To Be Puerto Rican...

Growing up, I struggled with my self-image.

I was born in Germany to Puerto Rican parents—my dad, a U.S. Army soldier, was stationed there at the time. Life on military bases was filled with cultural fusion, but the Puerto Rican community stood out in its own special way. During the holidays, we had parrandas, traditional Puerto Rican caroling, complete with guitars, güiros, and tambours. My dad would sing and play guitar while the community gathered to celebrate and speak Spanish. That was my early childhood—a mix of languages, music, and a beautiful cultural blend. No one treated me differently because of how I looked. Being a military brat meant being immersed in diversity.

Then we moved to Florida.

Orlando has a huge Puerto Rican population—many with roots from the island, New York, or Chicago. But I wasn’t from any of those places. I didn’t sound like them, and I didn’t quite fit in. To some Puerto Ricans, I was “too White.” To others outside the culture, I was “too Brown.” It didn’t make sense. I felt like I was always stuck between two worlds—never quite enough for either.

It wasn’t until college that everything changed.

I decided to stop letting others define my identity. I leaned into my culture and gave myself permission to rediscover who I was. Sure, I liked reggaeton, but I wanted more than that. I wanted to know my history, speak better Spanish, and connect with my family on a deeper level. I wanted to dance salsa, merengue, and cha cha—not just for fun, but for connection.

So I got involved.

I became President of the Puerto Rican organization on campus, and in planning events, I learned more about Puerto Rico than I ever had before. I discovered the beauty of bomba y plena, the Afro-Caribbean rhythms rooted in Puerto Rico’s history. I studied the Grito de Lares, our fight for independence. I even found joy in the small things—like visiting Lares for the wildest ice cream flavors (corn, rice and beans—yes, really!).

Most importantly, I made it a goal to visit my family in Puerto Rico at least every two years. Those trips grounded me. They reminded me that culture is lived, not just inherited.

Here’s the truth:
No one gets to define who you are but you.
I’m Puerto Rican—not because of how I look, speak, or where I was raised—but because it’s in my blood, my heart, and my history. I embrace it through music, land, language, and love.

All cultures are beautiful.
But this one—my culture—is mine. And no one can take that away from me.

6 Points of Love in the Beginning

dinner-date

I’ve been doing some reading today and it sparked a few thoughts about love and relationships. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, but through it all, I’ve realized how precious life—and love—really is. Below are six lessons I’ve picked up along the way, both before and during my current relationship. Themes I’ve revisited in past blogs, but somehow they still feel just as fresh.

1. Love Comes When You Least Expect It

This one is so real. Every relationship I’ve had showed up when I wasn’t even looking. And when I did try to chase it down, it usually ended in me questioning my own worth. The love I’m in now? Completely unexpected—and completely right. It’s funny how sometimes you leave an imprint on someone’s heart and they circle back when they realize how special that was.

2. Be Patient

I’ve wrestled with abandonment issues for a long time. The anxiety of waiting on a reply or wondering where someone is used to eat me up. Like many women, I overanalyzed and panicked—even when the guy was just taking a nap. With time, I learned to sit with those feelings, understand them, and not let them take over. Insecurity is loud. But confidence in your own growth? That’s peace.

3. Stay Busy

I can’t say this enough—don’t lose yourself in someone else. Keep your life full. Nurture your friendships. Pick up a hobby (writing’s been mine). In the early days of a relationship, it's so easy to fall into "let’s spend every second together" mode. But if you keep doing you, it makes integrating your partner into your life that much smoother—and healthier.

4. Men Are Simple

Seriously. When they like you, they’ll show it. When they don’t, they act weird and confusing. Trust and honesty are non-negotiables. If you can’t trust him, what’s the point? And yes, a woman’s intuition is everything. Don’t confuse insecurity with instinct—there’s a difference. One is rooted in fear, the other in truth.

5. Don’t Try to Change Him

Let me repeat that: you cannot change him. If you find yourself making excuses or constantly explaining away bad behavior, that’s your sign. I’ve seen it play out too many times with friends (and in my own life). You want someone who helps you grow, not someone who keeps you stuck. You can’t fix broken—especially if it’s not your job to fix it in the first place.

6. Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend

You should be able to be your weird, wonderful self around them. The Comedian makes me laugh even in the hardest moments, and he’s also there when I need to fall apart a little. We don’t share everything (I mean, he doesn’t need the play-by-play of my favorite reality show), but he’s my safe space—and that means everything.

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. But here’s what I know for sure: you’re the only one responsible for your happiness. If you’re not happy with yourself, no one else can fill that gap. So love yourself first—and let the rest follow.

Knowing Me First

“To love others, you must first love yourself.”
— Leo Buscaglia

I love myself

Since the chain of events that shifted my life in my early twenties, I’ve made it my mission to mold myself into the woman I want to be. And to do that, I had to get real about my emotional patterns.
Why do I get angry when this happens?
Why do I cry when that happens?
These questions would circle through my mind for years. Maybe personal growth was the path I was meant to walk. All I knew was—I wanted to understand me.

My biggest struggle? Handling emotions. I absolutely despise confrontation. I’ve always communicated better through writing (thank you, AOL chat rooms). But in romantic relationships, that became a problem. I’d vent to a third person instead of confronting my boyfriend directly—and one time, it backfired big time. My roommate ended up dating him after we broke up. Awkward. Painful. Lesson learned.

Eventually, I realized: when you start making excuses for someone, it’s time to check in with your own happiness. You shouldn’t want to change your partner. You should be with someone who naturally brings out the best version of you—not someone who drags you down.

When I’m upset, I still shake. Sometimes I cry. (Yes, I know... I sound like a mess—lol.) But over the years, I’ve learned how to recognize those reactions instead of letting them rule me. I don’t bottle things up anymore. I’m learning to handle things when they come up, not when it’s too late.

I’m not perfect. No one is. But I work on myself every single day.
Some days are good.
Some are great.
And others? Just plain awful.
But that’s life.

We are in charge of what we accept, what we allow, and what we choose to move through. So if you’re feeling stuck—ask yourself: What got me here? And more importantly: What am I going to do next?

Because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can save you.

My Own Happiness

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m a quote lover. It’s not unusual for me to throw one into a conversation, especially when the topic turns to inner peace or finding happiness. This quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson really resonates with me because years ago, I decided who I wanted to be.

At a recent book club meeting, we got into a passionate discussion about happiness—sparked by our selection, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. We talked about how easy it is to fall into a rut after going through trauma or loss. And somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I found myself saying something I truly believe:

“It’s not what you’ve been through that makes you who you are—it’s how you handle it.”

I stand by that. I’m a firm believer that only you can change yourself. If you want things to be different in your life, it starts with your mindset. That’s the power of positive thinking. Our brains are incredible—they can flip our mood with a single thought.

As humans, it’s tempting to blame our jobs, our partners, or our circumstances for our unhappiness. But the truth is, our well-being starts and ends with us. Entrepreneurs succeed because they already believe in the vision they’re chasing. People who feel blessed often surround themselves with love, practice gratitude, and create a life filled with intention.

I know it might sound too simple, but I challenge you to try it: the next time a negative thought sneaks into your mind, brush it away. Replace it with something positive. Just for a day. You might be surprised at how quickly your mindset shifts—and how much lighter you feel.

Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear what you discover.

Anxiously Waiting

This past weekend, I was presented with a new thought.

Growing up, I was taught to be on time. Actually—worse—I was taught to be five minutes early, because being “on time” was considered late. You can thank my military upbringing for that one. I’ve always made it a point to let people know when I’m on my way, if I’m running late, or if I can’t make it at all. Something in my conscience said it was the right thing to do.

But after a recent conversation, I started to dig a little deeper. Why did I feel the need to over-communicate every detail of my ETA? Why did I feel anxious if someone else didn’t do the same? I always thought it was simple courtesy, but maybe it was more than that.

Reading The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman gave me some insight. We often express love—or courtesy—the way we want to receive it. So for me, punctuality and communication were ways I showed respect and care, and I expected that same energy in return.

Over time, I’ve learned you can’t expect people to be just like you. Trust me, this lesson didn’t come easy. (I’m a recovering grammar stickler who used to love correcting people.) But I’ve come to realize that unsolicited help isn’t always welcome. People appreciate your support when they ask for it—not when it's pushed on them. And that applies to punctuality, too.

Recently, I found myself feeling tense when someone wasn’t on time. I got that familiar nervous flutter. But why? After sitting with the feeling, an old friend reappeared: abandonment. Yep. That deep-rooted fear of being left alone showed up again, just wearing a different outfit.

I've come a long way in healing from those issues, but every now and then, a trigger sneaks in—reminding me that healing isn’t always linear.

This reflection reminded me of something important: I am not my past. I am not my fear. I am here, in this moment. The present is what matters most. So I’ll keep learning, keep growing, and keep catching myself when the old demons try to whisper something untrue.

Because I am not who I was. I am who I choose to be—right now.

The Waiting Room

As my life continues, I find that I often end up in the most interesting predicaments.

Now, the reason I was in the waiting room—an injury I got at work—isn’t really the point. What is the point is the unexpected people-watching adventure I found myself in during the three-hour wait to see the doctor?

I had just settled into my chair when I realized I was surrounded by a group of UPS drivers and employees. As I scrolled through my phone, something caught my attention. A FedEx employee came in and sat right next to one of the UPS guys. I immediately perked up. Both were attractive in their own way, and I couldn’t help but wonder… Was I about to witness a rom-com moment in real life?

What a great story it would be: The UPS guy and the FedEx gal fall in love. The irony! The cuteness!

Naturally, I eavesdropped a little. (Don’t judge me—I had time to kill.) Apparently, UPS employees don’t pay for their uniforms. That’s about all I got from their exchange, but the body language said enough. The UPS guy was definitely into her. Their conversation fizzled out eventually, and they both left after about an hour—but for a brief moment, I felt like I was witnessing the first scene of something beautiful.

All in all, I might’ve been present for the beginning of a great love story. And honestly, that made the three-hour doctor visit totally worth it.

Kill 'em with Kindness

What an interesting morning!

On my way to work, I was about to take a right onto a major street. While looking left for traffic, I must’ve let my foot off the brake just enough to gently roll into the car in front of me. Insta-accident. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything major—just a couple of scuffs on her bumper. I got out and asked the driver to pull into the business lot next to us to get out of traffic. I could tell she was initially upset, and understandably so.

She told me she was going to report the accident so she wouldn't be stuck paying for the damage. I’ll be honest—my first thought wasn’t the most gracious one. But then I realized: this was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. And how I handled this moment could shift the entire tone of the interaction.

So, I owned up to it. I offered her a copy of my insurance right away (thank you, insurance app), and explained I’d already filed a claim. That’s when she softened. She told me she didn’t mean to be a pain—it’s just that her car is leased, and she didn’t want to get stuck with the cost. “If your insurance covers it, that’s all I’m asking,” she said. And in that moment, I saw her not as an angry driver—but as a human being, trying to navigate life like the rest of us.

She even mentioned there was no need to get the police involved since we were handling everything ourselves. At the end, she thanked me for being so nice and helpful.

That little exchange reminded me: kindness always has the power to change a situation. Accidents happen. What matters is how we respond to them. We can’t undo the past, but we can choose how we show up in the present. Being kind doesn’t cost a thing, and sometimes it makes all the difference.

Daddy’s Little Girl… I Think

One of the biggest things I struggled with in my 20s was abandonment. I was talking to a friend recently about my relationship with my father and how things have shifted over the past few years.

Growing up, my dad and I were never especially close. He was in the Army most of my life, always working or traveling. When I was about 11, he went to Panama on business and, essentially, never moved back home. My parents divorced right before I turned 14. After that, he’d check in now and then or send money for school, but he wasn’t really there. And even though he had always been distant, I still felt this deep need to impress him. I worked hard in school, hoping for some kind of approval. But once he left, that drive started to fade. I did well in high school, but once I got to college, everything changed. I struggled in ways I hadn’t before—and not having my dad around definitely didn’t help.

When people think about “daddy issues,” they usually imagine two extremes: either someone who’s overly promiscuous and afraid of commitment, or someone who jumps from relationship to relationship trying to fill that void. I won’t say exactly where I fell on that spectrum, but I will say this: I was terrified of commitment for a long time. I self-sabotaged more than once with men who genuinely cared for me. It was like I was preparing myself for them to leave—because that’s what I knew.

At one point in my late 20s, I had completely resigned to the idea of being alone. It felt easier. No one could get close enough to hurt me, and I convinced myself that I was content.

Then I met someone who saw right through me. She made it her mission to figure me out, and in doing so, helped me recognize the patterns and fears I’d built around relationships. I’d had close friends in college who supported me through hard times, but this was different. She saw the deeper layers and called them out with compassion. Her friendship helped me get more comfortable with emotional closeness.

About three years ago, out of nowhere, my father came back into my life. He started emailing me almost daily, calling every week. It was surreal. After so much time apart, I had to learn how to let him back in. And as strange as it sounds, his presence started easing the weight I’d carried for so long. My abandonment issues didn’t just disappear, but they loosened their grip.

There were still moments where I’d fall into old feelings—but overall, having him back made a huge difference. Then, in February of this year, something shifted even deeper when I started going to church. I felt a conviction stirring in me. I knew I had to forgive my father—not just for his absence, but for the space he left in me that I didn’t know how to fill.

Since then, I’ve felt lighter. And I’m so grateful he’s in my life again. The more we talk, the more I see myself in him—his sarcasm, his outgoing nature. He tells me stories about how I was his little baby, and it melts me. It’s healing to know he loved me all along, even if he didn’t always show it in ways I needed.

At the end of the day, that’s what matters—not the past, not the uncertainty of the future, but this moment. Right now, my dad is present. He’s a part of my life in a way I never expected. And forgiving him—along with anyone else who’s hurt me—was the best gift I could give myself.

If you’re looking for change, sometimes all it takes is a prayer. God has a plan. And I know mine is unfolding in a beautiful way.

Is This Your Reality?

Yet another conversation with the Comedian sparked today’s reflection. One of the most beautiful things in a relationship is when your conversations ignite creativity and self-awareness. Lately, we’ve been talking a lot about “other people’s realities.” It’s a tricky concept to explain, but when you start living consciously and staying present, the noise of gossip and drama just doesn’t hit the same. You start to see how much time and energy people give to things that don’t actually matter.

I’ll admit, there have been moments when I let someone else’s reality throw me off—when their negativity or judgment distracted me from my peace. But I’ve learned that when toxic energy interrupts your joy, the goal isn’t to fight it. It’s to gently guide yourself back to the beauty of the moment.

I’m reminded of something I heard in The Secret: if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you might feel like the whole day is ruined. But in reality, you have the power to change that energy at any time. You can shift your mood, reset your perspective, and reclaim your day. You are in charge of your emotions and your environment—including the people you choose to keep close.

In The 4-Hour Work Week, Timothy Ferriss says that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That hit home for me. It’s taken time, but I can honestly say that the people closest to me now reflect the values I cherish: growth, peace, and authenticity.

Everyone lives in their own reality. You can’t change theirs—but you can shape your own. You can choose to live in alignment with the person you want to become.

This past Sunday, Joel Osteen said something that stuck with me:
“Nothing you have done has canceled your destiny.”
God still has a plan for you—it’s your choice whether or not to listen.

As for me, I choose to keep walking this path of positive enlightenment.
What about you?

The Evolution of Val

The other day, I was perusing my old laptop when I stumbled upon some college-era blog posts. Reading through them felt like time-traveling into the world of my younger self—a drama-filled, boy-crazy, party girl phase that I remember all too well. It's wild to think I’ve been blogging since 2004. Back then, I was writing on MySpace, convinced I was the next Puerto Rican Carrie Bradshaw.

Honestly, I’ve been journaling since middle school. (Yes, I even found those too.) One memory that still makes me laugh—though it definitely wasn’t funny at the time—was when my sister took my high school diary to the neighbor’s house and read it out loud. I was going through puberty and “discovering myself” (you know what I mean), and I thought that diary was a safe place to write about… certain experiences. Spoiler: it wasn’t.

Still, reading through those old entries made me proud. I’m in awe of how much I’ve grown. Some of the same thoughts and values are still with me, but the woman I am today is more grounded, more intentional. I think growth like this often starts after hitting some kind of rock bottom—a moment where you say to yourself, “I don’t want to be this version of me anymore.”

That moment came for me at 21. I won’t go into all the details—that’s a blog for another day—but I made a conscious decision to be better. And I stuck with it.

Life is a constant evolution. I truly believe we should always be learning, always growing. The last time I felt like I was spiraling, I found comfort in positive thinking and faith. And with those two things on my side, I know I won’t return to that place again.

My 20s were full of messy dating experiences, adulting lessons, and self-discovery. And honestly? I think my 30s are going to be fabulous. Maybe 10 years from now, I’ll look back and write “The Evolution of Val: Part II.” And I hope I’m still proud of the woman I continue becoming.