That Je Ne Sais Quoi

Over the past few weeks, I've been on several dates. And for some reason… the chemistry was painfully MIA. I find it fascinating — almost comical — that I only seem to click with the men who are completely wrong for me. You know the type: emotionally unavailable, a resume full of red flags, or a starting lineup of kids and baby mamas. Maybe I have a thing for the unattainable… or maybe I just lose interest when a guy is too available.

Truth be told, I want to like the men with good jobs, stable lives, and a five-year plan that doesn’t involve chaos. They’re not unattractive, just… blah. There’s no spark, no vibe, no je ne sais quoi. It’s frustrating because finding a man with both personality and relationship goals feels like hunting for a unicorn in a sea of gym selfies and “looking for fun” bios.

Sometimes I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City — “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!”

Lately, I’m wondering if I’ve just gotten so used to the act of dating that I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship. Most of my coupled-up friends didn’t go on a million dates — things just happened. Meanwhile, I’m stuck wondering if I’m dating out of genuine interest… or just to break up the monotony (and collect material for more bad date stories).

Either way, it’s exhausting. Is it too much to ask for a little chemistry and a little stability in one package?

So what I want what I want!

After my last relationship attempt fell apart so spectacularly, it took almost a year to recover. Only in the past six months have I even been able to consider opening my heart to someone new. And while I’m finally ready to be in a relationship, that doesn’t mean I’ll fall for the first guy who makes me laugh.

This isn’t arrogance—it’s self-worth.

I’m an independent, self-sufficient, intelligent woman. Yes, I was raised in a Puerto Rican household where women were often expected to be nurturing and domesticated. But I’m also Americanized enough to know I will not be taken for granted. That dynamic just doesn’t work for me. No offense to women who embrace traditional roles—respectfully, it’s just not my path.

Recently, I spent time with someone I genuinely enjoyed being around. He made me laugh, and the chemistry was there. But his immaturity was impossible to overlook. I won’t go into detail out of fairness to him, but I’ll say this: I’m not your sugar mama, and you don’t get to treat me like a girlfriend while reminding me you “don’t want a relationship.” You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

At this stage in my life, I’m not looking for practice—I’m looking for partnership. I want my next relationship to be better than my last. And yes, I’m picky, because I should be. Every woman deserves someone who values her, respects her, and treats her like the queen she is.

I know what I want—and I’m not ashamed of that.