Don't Get in that Car

I recently heard something on the radio that shook me. A young woman had been raped after getting into a car with a stranger.

My first thought? Why would anyone get into a car with someone they don’t know?
But I had to pause. Because while it might seem obvious to some of us, we live in a world where people are taught to be polite—sometimes at the expense of their safety.

Maybe it’s my thick skin. Maybe it’s the close calls I’ve had. But I believe we need to talk more honestly about the decisions we make and how to protect ourselves—not with blame or shame, but with clarity.

We’re all taught about “stranger danger” as kids, but somehow, that lesson fades as we grow up. Yet the risks don’t. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), most sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows—but that doesn’t mean trusting a stranger is any safer.

A recent social experiment on YouTube (watch here: Social Experiment on Stranger Danger) showed just how easy it is for people to let their guard down. It’s chilling to see women voluntarily get into a car with someone they just met.

I speak from experience. I haven’t always made the safest choices, and I say this with empathy, not judgment. I know what it’s like to want to believe in the good in people. But there’s a line between being optimistic and being unprotected.

Let’s look at another scenario:
You meet a guy at a bar. He’s charming, the vibe is right, and then he invites you to his place after.
What do you think is going to happen? A long, respectful conversation about art and philosophy? Probably not.

One of my favorite lines from How I Met Your Mother says it best:

“Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.”

Go home. Protect your dignity and your peace. If he’s a good guy, he’ll call. If he doesn’t? He never was.

I get it—insecurities sometimes make us crave validation. Sometimes curiosity gets the better of us. And sometimes we just don’t want to be alone. I’ve been there.

But the truth is, many of my worst dates and most regrettable choices could’ve been avoided if I’d put my self-worth first. That’s the lesson I’m sharing here—not to shame, but to empower.

I also believe God doesn’t put us through anything we can’t handle. Sometimes we fall so we can rise stronger. But we can minimize how hard we fall by listening to our gut, learning from the past, and choosing ourselves first.

If you or someone you know is struggling, confused, or carrying the weight of a sexual assault, I’m here to listen—no judgment, just support. That goes for men and women alike.

You are worth protecting. You are worth waiting for. You are worthy—period.

What’s Your Last Name Again? Yeah... That Matters.

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You really don’t know a person until you know, ummm… their last name?

Recently, a good friend of mine decided to dive into the online dating world after a pretty traumatizing breakup. I gently warned her that she might not be ready for dating just yet, so I suggested she try a free dating site—just to get her feet wet. Little did I know, she was about to get a crash course in dating red flags.

One day, she showed me a picture of a guy she had just started talking to. According to her, he was the whole package—into sports, had a son, sexy voice, the works. I was skeptical from the beginning. Something about the whole thing felt... off. Especially when he asked her to meet him at his job—a busy restaurant in Winter Park.

That Saturday, I tagged along. I figured, if nothing else, I’d get to scope out this guy and maybe score a few freebies. We sat at the bar and she nervously texted him that she was there. It was honestly adorable—she looked like a giddy schoolgirl. And when he finally walked by, she lit up. “He looks so much better in person!” she whispered.

He passed by a few more times, and eventually invited us to join him at a bar later. A friend of mine joined too—because let’s be honest, I wasn’t trying to third wheel all night. We didn’t exactly get the VIP hookup at the restaurant, but hey, there was a discount. (Side note: If a guy invites you somewhere, he should at least offer to pay. Just sayin’.)

After that night, the two of them kept talking. They made plans for lunch the following week, then a Saturday night out. At some point, she casually asked him, “Hey, I don’t even know your last name.” He paused for a second, then replied, “Fernandez.”

Cool. All good, right?

Fast forward to Saturday night—we were downtown with some of my old college friends. She peeled off to meet up with her “Fernandez” for drinks. As they ordered, the bartender asked for a name to put the tab under. His response? “Lopez.”

LOPEZ???

Yeah. Huge red flag. Naturally, we did what any self-respecting woman in 2020-something would do—we Googled him. And girl, the mugshot came up like a horror story. Along with multiple domestic violence charges.

Once he realized she heard him drop the wrong last name, he conveniently disappeared. Poof. Gone.

All I can say is—some men in the dating world are just not datable. Check the receipts, ladies. That last name might tell you everything you need to know.

The Blogger Reply: Sit On Your Salute and Rotate

Recently, I ended a friendship with someone who I was dating on and off for a few years.  I guess he took it harder than I did because he wrote his own special salute to me you can find here.  I would like to say. He can sit on his salute and rotate. :-)  First and foremost,  how can a man be understood when their blogs contradict what they say in person?  You write how you want to settle down, but at the same time, you're not sure what you want.  I sincerely believe, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else. Second, I was not trying to get into your circle of friends. I was sincerely trying to be nice.  I'm sorry if I wanted to spend time with someone I liked.  If your friends are blind to my actual intentions, that is their fault.  I was merely trying to make a good impression because they are important people to you.  I don't want to offend your friends but if you're going to justify my actions by allowing them to make an impression on your decision to get rid of me finally, then so be it.

You are one of the most selfish and flaky people I have ever met.  The world does not revolve around you.  I'm well aware you fly at all times of the day but let me say something, if you want to be with someone, you will make time for them.  I had an ex in Afghanistan who bought a cell phone to call me.  I also have a good friend who is doing his MBA, working full time and is on the executive board of a local chapter of a national organization who just got engaged to an amazing person.  What does that tell you?  You weren't that into me in the first place.

Finally, yes, I deleted you from FB because only a week prior you were telling me how amazing I was and that you wanted to spend time with me.  I took you to work, and we made plans to hang out when you came back.  You didn't even take into consideration that my best friend asked to hang out with me, but because I made arrangements with you, I turned her down until I had to contact you that same day to see whether we still had plans.  I didn't hear from you until 10 PM that night.  Then two days later, you were "in a relationship" on FB.  WTH.  If it were any sane girl in the world, they would have done the same thing.

Bottom line, you have and always will be selfish and inconsiderate.  Until you figure out how to fix your faults, you will be alone or with someone willing to put up with your BS.

I really hope to bump into you so I can smile at you.  :-D  Nothing is better than killing someone with kindness. :-)

Ghosting

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UrbanDictionary.com defines ghosting as “The act of disappearing on your friends without notice.” But let’s be honest—ghosting has gone beyond friendships. It’s practically the unofficial exit strategy of modern dating.

I recently heard a conversation on the radio about this and thought, "Wow, this isn't new to me." Truth is, I’ve ghosted and I’ve been ghosted—and I’m willing to bet most people reading this have too.

Picture This:

You go on an amazing date with someone who totally gets you.
There's chemistry. Banter. Maybe even a magical kiss goodnight and a long, lingering hug.
He says, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Then... silence.
Tomorrow passes. Then another day.
Still nothing.

You convince yourself not to text him first—“Play it cool,” you tell yourself.
But curiosity (or hope) wins. You hit send.

And still... nothing.
Congratulations. You’ve just been ghosted.

Why Do People Ghost?

Let’s be real: no one likes the awkward conversation that comes with saying “I’m not feeling this.”
So instead of dealing with it, people just vanish.
They disappear without explanation, hoping time will cover their tracks.

Sometimes it’s because:

• They’re emotionally unavailable

• They’re dealing with personal chaos

• They’re cowards

• Or... they just weren’t that into you

And yes, I’ve ghosted before too. Not proudly, but because it's easier than giving an explanation to someone I didn’t feel a connection with.

What Ghosting Isn’t:

It’s not about you doing something wrong.
It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy.
It’s not an invitation to create wild scenarios in your head about what went wrong.

It just means he wasn’t your person—and he didn’t have the emotional maturity to communicate that.

How to Deal with Ghosting:

Don’t spiral. Don’t chase. Don’t overanalyze.
Just take it for what it is: a clear sign that this person wasn’t aligned with your energy or intentions.

Take a deep breath.
You’ve officially dodged someone who doesn’t know how to use their words.
Move on. And know that the right person won’t vanish when things get real.

Bad Date #3: The Bad Tipper

This one wasn’t a bad date... until the very end.

Back in college, I had a crush on this guy—I still don’t know why. He was a Mexican Texan who kind of looked like Fred Flintstone, and maybe it was some weird nostalgic tie to my childhood. Who knows. But for whatever reason, I was into it.

So I asked him if he’d take me to this popular sushi spot in Gainesville. (If you went to UF, you already know which one I mean.) I ordered sushi, he didn’t, which I didn’t judge. Not everyone has the taste for it.

The date itself? Pretty chill. We ate, chatted, laughed a little. He picked up the bill at the end, then said he had to run to the bathroom.

I headed toward the front of the restaurant to wait for him.
Then the waitress approached me.

She looked uncomfortable.
I asked, “Is something wrong?”

She replied,

“Did I do something bad?”

I said, “No, why?”

She said:

“Because I only got a $1 tip from you guys.”

My jaw didn’t drop physically, but inside?

🚨 EMERGENCY. SHUT DOWN. REBOOT.

I was mortified.

I didn’t have cash on me, but I offered to tip her using my debit card—even suggested she charge me for something random just so I could make it right. She kindly declined.

My date came strolling out of the bathroom, totally unaware, and we left.
I didn’t say a word.
But inside?
I was done.

No matter how much you look like Fred Flintstone, if you leave a $1 tip and embarrass me in front of a hardworking waitress...
You’re getting ghosted.

And just like that, it was the last date with Fred.

Bad Date #1: Chick-fil-A at the Mall—You Can’t Make This Up

Welcome to the world of bad dates—a series where I let you in on some of my personal favorites. Luckily, I’m pretty laid-back, so I survived these with minimal emotional damage. But each one taught me a little something.

Let’s start with this gem from a few years ago...

I had just ended things with my ex-fiancé about a month and a half earlier. I was still navigating the weird emotional space between heartbreak and hopeful new beginnings. Then I went to a friend’s Super Bowl party. She was hyping up her husband’s best friend like he was the ideal man—great job, great personality, great on paper. She even said, “He’s someone I’d actually approve of.”

A week later, he and I were texting and made plans to go out.

He suggested we meet at the upscale mall nearby—the one with all the good dining options. We met up and he asked the classic question:

“Where do you want to eat?”

Now, I’m a little old-school. I like when the guy takes the lead, especially on a first date. Plus, I’m mindful of price ranges and don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

So I smiled and said, “Wherever you’d like.”

He looked around thoughtfully and said:

“Let’s do Chick-fil-A.”

I froze. Internally.

Chick-fil-A? On a first date? In a mall with places like Cheesecake Factory, PF Chang’s, Brio, and California Pizza Kitchen?

Don’t get me wrong—I love a spicy deluxe sandwich as much as the next girl. But this was giving food court energy, not date night energy.

I didn’t say anything. I’m not cruel, and I wasn’t going to make a scene. I ordered whatever I wanted off the menu. But mentally, I made a note:

“This is our first—and last—date.”

Thank God there wasn’t a dollar menu. I have a feeling he would've pointed to it and said, “Order from this side.”

The Younger Man: Why I Trust My Experience Over Empty Promises

When I meet someone new, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, I don’t know their habits, their story, or what they've been through. But that doesn’t mean I let all my walls down. I keep my guard up and only reveal just enough of myself—especially when it comes to younger men.

They always say the same thing:

“You’re different.”

And every time, I choose to give them a fair shot. I allow them the space to pursue me—to show me they’re serious. But the truth is, I’ve never been proven wrong from my original theory:

A younger man will always be a younger man.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying this from a place of ego or superiority. But I’ve lived through some hard things. Life has matured me in a way that most 24-year-olds haven’t had to experience yet.

I observe my surroundings carefully. I practice patience. And one of the things I can’t stand is when someone denies what I clearly see. Younger men often feel that admitting the truth is giving up power, when in reality, acknowledging the truth now prevents problems later.

And so, until someone proves me wrong, I’ll keep living by this belief.
Because patterns don’t lie.
And neither does intuition.

Have you dated someone younger than you? Did they prove your assumptions right—or surprise you? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

Why Actions Speak Louder than Words in Modern Dating

This past weekend reminded me—yet again—that actions really do speak louder than words. Honestly, how stupid do you think I am? Some men string together all the right lines to make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but in the end, it’s just that: words.

I used to fall for the charm. It doesn’t take much for me to feel like I can trust someone—but come on. Do you really think I’m going to have a one-night stand just because you say, “No, ma, I promise we’ll still be friends”? Be for real. What kind of lasting relationship comes from that? Usually, the answer is simple: purely physical ones.

Lately, I keep bumping into guys who believe that if they say the right thing, they’ll get what they want. What they don’t realize is—I’ve heard it all. I’ve lived through the *“I promise”*s and the “I’m not like the others” speeches. And you know what? I’m still here, but not because of them.

Here’s the thing: I try to live life positively. But when you’re surrounded by people who judge your choices, who use charm as manipulation, or who think you’re naïve—you start to question who’s really being real.

People often tell me I’m “one of the guys.” Maybe that’s why I can see through the game. I know the lingo, the timing, the tactics. And yes, I’ve been guilty of playing the game myself. But that’s exactly why I know when someone thinks they’ve got one over on me.

So here’s my question: When will people stop relying on words and start showing up with real actions? Because when it comes down to it, words mean nothing without follow-through.