Men vs. Boys: The Difference is in the Delivery

I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday about possibly moving to a new city—somewhere with more opportunities, more things to do, and maybe even better odds at finding love. My experience dating in Orlando has been… exhausting. I don’t know if it’s the city or the kind of men I attract, but I seem to keep finding what my friend calls “boys.”

About a month ago, I met someone in his 40s at a professional conference. He was established, confident, and surrounded by other like-minded adults who had their lives together. And that day, he made it clear—he wanted me. The whole experience opened my eyes to not only new opportunities, but also a new standard for how I should be treated.

Here’s the biggest difference:
👉🏽 Men know what they want and aren’t afraid to say it.
👉🏽 Boys want to play games.

Recently, I reconnected with someone I used to date (yes, I know… masochist tendencies). We hung out a couple of times, and he hit me with, “You’re amazing, we should get married.” And silly me—I thought he meant it.

Then this morning, I open Facebook and BAM—he’s in a relationship. Not with me, obviously. WTFreak?! Man up. If you’re seeing someone else, just say that. I promise I won’t be mad—I’m not that girl. I’ll respect you way more for your honesty than for hiding behind your relationship status like I wouldn’t find out.

If I have enough confidence as a woman to tell someone they’re not for me, then I expect the same integrity in return. Yes, I’m outspoken. Yes, I don’t tolerate BS. And yes, I speak my mind. But those are the very traits that build strong relationships. There’s no mystery here—I know that honesty is the foundation of something real. (Unless, of course, you’re keeping secrets because you’re planning to surprise me with jewelry. Then, carry on. 😏)

At the end of the day, the key to a great relationship is communication. Be real. Be clear. Be a man.

Downtown Duesche

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There’s a certain breed of guy I absolutely despise: the Downtown Douche. You know the type—lives downtown, is always out, and forever on the hunt. Last week, out of sheer boredom, I texted someone I’d been talking to on and off. I had a feeling he was cocky, so I’d been dodging the meetup, but he invited me to a familiar bar where I know the manager. I figured, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Well.

When I arrived, I didn’t see him right away. I waited at the bar for ten minutes before realizing he’d been sitting behind me the whole time. Great start. He walked me over to his table, offered a drink (vodka tonic, naturally), and a shot. And then came the usual: “You’re so hot.” Sigh. He casually mentioned he lived downtown, and I joked, “Well at least you don’t have to drive.” That’s when the hands started. Everywhere.

He leaned in and said I should just go home with him—because I was drinking. Excuse me? If there’s one rule I live by, it’s this: never go home with a guy on the first night. That’s how you end up with a one-night stand and a blocked number.

He kept going on about his apartment, his view, his car—like I cared. I wasn’t impressed. I need connection, humor, something to keep my attention. Honestly, my ADD was about to kick in. If a bunny rabbit had run across the bar, I would’ve chased it just to escape the conversation.

Eventually, he asked what I thought of him. I told him the truth: You come off like an asshole. He smirked, then told me I was probably insecure—because I was people-watching. Yep, he really said that. I was floored. He left for the bathroom and his very conveniently placed wingman slid into the seat next to me. I knew what was happening.

When Mr. Downtown came back, he didn’t even look at me. He was flirting with another girl at the bar. So I leaned into his friend, said I had to use the bathroom (lie), and walked straight out the front door.

Here’s the thing: this kind of guy isn’t looking for connection. He’s looking for someone naïve enough to fall for his flash. The condo, the cocktails, the charm—all designed to get you into his bed. He won’t ask about your day, your passions, or your dreams. He’s not interested in you.

I texted him later, just to see if I was right: “I left because it felt like you just wanted to get laid.”
He replied: “Yes.”
Case closed.

The Bounce Back Lover

I cannot count the number of old lovers who come crawling out of the woodwork after time has passed. Seriously, it’s like a theme in my life. I’ve always believed in second chances—if I didn’t, I would’ve never gotten engaged. But then again, an ex is an ex for a reason, right?

I’m not sure if all these cliché sayings are actually true, but one thing’s for sure: they keep coming back.

I bring this up because I was watching What’s Your Number over the weekend. Yes, it’s a cheesy chick flick, but I’m a sucker for a sappy love story with a little comedy thrown in. If you haven’t seen it, the main character (Anna Faris) decides to track down all of her exes so she doesn’t go over her “number,” all while falling for her hot neighbor. It’s lighthearted and ridiculous, but somehow, it hit home.

Why? Because someone I had dated earlier this month—who ghosted me—decided to text me out of nowhere. I know, not exactly the same plotline, but the timing was oddly fitting. A part of me wanted to hear him out, but I also couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment from before. So, I thanked him for the apology and left it at that.

I don’t know what it is that makes these guys come back. Maybe I’m just that amazing. (Totally possible. 😌) But I also can’t help wondering—what made them leave in the first place? Maybe they weren’t ready for something real. Maybe someone else dumped them and now they want comfort. Or maybe they just remembered how good they had it.

I’ll never knock the idea of second chances—but I’m also not here for history repeating itself. One of my favorite sayings still stands:
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Being in “Like”: The Bittersweet Start of Something New

Meeting someone you might actually like — and I mean really like — is such a bittersweet kind of magic. I don’t know about you, but I swear I start to morph into a different version of myself. My dating profile? Collecting dust. The flirty texts from lingering maybe-lovers? Left on read. Nights out? Replaced by staying in and wondering what if.

It’s wild how quickly I feel this pull to be loyal to someone I barely even know. But honestly, I wouldn't want to mess up a good thing before it has a chance to bloom. Even when there’s no official commitment, I find myself emotionally investing in the potential.

I have a friend — let’s call him an old flame with bestie energy — who always seems to know when I disappear off the dating radar. The minute I go MIA, he hits me with, “So who is he?” And nine times out of ten, he’s right. Although sometimes, I’m just too tired to swipe and too sober to text anyone I shouldn’t. (Married guy friends who double as late-night pep talkers? Yeah, that’s a whole other post.)

There’s something undeniably electric about this early “getting to know you” phase. It’s like the honeymoon stage before the actual honeymoon stage — full of hope, butterflies, and a sprinkle of delusion. I find myself hoping every buzz on my phone is him. And when it’s not? Slight heartbreak. Micro-disappointment. Cue the inner teenage girl drama.

I’ve been told I’ve got control over pretty much every other area of my life, but when it comes to relationships? Hot mess express. And honestly, it’s true. My Gemini nature wants to dive headfirst into all the feels, all the what-ifs, all the late-night conversations and future daydreams. But then, I have to remind myself: breathe. Be cool. Be a lady.

(Well… a lady who can still laugh at the absurdity of it all.)

Dating 101: Surviving (and Thriving) in the World of Online Dating

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I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been in the online dating game since I was 17 — yep, back in the AOL chat room days. Fun fact: my senior prom date was someone I met in one of those very chat rooms. Long story short, my original date flaked last minute, and I had to scramble for a replacement. Shoutout to dial-up love.

Since then, I’ve racked up quite a few dates, phone calls, text threads, and “what was I thinking?” moments. So I figured it was time to share some pearls of wisdom for anyone venturing into the wild, weird, and sometimes wonderful world of online dating.

1. Use a Variety of Photos (Close-Ups and Full Body)

Let’s be real — no one wants surprises when it comes to appearances. That doesn’t mean you need to look like a model, but show you. No catfishing, no filters from 2006, and no pretending you’re 30 when you’re clearly 50. If you're not comfortable in your own skin yet, work on that first — because how can someone else love you if you don't even like yourself?

2. Less Is More (Seriously)

You don’t need to write your life story in your profile. Save a little mystery! A great profile should be short, sweet, and to the point. Highlight your vibe, what you love, and what you’re looking for. Ten sentences, max. Need inspo? Here's one of mine:

“I’m a goal-oriented, motivated Latina who loves to learn and laugh. I’ve been told I’m super laid-back and easy to get along with. I live for salsa dancing and surround myself with good vibes only. I’m a social butterfly who loves staying busy — life’s more fun that way. Looking for someone who’s confident, funny, emotionally available, and isn’t afraid to communicate. Bonus points if you love sports (GO GATORS and GO GIANTS!). Chivalry is not dead in my world.”

3. Trust Your Comfort Level

Some people online can be pushy. Don’t give your number to someone who gives you weird vibes. When you feel like someone’s genuinely putting in the effort — good conversation, respectful approach — that’s when you can consider exchanging digits. And don’t feel bad about taking your time. The right guy will respect your pace. Pro tip: if all he says is “hi” or “what’s up?” — keep it moving.

4. First Meetings = Public Places. Always.

This is not optional. No matter how charming someone seems, do not invite him to your home or go to his. Meet somewhere public where there are other people — it’s safer and you’ll feel more relaxed. Also, let a friend know where you’re going and check in after. Better safe than sorry!

5. Escape Plan (Optional… but Highly Recommended)

Sometimes dates go south fast. It’s okay to set up a “rescue call” from a friend about 30 minutes into your date. If you need an out, just answer with, “I don’t usually take calls, but this one might be important.” Then decide if you need to dip. Zero shame.

6. Be Yourself

Confidence is magnetic. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who laughs freely and owns her truth. If the date doesn’t work out, cool. There are plenty more fish in the sea (and some of them are actually worth catching).

I hope these tips help you feel a little more empowered as you navigate online dating. Got questions? Hit me up — clearly, I blog about this because I know a thing or two.

That Je Ne Sais Quoi

Over the past few weeks, I've been on several dates. And for some reason… the chemistry was painfully MIA. I find it fascinating — almost comical — that I only seem to click with the men who are completely wrong for me. You know the type: emotionally unavailable, a resume full of red flags, or a starting lineup of kids and baby mamas. Maybe I have a thing for the unattainable… or maybe I just lose interest when a guy is too available.

Truth be told, I want to like the men with good jobs, stable lives, and a five-year plan that doesn’t involve chaos. They’re not unattractive, just… blah. There’s no spark, no vibe, no je ne sais quoi. It’s frustrating because finding a man with both personality and relationship goals feels like hunting for a unicorn in a sea of gym selfies and “looking for fun” bios.

Sometimes I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City — “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!”

Lately, I’m wondering if I’ve just gotten so used to the act of dating that I’ve forgotten how to be in a relationship. Most of my coupled-up friends didn’t go on a million dates — things just happened. Meanwhile, I’m stuck wondering if I’m dating out of genuine interest… or just to break up the monotony (and collect material for more bad date stories).

Either way, it’s exhausting. Is it too much to ask for a little chemistry and a little stability in one package?

So what I want what I want!

After my last relationship attempt fell apart so spectacularly, it took almost a year to recover. Only in the past six months have I even been able to consider opening my heart to someone new. And while I’m finally ready to be in a relationship, that doesn’t mean I’ll fall for the first guy who makes me laugh.

This isn’t arrogance—it’s self-worth.

I’m an independent, self-sufficient, intelligent woman. Yes, I was raised in a Puerto Rican household where women were often expected to be nurturing and domesticated. But I’m also Americanized enough to know I will not be taken for granted. That dynamic just doesn’t work for me. No offense to women who embrace traditional roles—respectfully, it’s just not my path.

Recently, I spent time with someone I genuinely enjoyed being around. He made me laugh, and the chemistry was there. But his immaturity was impossible to overlook. I won’t go into detail out of fairness to him, but I’ll say this: I’m not your sugar mama, and you don’t get to treat me like a girlfriend while reminding me you “don’t want a relationship.” You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

At this stage in my life, I’m not looking for practice—I’m looking for partnership. I want my next relationship to be better than my last. And yes, I’m picky, because I should be. Every woman deserves someone who values her, respects her, and treats her like the queen she is.

I know what I want—and I’m not ashamed of that.

Hey Guys! This Is Tom: When Introducing Someone You're Dating Goes Awkwardly Wrong

I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets a surge of anxiety when introducing someone I’m dating to my friends — but it hits me every single time. Most of my friends think I’m dramatic for putting so much pressure on that moment, but I can’t help it. I genuinely care about everyone’s well-being and want harmony across the board.

Since I’ve never been especially close with my family, my friends are everything — they fill those emotional gaps and are often the first people I turn to when I need support. So yes, getting their stamp of approval on someone I’m seeing is super duper important.

A few months ago, a friend I used to date insisted on coming to visit me. I was hesitant — most of our conversations end in arguments — but because I’m annoyingly nice, I said yes. Coincidentally, one of my friends was having a birthday dinner that same weekend, and I didn’t want to miss it. So, I figured I’d just bring him along. Spoiler alert: I should’ve gone solo.

I picked him up from the train station. He practically leapt on me, and right then, I realized… OMG. I am so not into him like I used to be. I panicked a little inside but played it cool. I dropped him off at my apartment so I could finish up at work.

When I got back, he tried to kiss me again. Nope. I pushed him away gently, and we got ready for dinner. What I had forgotten — and this becomes important — is that he can’t hear out of one ear.

At the restaurant, I greeted everyone and waited for my best girlfriend, her husband, and another good friend to show up. Now, let me explain something: my best friend’s husband is very protective of me — think big brother vibes. When I introduce him to someone I’m dating, he usually doesn’t say much until he sees if they’re going to stick around. Smart man.

So we sit down… and “Tom” won’t stop talking. Like, at all. My friends try to ask him questions, but because of his hearing issue, he doesn’t catch them. Cue the awkward silence and confused glances.

I could feel the secondhand embarrassment radiating off my friends. I knew right then: I wasn’t going to live this night down. And spoiler again: I haven’t.

I’ll spare you the details of the rest of the night, but let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the kindest version of myself. It’s like my embarrassment turned into petty coldness. Not my proudest moment, but hey — sometimes your gut reaction is your loudest truth.

After that weekend, I made a new rule for myself: not everyone you’re dating needs to meet your friends right away. Sometimes, it’s better to give things time before merging worlds. If a guy’s not someone I can confidently bring around without stress, I’ll gladly sacrifice a couple nights out to avoid reliving The Tom Situation.

Men Can Be So Selfish!

This isn’t advice.
This isn’t a love story.
This is a full-on rant from a woman who is tired.

Tired of being told to play the role—
Be mysterious. Be demure. Be “ladylike.”
Play hard to get so maybe he’ll actually notice you.

Meanwhile, he’s out there doing whatever he wants—hanging out with friends, spending time with family, swiping through dating apps, or changing his profile picture like it’s a job. And you? You’re stuck analyzing every little thing, wondering where you stand, waiting for him to maybe make you feel seen.

I get it—testosterone, independence, blah blah blah.
But let’s be real… it’s not a hormone thing. It’s a respect thing.

All I’m Asking For Is Honesty

If you’re seeing someone else, just say it.
If your night is booked with family or friends, I’ll respect that—just don’t ghost me or feed me crumbs of attention while pretending you’re “busy.”

Because here’s the thing:
If you’re truly interested in someone, you make time. You prioritize them. You don’t make them feel like a backup plan or an option.

Women—especially good women—deserve clarity.
We deserve honesty.
We deserve to feel like we matter.

Stop Playing with Hearts

And don’t even get me started on online dating.
You’re changing your default photo every other day and suddenly disappearing off the face of the Earth?
Let me guess—you’re on a date with someone else.
Cool. Just own it. Don’t lead someone on when you’re still playing the field.

Know Your Worth, Ladies

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
Every woman has worth.
And a good woman deserves more than mixed signals and last-minute texts.

So for the love of all that is sacred, keep your one-eyed monsters in check, gentlemen.
And if you're not ready for something real?
Don’t waste our time.