That Je Ne Sais Quoi

Over the past few weeks, I've been on several dates. And for some reason… the chemistry was painfully MIA. I find it fascinating — almost comical — that I only seem to click with the men who are completely wrong for me. You know the type: emotionally unavailable, a resume full of red flags, or a starting lineup of kids and baby mamas. Maybe I have a thing for the unattainable… or maybe I just lose interest when a guy is too available.

Truth be told, I want to like the men with good jobs, stable lives, and a five-year plan that doesn’t involve chaos. They’re not unattractive, just… blah. There’s no spark, no vibe, no je ne sais quoi. It’s frustrating because finding a man with both personality and relationship goals feels like hunting for a unicorn in a sea of gym selfies and “looking for fun” bios.

Sometimes I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City — “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!”

Lately, I’m wondering if I’ve just gotten so used to the act of dating that I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship. Most of my coupled-up friends didn’t go on a million dates — things just happened. Meanwhile, I’m stuck wondering if I’m dating out of genuine interest… or just to break up the monotony (and collect material for more bad date stories).

Either way, it’s exhausting. Is it too much to ask for a little chemistry and a little stability in one package?

So what I want what I want!

After my last relationship attempt fell apart so spectacularly, it took almost a year to recover. Only in the past six months have I even been able to consider opening my heart to someone new. And while I’m finally ready to be in a relationship, that doesn’t mean I’ll fall for the first guy who makes me laugh.

This isn’t arrogance—it’s self-worth.

I’m an independent, self-sufficient, intelligent woman. Yes, I was raised in a Puerto Rican household where women were often expected to be nurturing and domesticated. But I’m also Americanized enough to know I will not be taken for granted. That dynamic just doesn’t work for me. No offense to women who embrace traditional roles—respectfully, it’s just not my path.

Recently, I spent time with someone I genuinely enjoyed being around. He made me laugh, and the chemistry was there. But his immaturity was impossible to overlook. I won’t go into detail out of fairness to him, but I’ll say this: I’m not your sugar mama, and you don’t get to treat me like a girlfriend while reminding me you “don’t want a relationship.” You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

At this stage in my life, I’m not looking for practice—I’m looking for partnership. I want my next relationship to be better than my last. And yes, I’m picky, because I should be. Every woman deserves someone who values her, respects her, and treats her like the queen she is.

I know what I want—and I’m not ashamed of that.

Hey Guys! This Is Tom: When Introducing Someone You're Dating Goes Awkwardly Wrong

I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets a surge of anxiety when introducing someone I’m dating to my friends — but it hits me every single time. Most of my friends think I’m dramatic for putting so much pressure on that moment, but I can’t help it. I genuinely care about everyone’s well-being and want harmony across the board.

Since I’ve never been especially close with my family, my friends are everything — they fill those emotional gaps and are often the first people I turn to when I need support. So yes, getting their stamp of approval on someone I’m seeing is super duper important.

A few months ago, a friend I used to date insisted on coming to visit me. I was hesitant — most of our conversations end in arguments — but because I’m annoyingly nice, I said yes. Coincidentally, one of my friends was having a birthday dinner that same weekend, and I didn’t want to miss it. So, I figured I’d just bring him along. Spoiler alert: I should’ve gone solo.

I picked him up from the train station. He practically leapt on me, and right then, I realized… OMG. I am so not into him like I used to be. I panicked a little inside but played it cool. I dropped him off at my apartment so I could finish up at work.

When I got back, he tried to kiss me again. Nope. I pushed him away gently, and we got ready for dinner. What I had forgotten — and this becomes important — is that he can’t hear out of one ear.

At the restaurant, I greeted everyone and waited for my best girlfriend, her husband, and another good friend to show up. Now, let me explain something: my best friend’s husband is very protective of me — think big brother vibes. When I introduce him to someone I’m dating, he usually doesn’t say much until he sees if they’re going to stick around. Smart man.

So we sit down… and “Tom” won’t stop talking. Like, at all. My friends try to ask him questions, but because of his hearing issue, he doesn’t catch them. Cue the awkward silence and confused glances.

I could feel the secondhand embarrassment radiating off my friends. I knew right then: I wasn’t going to live this night down. And spoiler again: I haven’t.

I’ll spare you the details of the rest of the night, but let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the kindest version of myself. It’s like my embarrassment turned into petty coldness. Not my proudest moment, but hey — sometimes your gut reaction is your loudest truth.

After that weekend, I made a new rule for myself: not everyone you’re dating needs to meet your friends right away. Sometimes, it’s better to give things time before merging worlds. If a guy’s not someone I can confidently bring around without stress, I’ll gladly sacrifice a couple nights out to avoid reliving The Tom Situation.

Men Can Be So Selfish!

This isn’t advice.
This isn’t a love story.
This is a full-on rant from a woman who is tired.

Tired of being told to play the role—
Be mysterious. Be demure. Be “ladylike.”
Play hard to get so maybe he’ll actually notice you.

Meanwhile, he’s out there doing whatever he wants—hanging out with friends, spending time with family, swiping through dating apps, or changing his profile picture like it’s a job. And you? You’re stuck analyzing every little thing, wondering where you stand, waiting for him to maybe make you feel seen.

I get it—testosterone, independence, blah blah blah.
But let’s be real… it’s not a hormone thing. It’s a respect thing.

All I’m Asking For Is Honesty

If you’re seeing someone else, just say it.
If your night is booked with family or friends, I’ll respect that—just don’t ghost me or feed me crumbs of attention while pretending you’re “busy.”

Because here’s the thing:
If you’re truly interested in someone, you make time. You prioritize them. You don’t make them feel like a backup plan or an option.

Women—especially good women—deserve clarity.
We deserve honesty.
We deserve to feel like we matter.

Stop Playing with Hearts

And don’t even get me started on online dating.
You’re changing your default photo every other day and suddenly disappearing off the face of the Earth?
Let me guess—you’re on a date with someone else.
Cool. Just own it. Don’t lead someone on when you’re still playing the field.

Know Your Worth, Ladies

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
Every woman has worth.
And a good woman deserves more than mixed signals and last-minute texts.

So for the love of all that is sacred, keep your one-eyed monsters in check, gentlemen.
And if you're not ready for something real?
Don’t waste our time.

Men in Uniform: A Personal Obsession or Something Deeper?

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I don’t know if it stems from the fact that my dad was in the Army—or if it's something deeper—but I’ve always been drawn to men in uniform. Someone once told me, “You date what you know,” and maybe there's truth to that. There’s just something about the combination of structure, purpose, and masculinity that makes my heart skip a beat.

According to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.,

“The ‘uniform’ may signify that the man is able to manage life’s troubles… It spells safety and security.”

And honestly? That checks out.

Military, Firefighters, Police—Oh My

I’ve dated men from every branch of the military—yes, all of them—as well as a firefighter and a policeman. I use the word dated loosely here (some were one or two dates, others stuck around a little longer). But this post isn’t about the individual relationships. This is about the magnetic pull of the uniform itself.

That commanding presence. The air of responsibility. The strength—both physical and emotional.
It all adds up to a kind of safety net, especially for women who are used to being the strong ones.

The Unspoken Cost of That Lifestyle

That said, the lifestyle isn’t easy.

I was once engaged to someone who served in Afghanistan. And let me tell you, the daily worry is like emotional torture. The thought that a single missed call could mean something terrible… it’s not for the faint of heart. I have so much respect for the men and women who stay strong while their partners are overseas. They carry the emotional weight of both protector and nurturer, often alone, so their loved ones can protect our country.

So in the spirit of Memorial Day: thank you for your service. I mean that deeply.

Why Are We So Drawn to Uniforms?

Is it the promise of protection? The structure? The discipline?
Or maybe, deep down, it’s the fantasy that someone can rescue us—even if we’re strong enough to handle it on our own.

As much as I hate admitting I need saving…
Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who could, just in case? 😊

Ghosting

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UrbanDictionary.com defines ghosting as “The act of disappearing on your friends without notice.” But let’s be honest—ghosting has gone beyond friendships. It’s practically the unofficial exit strategy of modern dating.

I recently heard a conversation on the radio about this and thought, "Wow, this isn't new to me." Truth is, I’ve ghosted and I’ve been ghosted—and I’m willing to bet most people reading this have too.

Picture This:

You go on an amazing date with someone who totally gets you.
There's chemistry. Banter. Maybe even a magical kiss goodnight and a long, lingering hug.
He says, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Then... silence.
Tomorrow passes. Then another day.
Still nothing.

You convince yourself not to text him first—“Play it cool,” you tell yourself.
But curiosity (or hope) wins. You hit send.

And still... nothing.
Congratulations. You’ve just been ghosted.

Why Do People Ghost?

Let’s be real: no one likes the awkward conversation that comes with saying “I’m not feeling this.”
So instead of dealing with it, people just vanish.
They disappear without explanation, hoping time will cover their tracks.

Sometimes it’s because:

• They’re emotionally unavailable

• They’re dealing with personal chaos

• They’re cowards

• Or... they just weren’t that into you

And yes, I’ve ghosted before too. Not proudly, but because it's easier than giving an explanation to someone I didn’t feel a connection with.

What Ghosting Isn’t:

It’s not about you doing something wrong.
It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy.
It’s not an invitation to create wild scenarios in your head about what went wrong.

It just means he wasn’t your person—and he didn’t have the emotional maturity to communicate that.

How to Deal with Ghosting:

Don’t spiral. Don’t chase. Don’t overanalyze.
Just take it for what it is: a clear sign that this person wasn’t aligned with your energy or intentions.

Take a deep breath.
You’ve officially dodged someone who doesn’t know how to use their words.
Move on. And know that the right person won’t vanish when things get real.

Online Dating ≠ Relationship

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Let’s call this what it is: a rant.

I’ve had enough experiences with online dating to know—being on a dating site doesn’t automatically mean someone is looking for a relationship.

Let me rewind for a second. My first online dating experience happened during senior year of high school. My prom date backed out at the last minute (cue dramatic sobbing). Out of desperation, I logged into AOL, entered a chatroom, and met someone who quite literally came to my rescue. Two weeks later, he was my prom date.

The relationship? It went nowhere. But that wasn’t the point.

Since then, I’ve had little success turning online interactions into actual relationships. Sure, I dated someone I met through MySpace once—but he was a friend of a friend, so it doesn’t really count.

Now, almost two years out of my last serious relationship, I’ve started noticing something new: men on paid dating apps who have no real interest in being in a relationship.

Let me be clear—I’m not talking about Tinder or Bumble, where ambiguity is part of the experience. I’m talking about PAID sites. Platforms where people are supposedly investing time and money to find a meaningful connection.

Instead, here’s what I find:

• Men fresh out of relationships who “think” they’re ready

• Guys who are “too busy” but swear they want something serious

• People who just want to “see what’s out there”

My PSA to the Online Dating World:

If you’re not emotionally available, don’t advertise yourself like you are.
Don’t say you’re ready for something real when you’re still unpacking your breakup or working 70-hour weeks with no room for connection.

Go on a free dating site if you want to dip your toe back into the pool without strings attached. At least then I know not to take it seriously.

This isn’t bitterness—it’s just honesty. Because false hope hurts, and misleading someone looking for love does nothing for your karma.

At the very least, be honest with yourself. And if you’re brave enough, be honest with the person on the other end of the screen.

Every action has a reaction—and in online dating, it could be a hurt heart on the other side of that chat bubble.

Super Stalkers: A Lesson in Red Flags and Escape Routes

I don’t recall ever being stalked so relentlessly—but here we are.

A few weeks ago, I went to my friend’s house for her husband’s birthday party. He’s a DJ for a local Latino promotions company, so as expected, the music was blasting, the backyard was full, and the energy was wild.

I brought along a coworker I adore—we’ll call her Dory. She’s much younger than me, and although she’s strong and confident, I tend to be a bit protective. Still, I let her do her thing.

We were just standing by the wall when two guys approached and asked us to dance. I love to dance, so of course, I said yes. What we didn’t expect was for these guys to instantly latch on to us. They bought drinks, asked questions, blocked other guys from approaching, and even started taking pictures with us like we were a couple.

One of them asked Dory if we were going to the club after the party. She looked to me for backup, and since I was already dressed for the night, I said I’d go to keep an eye out.

The Plot Twist

We went to Dory’s place so she could change, then met the guys at the club. Once we were inside, things unraveled. We found out Dory’s guy had a girlfriend. We confronted him, and of course, he denied it over and over.

Why do guys think we won’t find out? If you're part of the local club scene, word travels fast.

Meanwhile, my guy was doing the most—pushing drinks on me all night. I could tell exactly what he was hoping for, but thankfully, I have a sixth sense for ulterior motives. Let’s just say he wasn’t going to get what he came for.

By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I asked Dory if we could leave, and she was ready to go too. We didn't tell them we were leaving—petty? Maybe. But necessary. If you’re going to lie and flirt with other women, don’t expect me to play nice.

The Stalker Moment

Dory dropped me off at my car. I started heading home, and just as I was relaxing… I looked to my left at a red light.
It was them. In their car. Right next to me.

I froze but kept driving—and thank God, I found a turnoff and escaped.

It Didn’t End There…

On Monday, Dory told me her guy had been texting her all weekend. One message stood out:

“Can you give your friend my number?”

Absolutely not. No way was I inviting that kind of crazy into my life.

Weeks later, I ended up at the same club again, and guess who showed up? Yup, them. Fortunately, I was with someone else, so I ignored them completely.

Even funnier? My friend who works the door told me they’d been asking her for my number too.

All I can say is…
Wow.
And every time I go out now, I make sure I have a solid escape route.

Finding Myself: Learning to Reclaim My Path

The last few weeks, I’ve been doing a kind of soul search—trying to find emotional balance and reconnect with who I am.

I haven’t figured it all out yet.
But there’s been a little clarity.

Back in high school, I remember being so sure of myself. I had dreams, goals, direction. I knew who I was and where I was going.

But life happened.

Some big, unexpected things threw me off course—and since then, I’ve kind of just been coasting. Not falling apart… just floating.

Realizations in Singleness

Now that I’ve been single for over a year and a half, it’s becoming clearer:

I allowed people and situations to cloud my purpose.

I used to have so much drive. So many ideas.
Now, I find myself wondering where all that energy went.

Still—somehow—I know I’m working toward something.
And even though I’m not fully there yet, I’m halfway to the goal.

Where I Go From Here

What I need now is to find the balance between:

• Who I used to be

• Who I am now

• And who I’m meant to become

Most importantly, I need to figure out what it means to be truly happy.
That’s the goal. Not just accomplishments, not just checkboxes.

Genuine joy.

I know what I want.
I just have to pull myself out of this rut—and keep moving toward it.

This One Time at Band Camp…

Yes, I went to band camp.
And no—nothing perverted happened there.
I was actually very innocent in high school.

But I’ve noticed something funny. Some stories from that time still make people laugh—even if I’ve told them a dozen times. And since writing my Bad Date series, I’ve gone on a few more dates.

What I didn’t expect?

Guys being scared I’d write about them.

Seriously. A few of them actually said:

“Please don’t blog about this.”

Let me clarify:

I would never write about someone unless there’s comedic relief involved.
If a date was sweet, sincere, and genuinely great? There’s no joke there—just sappy love content (which I enjoy on my own time, thank you very much).

One of my friends even told me:

“It’s not fair to the dating population—you basically wrote a ‘how-not-to-date-you’ guide.”

And they’re not wrong.

My blog is a bit of a blueprint.
It gives readers a glimpse into my personality, preferences, and the very real things that turn me off. But honestly? I don’t mind.

I consider myself an open book. If you want to know something—ask.
I’ve grown comfortable enough in my own skin that I’m no longer afraid of what someone might think about me.

So Here’s Your Friendly Disclaimer:

If you don’t want to end up as a headline in my blog:

• Don’t tip your server 5% after a $100 meal.

• Don’t pick Chick-fil-A for a first date when there are plenty of decent sit-down restaurants.

• Don’t show up at my place on a bicycle.

• And please, for the love of dating dignity—don’t be creepy. 😊

Simple, right?