The Dating Vocabulary Guide: Terms You Should Know Before Swiping Right

I was scrolling through Snapchat the other day and stumbled on an article about dating vocabulary—and my mind was blown. Apparently, being out of the dating game for a few years left me seriously out of the loop. No amount of late-night chats with my girlfriends prepared me for the new language of love.

If I didn’t know these terms, chances are you don’t either. So here’s a handy cheat sheet to help you navigate the dating world like a seasoned pro (or at least avoid getting benched).

💔 Benching

Benching is the dating world’s equivalent of being second string. It's when someone keeps you around for attention, texts you just enough to keep you interested—but has no intention of committing.

Sound familiar?
You haven’t heard from them in a while, and suddenly you get a “miss talking to you” text. You suggest coffee. They ghost your invite. You're not a priority—you’re on the bench.

📺 Example: In How I Met Your Mother (yes, I’m obsessed), there's an episode called Hooked where Ted is "on the hook" for a girl who never actually wants to date him. Classic benching.

🍞 Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone flirts and messages you just enough to keep you emotionally invested—but never actually follows through. They don’t want to meet. They don’t want to commit. They’re basically your digital tease.

This happened to me so many times when I was single, and I didn’t even know there was a term for it. Breadcrumbing often leads to...

🎭 Catfishing

If you’ve watched MTV’s Catfish, you already know: this is when someone pretends to be someone else online—using fake photos, bios, sometimes entire identities.

Catfishers typically avoid video calls, and their excuses are endless. If they refuse to FaceTime after a couple weeks of texting? Run.

🔍 Tip: If they’re real and truly interested, they’ll find a way to connect beyond a screen.

⛓️ Cuffing Season

Cuffing Season runs from November through February. Statistically, men are more likely to get into relationships during these colder, cozier months. Why? Holidays, nosy relatives, and the desire to Netflix and chill with someone who won’t judge your sock collection.

Warning: Cuffing Season often ends just before Valentine’s Day—also known as peak ghosting season.

👻 Ghosting

You’re chatting, flirting, maybe even dating. Then—poof—they’re gone. Unreachable. Unfollowed. Blocked. They’ve literally vanished without explanation.

Ghosting is one of the most cowardly ways to exit a relationship (or situationship), and sadly, it’s more common than we’d like to admit.

💬 Best advice: Don’t chase closure. If they could ghost you, they weren’t the one.

🧟‍♂️ Haunting

Even after you're happily married, they still lurk. Exes or flings who suddenly like your selfies or slide into your DMs out of nowhere? That’s haunting—and it’s real.

Some of my skeletons still poke me on Facebook (I still don’t understand poking) or DM me out of the blue. And sometimes, they want more. Um, no thanks—I’m good.

📘 Final Thoughts

Language evolves—and dating is no exception. As time goes on, new terms will pop up, but the underlying themes remain: emotional games, avoidance, and the desire for connection.

If you’re unsure whether you’re being ghosted, benched, or breadcrumbed, I’m here to help. Shoot me a note at val@valsbytes.com, and I’ll help decode your dating dilemma.

5 Steps on Flirting at the Bar

I love these wedding pictures of the Comedian and me from New York. Between the wild props in the photo booths and goodies flying on the dance floor, it was a night to remember. But I digress—we’re here for flirting tips. Specifically, for the ladies. 👠💋

Let’s be real: bars aren’t exactly known for producing lasting love stories, but hey—you never know. Why pass up an opportunity when it presents itself? Society says men should make the first move, but if someone catches your eye, why not make yourself available to be pursued?

Here’s your five-step game plan:

1. Take the First Glance (Then Look Away)

Most men are terrified to approach a woman—especially when she’s with her squad. If someone catches your eye and gets your interest, flash a quick smile, then turn back to your friends like it’s no big deal.

The trick is in the second glance. If you catch him looking again, look back, give a little eyelash flutter, and smile once more. You’ve just opened the door.

2. Divide and Conquer

Now it’s time to separate from the group. Let your friends know you’re making yourself available in case anything goes sideways (safety first). Standing alone makes it easier for him to approach without feeling like he’s entering the lion’s den.

Fun fact: a group of women can be intimidating as hell.

Legs by pennuja

3. OMG, He’s Walking Over!

When he makes his move, keep it cool. Greet him with a casual, “Hi, how are you?” and resist the urge to overshare. Save the life story for later. If he’s genuinely interested, he’ll take the lead and ask questions to keep the convo flowing.

4. Let the Drinks Roll In—But Set Limits

If things are going well, he may offer to buy you a drink. Accept it (gracefully) but always keep an eye on your glass. Limit yourself to 2–3 drinks, depending on your tolerance. Drunk flirting is dangerous territory—you don’t want to overshare that time you got in trouble for a hit-and-run. (Yikes.)

As my friend Los wisely says:

“Only release a little crazy at a time.”

5. To Date or Not to Date?

Now, here’s the moment of truth. If he drops a sexual innuendo early on, that’s your cue to exit. “It was nice meeting you,” and head back to your girls. You’re at a bar, yes—but you’re still in control.

If he keeps it respectful and the vibe is right, exchange numbers. Then? Sashay back to your friends and debrief like the queen you are. 👑

And remember—flirting is fun, but friendship is the reason you went out in the first place. So enjoy your people, spill the tea, and let the night play out.

Mr. Right vs Mr. Right Now

What’s the real difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now?

Over the years, I’ve met plenty of Mr. Right Nows—men who are perfect for the moment, but not necessarily for the long haul. They’re fun, charming, and they often say all the right things. Sometimes, they even feel like they could be “the one.” But when I dig deeper, I realize I’m making small sacrifices in what I truly want in a partner, just to avoid being alone.

Mr. Right Now is like a life experience—a stepping stone on the way to Mr. Right. And let’s be honest, for many of us, life feels like it’s full of Mr. Right Nows.

There are even levels of Mr. Right Now:

• The guy you hang on to just so you don’t have to go to a movie alone.

• The one you attempt a short-term relationship with, knowing deep down it won’t last because he’s simply not Mr. Right.

While the romantic in me is still holding out hope for Mr. Right, I can admit that Mr. Right Now can be... fun. He keeps life interesting, even if he’s not the endgame.