6 Points of Love in the Beginning

dinner-date

I’ve been doing some reading today and it sparked a few thoughts about love and relationships. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, but through it all, I’ve realized how precious life—and love—really is. Below are six lessons I’ve picked up along the way, both before and during my current relationship. Themes I’ve revisited in past blogs, but somehow they still feel just as fresh.

1. Love Comes When You Least Expect It

This one is so real. Every relationship I’ve had showed up when I wasn’t even looking. And when I did try to chase it down, it usually ended in me questioning my own worth. The love I’m in now? Completely unexpected—and completely right. It’s funny how sometimes you leave an imprint on someone’s heart and they circle back when they realize how special that was.

2. Be Patient

I’ve wrestled with abandonment issues for a long time. The anxiety of waiting on a reply or wondering where someone is used to eat me up. Like many women, I overanalyzed and panicked—even when the guy was just taking a nap. With time, I learned to sit with those feelings, understand them, and not let them take over. Insecurity is loud. But confidence in your own growth? That’s peace.

3. Stay Busy

I can’t say this enough—don’t lose yourself in someone else. Keep your life full. Nurture your friendships. Pick up a hobby (writing’s been mine). In the early days of a relationship, it's so easy to fall into "let’s spend every second together" mode. But if you keep doing you, it makes integrating your partner into your life that much smoother—and healthier.

4. Men Are Simple

Seriously. When they like you, they’ll show it. When they don’t, they act weird and confusing. Trust and honesty are non-negotiables. If you can’t trust him, what’s the point? And yes, a woman’s intuition is everything. Don’t confuse insecurity with instinct—there’s a difference. One is rooted in fear, the other in truth.

5. Don’t Try to Change Him

Let me repeat that: you cannot change him. If you find yourself making excuses or constantly explaining away bad behavior, that’s your sign. I’ve seen it play out too many times with friends (and in my own life). You want someone who helps you grow, not someone who keeps you stuck. You can’t fix broken—especially if it’s not your job to fix it in the first place.

6. Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend

You should be able to be your weird, wonderful self around them. The Comedian makes me laugh even in the hardest moments, and he’s also there when I need to fall apart a little. We don’t share everything (I mean, he doesn’t need the play-by-play of my favorite reality show), but he’s my safe space—and that means everything.

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. But here’s what I know for sure: you’re the only one responsible for your happiness. If you’re not happy with yourself, no one else can fill that gap. So love yourself first—and let the rest follow.

The Blogger Reply: Sit On Your Salute and Rotate

Recently, I ended a friendship with someone who I was dating on and off for a few years.  I guess he took it harder than I did because he wrote his own special salute to me you can find here.  I would like to say. He can sit on his salute and rotate. :-)  First and foremost,  how can a man be understood when their blogs contradict what they say in person?  You write how you want to settle down, but at the same time, you're not sure what you want.  I sincerely believe, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else. Second, I was not trying to get into your circle of friends. I was sincerely trying to be nice.  I'm sorry if I wanted to spend time with someone I liked.  If your friends are blind to my actual intentions, that is their fault.  I was merely trying to make a good impression because they are important people to you.  I don't want to offend your friends but if you're going to justify my actions by allowing them to make an impression on your decision to get rid of me finally, then so be it.

You are one of the most selfish and flaky people I have ever met.  The world does not revolve around you.  I'm well aware you fly at all times of the day but let me say something, if you want to be with someone, you will make time for them.  I had an ex in Afghanistan who bought a cell phone to call me.  I also have a good friend who is doing his MBA, working full time and is on the executive board of a local chapter of a national organization who just got engaged to an amazing person.  What does that tell you?  You weren't that into me in the first place.

Finally, yes, I deleted you from FB because only a week prior you were telling me how amazing I was and that you wanted to spend time with me.  I took you to work, and we made plans to hang out when you came back.  You didn't even take into consideration that my best friend asked to hang out with me, but because I made arrangements with you, I turned her down until I had to contact you that same day to see whether we still had plans.  I didn't hear from you until 10 PM that night.  Then two days later, you were "in a relationship" on FB.  WTH.  If it were any sane girl in the world, they would have done the same thing.

Bottom line, you have and always will be selfish and inconsiderate.  Until you figure out how to fix your faults, you will be alone or with someone willing to put up with your BS.

I really hope to bump into you so I can smile at you.  :-D  Nothing is better than killing someone with kindness. :-)

Men vs. Boys: The Difference is in the Delivery

I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday about possibly moving to a new city—somewhere with more opportunities, more things to do, and maybe even better odds at finding love. My experience dating in Orlando has been… exhausting. I don’t know if it’s the city or the kind of men I attract, but I seem to keep finding what my friend calls “boys.”

About a month ago, I met someone in his 40s at a professional conference. He was established, confident, and surrounded by other like-minded adults who had their lives together. And that day, he made it clear—he wanted me. The whole experience opened my eyes to not only new opportunities, but also a new standard for how I should be treated.

Here’s the biggest difference:
👉🏽 Men know what they want and aren’t afraid to say it.
👉🏽 Boys want to play games.

Recently, I reconnected with someone I used to date (yes, I know… masochist tendencies). We hung out a couple of times, and he hit me with, “You’re amazing, we should get married.” And silly me—I thought he meant it.

Then this morning, I open Facebook and BAM—he’s in a relationship. Not with me, obviously. WTFreak?! Man up. If you’re seeing someone else, just say that. I promise I won’t be mad—I’m not that girl. I’ll respect you way more for your honesty than for hiding behind your relationship status like I wouldn’t find out.

If I have enough confidence as a woman to tell someone they’re not for me, then I expect the same integrity in return. Yes, I’m outspoken. Yes, I don’t tolerate BS. And yes, I speak my mind. But those are the very traits that build strong relationships. There’s no mystery here—I know that honesty is the foundation of something real. (Unless, of course, you’re keeping secrets because you’re planning to surprise me with jewelry. Then, carry on. 😏)

At the end of the day, the key to a great relationship is communication. Be real. Be clear. Be a man.

The Younger Man: Why I Trust My Experience Over Empty Promises

When I meet someone new, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, I don’t know their habits, their story, or what they've been through. But that doesn’t mean I let all my walls down. I keep my guard up and only reveal just enough of myself—especially when it comes to younger men.

They always say the same thing:

“You’re different.”

And every time, I choose to give them a fair shot. I allow them the space to pursue me—to show me they’re serious. But the truth is, I’ve never been proven wrong from my original theory:

A younger man will always be a younger man.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying this from a place of ego or superiority. But I’ve lived through some hard things. Life has matured me in a way that most 24-year-olds haven’t had to experience yet.

I observe my surroundings carefully. I practice patience. And one of the things I can’t stand is when someone denies what I clearly see. Younger men often feel that admitting the truth is giving up power, when in reality, acknowledging the truth now prevents problems later.

And so, until someone proves me wrong, I’ll keep living by this belief.
Because patterns don’t lie.
And neither does intuition.

Have you dated someone younger than you? Did they prove your assumptions right—or surprise you? Let’s talk about it in the comments.