What did I say?

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been conducting a little experiment: diving back into the free online dating pool (no, I won’t say which site, but let’s just say you know it). A friend of mine swears he’s had success there… but to be fair, he dates everyone he’s remotely interested in and keeps a log of who might get a second date. So, not exactly the same approach I’m going for.

What I’ve found is this site is full of insecure men on the hunt for Ms. Right Now. I’ve heard horror stories about crazy women with multiple baby daddies, stalkers, and other chaos — and maybe, just maybe, I seem like the most normal person they've come across in a while. Lucky me?

A few weeks ago, I started chatting with someone who seemed promising at first. That is, until he mentioned he didn’t have a car. I made a small comment that it wasn’t a plus — not a dealbreaker, but definitely not ideal — and suddenly I was labeled superficial. Um, what?! I clarified that not having a car wasn’t the end of the world, and we kept chatting.

Then he asked if I wanted to hang out with his friends on a Thursday. I have a few personal rules for online dating (which I’ll share in another post), and one of them is not meeting a guy’s friends before I even know if I like him. Also… it was a school night. No thanks. He asked for my number, I gave it, and 30 minutes later (right around my bedtime), he texted. I told him I was about to knock out, and he replied with, “You’ll probably never text me again.”

Yuck. That level of insecurity is exhausting.

Insecure men need constant reassurance — that they’re amazing, that their situation is okay, that you’re not judging them. It’s draining. What’s more frustrating is that these are often the same guys whose profiles scream ego: dismissing women with kids, no degrees, no teeth (yes, really). But here’s the truth — as I get older, I’m learning that no one checks every box. And that’s okay.

I remember reading Become Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger. She recommends writing down 10 “must-haves” and 5 “non-negotiables.” Everything else? Fair game. That mindset’s helped me open up a little. Be positive. You get more bees with honey… or whatever that saying is.

Whenever I write blogs like this, I think of my friend who swears I quote him all the time. He says, “Being with someone just depends on how much crazy you’re willing to deal with at the end of the day.” Facts.

Honestly, I’ve done this dating app thing before — I get tired of the weirdos, the clingy ones, and the guys with zero chemistry. I close the account and take a break. That time might be coming again. Besides, football season is right around the corner. Who has time to date when there’s tailgating to do?

Catch me again in spring. 😉