Why Do Women Need Control?

A few weeks ago, I was on a radio show when one of the hosts said something that struck a nerve: she always pays for dinner—even on the first date.

Now, I didn’t agree with her, but I stayed quiet. It wasn’t my moment. Still, I’ve been sitting with that comment ever since.

What drives a woman to insist on control—even in something as small as picking up the check? Maybe it’s past hurt. Maybe a man once took advantage of her, or maybe she was raised to believe that relying on someone else makes you weak. Maybe it’s a way of saying, “I got this. I don’t need anyone.”

But here’s the thing: love requires vulnerability. It asks us to let go—to soften—and that’s scary. There’s no guarantee you won’t get hurt. But ask yourself this:

“Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”

That’s for you to decide. Personally, I want to love. Fully. Fiercely. Unapologetically.
Like Carrie Bradshaw once said:

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

I’m not here to shame women for being powerful. I am one. I admire ambition, strength, and drive. But there’s something equally powerful—and beautiful—in femininity. Why are we so quick to erase it?

This weekend at a conference, a body language expert said something that stayed with me:

“A woman’s greatest strength is her warmth.” – Susan Constantine, MPsy

Yes, the business world can be brutal. Yes, we fight for our place at the table. But when we step away from the boardroom, why do we feel like we have to wear the same armor in our relationships?

Let’s be real. There is a magic in melting into someone’s arms. There’s power in letting go—in trusting someone enough to lead for a moment. If you’ve never experienced passionate, consuming, raw, melt-the-sheets intimacy… maybe it’s because you’ve never surrendered enough to let it happen.

That’s not weakness. That’s power with softness. And it’s a balance we rarely talk about.

In all the books I’ve read about love—The 5 Love Languages, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, you name it—there’s a common thread: relationships thrive when we honor our roles. Men are wired to protect and provide. Women are built to nurture and connect. There’s beauty in that balance.

So if a man offers to pay, to open a door, to compliment you—let him. He’s not trying to strip your power. He’s doing what he was raised to do. If he’s a decent man (and not a complete douche), he’s not trying to dominate you—he’s trying to care for you.

We don’t lose ourselves by allowing that.
We are women. We multitask like queens, carry emotional loads heavier than most, and literally have the power to grow life inside us. That’s strength.

You don’t need to control everything to be powerful. And just because you don’t need a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let one feel needed.

So let him. Why take that away?

6 Points of Love in the Beginning

dinner-date

I’ve been doing some reading today and it sparked a few thoughts about love and relationships. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, but through it all, I’ve realized how precious life—and love—really is. Below are six lessons I’ve picked up along the way, both before and during my current relationship. Themes I’ve revisited in past blogs, but somehow they still feel just as fresh.

1. Love Comes When You Least Expect It

This one is so real. Every relationship I’ve had showed up when I wasn’t even looking. And when I did try to chase it down, it usually ended in me questioning my own worth. The love I’m in now? Completely unexpected—and completely right. It’s funny how sometimes you leave an imprint on someone’s heart and they circle back when they realize how special that was.

2. Be Patient

I’ve wrestled with abandonment issues for a long time. The anxiety of waiting on a reply or wondering where someone is used to eat me up. Like many women, I overanalyzed and panicked—even when the guy was just taking a nap. With time, I learned to sit with those feelings, understand them, and not let them take over. Insecurity is loud. But confidence in your own growth? That’s peace.

3. Stay Busy

I can’t say this enough—don’t lose yourself in someone else. Keep your life full. Nurture your friendships. Pick up a hobby (writing’s been mine). In the early days of a relationship, it's so easy to fall into "let’s spend every second together" mode. But if you keep doing you, it makes integrating your partner into your life that much smoother—and healthier.

4. Men Are Simple

Seriously. When they like you, they’ll show it. When they don’t, they act weird and confusing. Trust and honesty are non-negotiables. If you can’t trust him, what’s the point? And yes, a woman’s intuition is everything. Don’t confuse insecurity with instinct—there’s a difference. One is rooted in fear, the other in truth.

5. Don’t Try to Change Him

Let me repeat that: you cannot change him. If you find yourself making excuses or constantly explaining away bad behavior, that’s your sign. I’ve seen it play out too many times with friends (and in my own life). You want someone who helps you grow, not someone who keeps you stuck. You can’t fix broken—especially if it’s not your job to fix it in the first place.

6. Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend

You should be able to be your weird, wonderful self around them. The Comedian makes me laugh even in the hardest moments, and he’s also there when I need to fall apart a little. We don’t share everything (I mean, he doesn’t need the play-by-play of my favorite reality show), but he’s my safe space—and that means everything.

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. But here’s what I know for sure: you’re the only one responsible for your happiness. If you’re not happy with yourself, no one else can fill that gap. So love yourself first—and let the rest follow.