Is Divorce an Option?

Last night, I was browsing my Hulu account—because all of my shows had ended their season—and stumbled across Mistresses starring Alyssa Milano. I've been a fan of hers since Who's the Boss and Charmed, so I figured I’d give it a shot. I probably should’ve known what I was in for, considering the title.

What struck me wasn’t just the drama—it was the normalization of infidelity. Cheating, lying, betraying trust—it’s portrayed like just another storyline. And maybe that’s what got to me: how common it seems, how socially acceptable it’s become to cheat on your spouse.

In college, I took a History of Television class (I was a TV/Film Production major for a bit), and one thing that stuck with me is this: TV never leads culture—it reflects it. Society sets the tone, and television follows. The first interracial kiss, the first same-sex kiss—those didn’t happen on-screen until society had evolved enough to handle it without backlash.

So what does it say about us that we’re now comfortable with cheating being a staple of primetime TV?

I'm not naive. I've seen infidelity impact the lives of friends and family—people I love. And maybe it hits deeper for me because my own parents divorced when I was a teenager. That experience shaped how I viewed commitment. For years, I was a runner—serial dating, keeping things surface-level, afraid to go deep because deep meant vulnerable. And vulnerable meant the possibility of being left.

A few years ago, I made a conscious decision: If I was going to settle down, it would be once. I would take the time to become the best version of myself, and I’d choose someone who wanted to build a life with intention—someone who also saw marriage as something sacred, not disposable.

Then I heard this quote from Will Smith, and it stuck with me:

“Divorce can’t be an option – it’s really that simple. If you just remove the option… because, if you have the option, one day that person’s gonna make you wanna divorce.

That’s been a huge part of the success for she and I… We’re like, ‘Listen, we’re gonna be together one way or the other, so might as well try and be happy.’”

That changed everything for me. If you treat divorce as a backup plan, it becomes easier to walk away when things get hard. But if you remove the exit sign and commit to the long haul, you’re more likely to put in the work—together.

I understand some people say, “We just grew apart” or “It didn’t work out.” I’m not judging anyone’s journey. But I do believe that if you take your time—really take your time—to get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll make a more grounded, conscious choice. Maybe that’s the benefit of marrying a little later, once the fog of youth and fantasy has lifted and you really know what you need.

Maybe I’m in my own little world with this mindset. But then I ask:
Why even get married… if divorce is always an option?

Where did all of this positive thinking come from...

I believe change starts with a realization—a moment where you admit to yourself that something needs to shift. I’ve always considered myself a positive thinker, but looking back to about 8 or 9 months ago, I wasn’t truly content. Sure, I had great friends, a solid support system, and a social calendar that kept me busy, but something was missing.

Since college, I’ve dealt with bouts of depression. I always refused medication, telling myself I could push through it—and for the most part, I did. But every now and then, a trigger would send me spiraling. I remember days when I couldn’t get out of bed, when the darkness felt easier than facing the world, and all the painful things that came with it.

I don’t quite remember the exact order of events that led to my transformation, but I know it started with a rejection. I had been casually dating someone, and when it didn’t work out, I unraveled. It wasn’t the guy or the relationship that broke me—it was the feeling of abandonment. It cracked open wounds that had been quietly building.

After crying uncontrollably and struggling just to breathe, I told myself, I never want to feel this way again.

Shortly after, I went to a meeting and watched the movie The Secret. That changed everything. I started seeing the connection between my thoughts and my emotional well-being. Negative thinking had gotten me to that dark place—and I made the decision to start living differently.

I made a vision board. I wrote affirmations on index cards and kept them by my bed—reminders of the life I wanted to create. One of the cards said I wanted a long-term, prosperous relationship. Just a day or two later, I heard from someone I had dated two years prior who had made a big impact on me. The most amazing part? He, too, had read The Secret and The Power of Now. We reconnected over our shared journey toward positive thinking—and those conversations continue to this day. He is now my boyfriend of six months, and I am hopelessly in love.

A few months later, I started going to church with him. What surprised me most was how much the Bible mirrored the same ideals I had been learning. Negative thoughts? That’s the enemy trying to steal your joy. The Bible teaches gratitude, joy, and faithful thinking. I realized I could ground my positivity in something even deeper—faith.

Now, I strive to be a light for others. Whether we’re close or not, I want my energy to inspire others to believe in better days. As the amazing Janet Perez Eckles once said, “Let your purpose be to inspire.” That’s what I aim to do.

I know that as long as I stay on this path—rooted in positivity, grounded in faith—I won’t ever return to that dark place. And if I can help someone else along the way, then that, to me, is everything.

Is there such thing as "The One"?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve found myself pondering the idea of “The One.” Does this person actually exist—or is it a concept planted in our minds by romantic comedies and Disney movies? Is it even plausible to believe that out of 3 to 5 billion people in the world, one person is perfectly made for you?

After asking around—friends, coworkers, even people in their early twenties—I’ve come to believe that maybe “The One” isn’t a predestined soulmate but someone who enters your life at the right time, in the right place, and fits who you are in that moment. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason, and maybe love is no different.

Maybe this person isn’t perfect. But they’re perfect for you. At least for the version of you that exists when your paths cross.

And let’s be real—after the butterflies fade and reality sets in, that’s when the real relationship begins. Communication becomes the glue. I read recently that if you truly want to build a lasting relationship, you need to be able to talk about anything. I think this is where most relationships break down—people hold back. There’s a fear of exposing a darker part of ourselves or rocking the boat, but those hidden corners turn into walls.

I’ve made a real effort to be open about my feelings, even if it’s uncomfortable. Because let’s face it—your partner is not a mind reader. Especially if that partner is a man. (Ladies, I know it’s hard, but it’s true.) Men are generally straightforward: if they want something, they go for it. If they don’t, they won’t. There’s no secret code. We’re the ones reading between invisible lines.

Actions. Speak. Louder. Than. Words.

So, back to my original question—do I believe in “The One”?
Maybe not in the Hollywood sense. But I do believe in the right person at the right time. There are at least three people I’ve dated who, at different times in my life, I truly believed I could settle down with. But it just didn’t align.

I’m still a hopeless romantic, though. I believe that when the time is right, someone will walk into my life—and the chemistry, timing, and communication will all click into place.

The Millenia Man: Can He Handle a Woman Who Has It All?

Last night, a good friend of mine sent me an article from Cosmo titled “The Only Kind of Man Worth Marrying.” It dove into the idea of the “50/50” man—a guy who genuinely supports the corporate woman and sees her success as a win for the team, not a threat.

Growing up, I struggled with the idea of “having it all.” Could I really have a career and a family and my sanity? I mean, I was raised in a slightly old-school Puerto Rican household where women were expected to handle all things domestic. I still remember my grandmother telling me I’d never find a husband if I didn’t know how to iron. (Plot twist: I still don’t iron, and I’m doing just fine, thanks.)

But this article said something that hit me: “A woman can have it all if she doesn’t have to do it all.” Blasphemy? Maybe to abuela. But to me? Pure gold.

Apparently, the modern “Millenia Man” (let’s call him MM) is all about challenging outdated gender norms. He doesn’t mind scrubbing dishes, sharing kid duty, or supporting your dream to be VP of the company—or launch your own. He’s evolved past the "bring me a plate, woman" mentality, and honestly, it’s about time.

The shift comes from how Millennials were raised. Many of our parents struggled with blurred gender roles as women started working more and men didn’t quite know what to do with that shift. But today, more men are stepping up and saying, “Let’s do this together.”

And I’m here for it.

I’ve always said I want a partnership, not a dictatorship. A relationship should be 50/50—whether it’s splitting bills or folding laundry. Turns out, my expectations weren’t unrealistic. I was just waiting for society to catch up.

That said, beware of the fake woke man. He talks a big game about being progressive, but throws a tantrum if you say you’re working late or don’t feel like cooking dinner. Watch the reactions, not just the words.

Here’s my advice:
If the person you’re with makes you a better version of yourself, keep him.
If he drains you or makes you shrink, toss him like last season’s skinny jeans.

You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You deserve someone who claps when you win and grabs a mop when the kitchen’s messy.

What’s Your Last Name Again? Yeah... That Matters.

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You really don’t know a person until you know, ummm… their last name?

Recently, a good friend of mine decided to dive into the online dating world after a pretty traumatizing breakup. I gently warned her that she might not be ready for dating just yet, so I suggested she try a free dating site—just to get her feet wet. Little did I know, she was about to get a crash course in dating red flags.

One day, she showed me a picture of a guy she had just started talking to. According to her, he was the whole package—into sports, had a son, sexy voice, the works. I was skeptical from the beginning. Something about the whole thing felt... off. Especially when he asked her to meet him at his job—a busy restaurant in Winter Park.

That Saturday, I tagged along. I figured, if nothing else, I’d get to scope out this guy and maybe score a few freebies. We sat at the bar and she nervously texted him that she was there. It was honestly adorable—she looked like a giddy schoolgirl. And when he finally walked by, she lit up. “He looks so much better in person!” she whispered.

He passed by a few more times, and eventually invited us to join him at a bar later. A friend of mine joined too—because let’s be honest, I wasn’t trying to third wheel all night. We didn’t exactly get the VIP hookup at the restaurant, but hey, there was a discount. (Side note: If a guy invites you somewhere, he should at least offer to pay. Just sayin’.)

After that night, the two of them kept talking. They made plans for lunch the following week, then a Saturday night out. At some point, she casually asked him, “Hey, I don’t even know your last name.” He paused for a second, then replied, “Fernandez.”

Cool. All good, right?

Fast forward to Saturday night—we were downtown with some of my old college friends. She peeled off to meet up with her “Fernandez” for drinks. As they ordered, the bartender asked for a name to put the tab under. His response? “Lopez.”

LOPEZ???

Yeah. Huge red flag. Naturally, we did what any self-respecting woman in 2020-something would do—we Googled him. And girl, the mugshot came up like a horror story. Along with multiple domestic violence charges.

Once he realized she heard him drop the wrong last name, he conveniently disappeared. Poof. Gone.

All I can say is—some men in the dating world are just not datable. Check the receipts, ladies. That last name might tell you everything you need to know.

The Blogger Reply: Sit On Your Salute and Rotate

Recently, I ended a friendship with someone who I was dating on and off for a few years.  I guess he took it harder than I did because he wrote his own special salute to me you can find here.  I would like to say. He can sit on his salute and rotate. :-)  First and foremost,  how can a man be understood when their blogs contradict what they say in person?  You write how you want to settle down, but at the same time, you're not sure what you want.  I sincerely believe, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else. Second, I was not trying to get into your circle of friends. I was sincerely trying to be nice.  I'm sorry if I wanted to spend time with someone I liked.  If your friends are blind to my actual intentions, that is their fault.  I was merely trying to make a good impression because they are important people to you.  I don't want to offend your friends but if you're going to justify my actions by allowing them to make an impression on your decision to get rid of me finally, then so be it.

You are one of the most selfish and flaky people I have ever met.  The world does not revolve around you.  I'm well aware you fly at all times of the day but let me say something, if you want to be with someone, you will make time for them.  I had an ex in Afghanistan who bought a cell phone to call me.  I also have a good friend who is doing his MBA, working full time and is on the executive board of a local chapter of a national organization who just got engaged to an amazing person.  What does that tell you?  You weren't that into me in the first place.

Finally, yes, I deleted you from FB because only a week prior you were telling me how amazing I was and that you wanted to spend time with me.  I took you to work, and we made plans to hang out when you came back.  You didn't even take into consideration that my best friend asked to hang out with me, but because I made arrangements with you, I turned her down until I had to contact you that same day to see whether we still had plans.  I didn't hear from you until 10 PM that night.  Then two days later, you were "in a relationship" on FB.  WTH.  If it were any sane girl in the world, they would have done the same thing.

Bottom line, you have and always will be selfish and inconsiderate.  Until you figure out how to fix your faults, you will be alone or with someone willing to put up with your BS.

I really hope to bump into you so I can smile at you.  :-D  Nothing is better than killing someone with kindness. :-)

Men vs. Boys: The Difference is in the Delivery

I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday about possibly moving to a new city—somewhere with more opportunities, more things to do, and maybe even better odds at finding love. My experience dating in Orlando has been… exhausting. I don’t know if it’s the city or the kind of men I attract, but I seem to keep finding what my friend calls “boys.”

About a month ago, I met someone in his 40s at a professional conference. He was established, confident, and surrounded by other like-minded adults who had their lives together. And that day, he made it clear—he wanted me. The whole experience opened my eyes to not only new opportunities, but also a new standard for how I should be treated.

Here’s the biggest difference:
👉🏽 Men know what they want and aren’t afraid to say it.
👉🏽 Boys want to play games.

Recently, I reconnected with someone I used to date (yes, I know… masochist tendencies). We hung out a couple of times, and he hit me with, “You’re amazing, we should get married.” And silly me—I thought he meant it.

Then this morning, I open Facebook and BAM—he’s in a relationship. Not with me, obviously. WTFreak?! Man up. If you’re seeing someone else, just say that. I promise I won’t be mad—I’m not that girl. I’ll respect you way more for your honesty than for hiding behind your relationship status like I wouldn’t find out.

If I have enough confidence as a woman to tell someone they’re not for me, then I expect the same integrity in return. Yes, I’m outspoken. Yes, I don’t tolerate BS. And yes, I speak my mind. But those are the very traits that build strong relationships. There’s no mystery here—I know that honesty is the foundation of something real. (Unless, of course, you’re keeping secrets because you’re planning to surprise me with jewelry. Then, carry on. 😏)

At the end of the day, the key to a great relationship is communication. Be real. Be clear. Be a man.

Downtown Duesche

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There’s a certain breed of guy I absolutely despise: the Downtown Douche. You know the type—lives downtown, is always out, and forever on the hunt. Last week, out of sheer boredom, I texted someone I’d been talking to on and off. I had a feeling he was cocky, so I’d been dodging the meetup, but he invited me to a familiar bar where I know the manager. I figured, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Well.

When I arrived, I didn’t see him right away. I waited at the bar for ten minutes before realizing he’d been sitting behind me the whole time. Great start. He walked me over to his table, offered a drink (vodka tonic, naturally), and a shot. And then came the usual: “You’re so hot.” Sigh. He casually mentioned he lived downtown, and I joked, “Well at least you don’t have to drive.” That’s when the hands started. Everywhere.

He leaned in and said I should just go home with him—because I was drinking. Excuse me? If there’s one rule I live by, it’s this: never go home with a guy on the first night. That’s how you end up with a one-night stand and a blocked number.

He kept going on about his apartment, his view, his car—like I cared. I wasn’t impressed. I need connection, humor, something to keep my attention. Honestly, my ADD was about to kick in. If a bunny rabbit had run across the bar, I would’ve chased it just to escape the conversation.

Eventually, he asked what I thought of him. I told him the truth: You come off like an asshole. He smirked, then told me I was probably insecure—because I was people-watching. Yep, he really said that. I was floored. He left for the bathroom and his very conveniently placed wingman slid into the seat next to me. I knew what was happening.

When Mr. Downtown came back, he didn’t even look at me. He was flirting with another girl at the bar. So I leaned into his friend, said I had to use the bathroom (lie), and walked straight out the front door.

Here’s the thing: this kind of guy isn’t looking for connection. He’s looking for someone naïve enough to fall for his flash. The condo, the cocktails, the charm—all designed to get you into his bed. He won’t ask about your day, your passions, or your dreams. He’s not interested in you.

I texted him later, just to see if I was right: “I left because it felt like you just wanted to get laid.”
He replied: “Yes.”
Case closed.

The Bounce Back Lover

I cannot count the number of old lovers who come crawling out of the woodwork after time has passed. Seriously, it’s like a theme in my life. I’ve always believed in second chances—if I didn’t, I would’ve never gotten engaged. But then again, an ex is an ex for a reason, right?

I’m not sure if all these cliché sayings are actually true, but one thing’s for sure: they keep coming back.

I bring this up because I was watching What’s Your Number over the weekend. Yes, it’s a cheesy chick flick, but I’m a sucker for a sappy love story with a little comedy thrown in. If you haven’t seen it, the main character (Anna Faris) decides to track down all of her exes so she doesn’t go over her “number,” all while falling for her hot neighbor. It’s lighthearted and ridiculous, but somehow, it hit home.

Why? Because someone I had dated earlier this month—who ghosted me—decided to text me out of nowhere. I know, not exactly the same plotline, but the timing was oddly fitting. A part of me wanted to hear him out, but I also couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment from before. So, I thanked him for the apology and left it at that.

I don’t know what it is that makes these guys come back. Maybe I’m just that amazing. (Totally possible. 😌) But I also can’t help wondering—what made them leave in the first place? Maybe they weren’t ready for something real. Maybe someone else dumped them and now they want comfort. Or maybe they just remembered how good they had it.

I’ll never knock the idea of second chances—but I’m also not here for history repeating itself. One of my favorite sayings still stands:
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Being in “Like”: The Bittersweet Start of Something New

Meeting someone you might actually like — and I mean really like — is such a bittersweet kind of magic. I don’t know about you, but I swear I start to morph into a different version of myself. My dating profile? Collecting dust. The flirty texts from lingering maybe-lovers? Left on read. Nights out? Replaced by staying in and wondering what if.

It’s wild how quickly I feel this pull to be loyal to someone I barely even know. But honestly, I wouldn't want to mess up a good thing before it has a chance to bloom. Even when there’s no official commitment, I find myself emotionally investing in the potential.

I have a friend — let’s call him an old flame with bestie energy — who always seems to know when I disappear off the dating radar. The minute I go MIA, he hits me with, “So who is he?” And nine times out of ten, he’s right. Although sometimes, I’m just too tired to swipe and too sober to text anyone I shouldn’t. (Married guy friends who double as late-night pep talkers? Yeah, that’s a whole other post.)

There’s something undeniably electric about this early “getting to know you” phase. It’s like the honeymoon stage before the actual honeymoon stage — full of hope, butterflies, and a sprinkle of delusion. I find myself hoping every buzz on my phone is him. And when it’s not? Slight heartbreak. Micro-disappointment. Cue the inner teenage girl drama.

I’ve been told I’ve got control over pretty much every other area of my life, but when it comes to relationships? Hot mess express. And honestly, it’s true. My Gemini nature wants to dive headfirst into all the feels, all the what-ifs, all the late-night conversations and future daydreams. But then, I have to remind myself: breathe. Be cool. Be a lady.

(Well… a lady who can still laugh at the absurdity of it all.)