is known to get hangry!

MAKE A REALISTIC PLAN

We spent two days in Paris.  This was simply not enough time.  We did get to see the Eiffel Tower and we ventured over to see the Mona Lisa but I wanted more.

My partner and I missed the Love Bridge, many of the museums, and cathedrals.  I know you can't see everything in a week but two days is not enough.

EVERYONE TOLD US THAT IT’S OVERRATED.

I loved Paris!  I have amazing pics that will last a lifetime.  Even though I was crippled and angry the first night, it was one of my favorite trips with my man.  I cherish all my memories of traveling with Gareth.  He is my adventure and I would recommend Paris to every couple.

ROMANCE IS IN THE LITTLE THINGS

We were also told Paris isn't as romantic as you think.  Romance is self-created.  I really do believe that ambiance matters.  If you don't allow the sexiness of the Eiffel Tower help make your night special with your partner then I have no hope for you.

We had the best ice cream by the carousel across from the Eiffel Tower.  To me, that is romance at its finest.

I'm sure if we made time to see the Eiffel Tower lit up at night, there would be some sexy time.

Just so you're aware, don't get caught up in the romance at the hotel because the lights turn off at 2 AM.

I know I have to go back to Paris just to see the lights!  (This is my excuse to venture back)

HERE ARE MY FAVORITE PICS FROM MY TRIP.

   

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5 Signs You're in a Bad Relationship

Are you dating a narcissist? Master Manipulator? Emotional Terrorist? Here are some signs that you are in a bad relationship. I was told these signs a million times by people over the past years, and I pushed them back saying “he isn’t abusive things aren’t that bad, he doesn’t hit me.” If you find that you are doing this and minimizing the abuse maybe you need to take a step back and honestly evaluate your relationship. So here is a list of 4 things to watch out for and can show you that maybe it’s time to move on from this relationship.

1.  He Controls everything.

And it starts with your activities together it’s with his friends, his hobbies, and it’s all in his time; the activities you want to do never seem to work out. He isolates you from your family; you don’t see them as often as you did. Soon you start making up excuses to the people you love on why you never see them and why he never comes to you. He sabotages your friendships making you think that you choose to get rid of your friends.  Then control goes on steroids, and you start working from home, you no longer have a car, and when you leave the house, he is texting and calling wondering who you are with and how long you will be.  Soon he controls the money, and you no longer have your own, even though you work for it. Now don’t get me started with the sex because that’s going to be controlled too. It will be his choice on his time and his way. You will be left unsatisfied and unfulfilled with life and the relationship and when you complain he will make you feel like everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Like I said before he is in control of everything, so he is going to control the blame.  This is manipulation at its finest, and it will make you think you are crazy. Take a second and stay grounded; it takes two to tango so don’t think the bad relationship is all your fault.

2.  History of past Abuse.

How does your partner talk about his ex’s? Does he refer to them as crazy? When he talks about who he dated, did it end badly with each one?  You better think twice about being with someone that talks that way. There is a common denominator, and I don’t think it’s that he only finds crazy women to date. A strong, grounded, mature person doesn’t have to label someone as something to protect their ego. A man that has integrity can date remain friendly after it’s over. Listen to the ghosts of his past, they are telling you exactly who he is, and someone like this doesn’t find crazies he creates crazies.

3.  The giving and taking are not the same.

In a bad relationship, there will always be one person that is the taker and the other the giver. That’s how you have been able to stay with him so long but also the reason that you’re feeling drained. You’re giving everything and doing everything, and he will give you enough to keep you around.

4.  The game of emotional abuse: belittling and stonewalling.

Does he tell you things that are physically wrong with your body? Does he always fail to celebrate your successes? Does he stand up for you with friends or family? Does he call you his doormat? Then when you get upset (because these are all hurtful things), he then ignores you till you apologize for getting angry? This is all in the plan because if you think you aren’t enough for him, you get so low that you get to thinking you can’t live without him. You will bend over backward doing anything he wants to keep him around. No one deserves to be a doormat, close that door immediately and open another that will lift up the doormat, dust it off and treat you like the amazing woman you are.

5.  Cycle of abuse

Another reason you stay because when it is good, it’s SO GOOD. I remember crying after my ex, and I bought a house together, and we saged it and talked about all the positive things that were going to happen in the house. Well for once we did an activity I wanted to do.  And it was fun, happy, and he was all in and paying 100% attention to me. The high of things going well never lasts. Eventually, the honeymoon stage is over, and the cycle begins again. He will belittle, Stonewall or flat out choose anything or anyone over you; you then get upset and then you’re called crazy. Meanwhile, you think it’s your fault and stay because you  THINK you can learn not to be crazy. But in reality, you aren’t crazy, and anyone that gets belittled, stonewalled and flat out chosen last would be upset. You are Normal; You will find a reasonable person to love, and you will be fulfilled and completely healthy.

So if you can relate to this list and you think your relationship is very similar, Please Go! You’re beautiful, smart, strong, and even though you have been conditioned to think otherwise and even though it will be the hardest thing you have ever done; do it. He will never change, and you will stay unfulfilled and drained. You can have a best friend as a partner, someone that’s excited to see you. I remained in an abusive relationship for almost ten years, in the end after I changed my bad habits and worked on myself and came to find it still was not working because he didn’t want it too. I tried to leave three times before I did. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Now that it’s all over and I’ve been with an amazing man I have the relationship that mirrors my parents. I am so glad I did it. It took a long time to get here, and I’m so proud to be where I am and be who I am. We are both in love with each other and will do anything to make sure each other are happy. I didn’t think this existed, and I didn’t think a relationship could be natural, and it is.

Thanks for coming to the party today, I’m sorry it feels like such a downer, but it does end well. This story has ended happily ever after for me, and I hope this post helps change someone’s nightmare into a fairytale. Life is too short, and we only regret the things we never did. You won’t regret living a more fulfilled life and leaving the draining relationship. Let me know if you liked the post or it helped you in some way by commenting and sharing.

XOXO

5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

Murphy’s Law teaches us one thing: if something can go wrong, it will. That’s why couples should talk through the tough topics before they become issues. Marriage is like building a fortress—its strength depends on how well you lay the foundation. A little prevention can go a long way in sparing you from sleepless nights, big fights, and avoidable heartache. Here are five conversations you should definitely have before you walk down the aisle.

1. Finances and Money Management

Love may be blind, but it still needs a budget.

Falling in love is beautiful and, let’s be honest, often irrational. No one starts planning a life together thinking about joint bank accounts or investment strategies—but you should. Financial conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential.

Discuss things like:

• Who pays for what?

• Do you save or spend?

• How will you handle debt or big purchases?

Long-term financial planning builds trust and clarity. And the fewer financial surprises, the more you’ll enjoy your life together.

2. Sex Life Expectations

Let’s talk about sex—really talk about it.

Sure, in the honeymoon phase, everything feels spicy and effortless. But over time, sex lives change. If you never discuss expectations around intimacy—how often, preferences, boundaries—you risk miscommunication and emotional distance.

Sexual connection can fluctuate, and that’s okay. What matters is having the openness to talk about it before you start feeling rejected or confused.

3. Spirituality and Belief Systems

Faith—or lack of it—can create conflict if you don’t plan ahead.

Maybe one of you is spiritual and the other is not. That might work perfectly fine until decisions about holidays, rituals, or raising children come up. If you don’t align, or at least respect each other’s values and find common ground, resentment can build.

Be honest: What values are non-negotiable? What are you willing to compromise on? When it comes to parenting, can you both respect duality, or is that a dealbreaker?

4. Career Goals and Timing for Kids

You can’t fast-track biology, but you can align on timing.

Marriage in today’s world often means two people chasing big goals. But if one of you wants to travel the world or go to grad school, while the other wants to start a family ASAP—you’re on two different timelines.

Have real conversations about:

• Career priorities

• Timeline for children (or not)

• Flexibility and compromise

Being honest about goals helps prevent resentment—and keeps you moving forward as a team.

5. In-Laws and Outside Influence

Your marriage should be built for two—not a crowd.

Unfortunately, some people don’t leave their parents emotionally. It’s important to discuss how much influence in-laws, friends, or others should have in your marriage.

Healthy boundaries early on will save you major stress later. Your decisions, your rules. Just make sure you’re both on the same page before the opinions start rolling in.

Final Thought

There are plenty of topics worth discussing before marriage—but these five are a solid place to start. Talk early, talk often, and talk honestly. Your future self will thank you.

10 Ways You Know You're in a Good Relationship

As you all know I am a relationship know-it-all, I can look at any couple and tell you how long they will last. If you believe this statement, then you are a fool. I am no expert, but I have had my heart broken and stepped on like the doormat. But I learn from my mistakes I can tell some definite signs that you are in a good relationship and since I'm in one, I can live to tell the tell. Here they are...

1. You are physically and mentally healthier.

   I have always struggled with my weight and my analytical mind. I have come to find that this amazing, handsome specimen calms my fears and pumps me up. I am in the best shape of my life and have a healthier, mind, body and soul.

2. No more "I can't" or "I won't."

   It hit me one day that I have to get to know myself again; I am no longer living in a bubble scared to go outside. I am in a relationship that has expanded my horizons.  In the past, I thought I was too dumb to do some of  the things that I am doing now. It's an amazing feeling to have someone that runs with you instead of holding you back. When you're with someone that speaks positively about you and to you, it helps change yourself talk to be more positive. The world unlocks itself when you take I can't, or I won't get out of your vocabulary.

3. Your goals are getting achieved.

   Firstly my goals are a lot higher or harder to reach, and I achieve them. I am with someone that is a go-getter, and he helps me with my goals, and we even have goals as a couple. We have a life that we are working towards achieving and it’s a great feeling to have someone that is growing with you.

4. Life is easier.

   I use to get so frustrated with things not working out, I've come to find that my man makes me laugh at these moments. He sees me for the imperfect person I am, and I don't feel stupid or ashamed; I feel heard and understood. Life gets a lot easier when you're laughing through the mistakes and failures as well as the good times.

5. The giving and the taking feels natural and equal.

   There might be days where I don't do as much around the house, and my man does the dishes and wipes the counters. We are are not counting who did what, we are picking up where the other left off; we are a team.

6. Less fighting more laughing.

   We hardly fight, I think we can we have fought once. I'm not saying that your relationship isn't good because you fight. We have been through some pretty stressful situations, and somehow we don't fight, it's just us. When one of us is upset or says something or does something snappy we call each other out on it and the person apologizing, and we move forward. It's not about the lack of fighting but about how you move forward when you do.

7. Honesty is the best policy.

   We always tell each other the truth, the brutal truth which sometimes means like I said in number 6 that you get called out. It might sting a little, but I would rather have a partner that helps me grow and be better than someone that keeps me stagnant just to save my feelings.

8. No secrets.

   You keep one secret from your partner and the secrets turn into the book of secrets, and soon it's what's keeping you from being honest with your partner. We made a rule always to tell the truth and say it as nicely as you can. Some things should only be between you and your partner and when you have that be sacred your relationship will follow. I will not let anyone or anything come in the way of my partner and me; he is the most important being. His secrets are my secrets, and that's what has brought us closer together.

9. Hours of talking and the honeymoon stage has ended.

   My man and I miss some important moments in our lives because we are too busy talking. We missed the Eiffel Tower lit up at night because we were chatty Kathy's in the hotel room. We are always late to meet friends because caught up in some conversation. We have been dating two years soon, and we still talk like we have just met. We talk about everything under the sun, and it's weird because we are with each other 24/7 together.  It also makes talking about hard things easier; we talk to understand not to respond.

10. Never stop choosing your partner first.

    I think this is the most important thing; your relationship will never work out if you don't put your partner first. I have had to tell myself "This person is my family and no one else matters." you start choosing your hobby or friends over the person and you might as well just wave your relationship goodbye. I'm not saying you can't see your friends, but everything comes in balance.

I hope your relationship is as good as mine and I'd love to keep adding to this list so comment below on what you think makes a good relationship.

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XOXO