The Blog Is Back—Because I Am, Too

I want to do this while it’s still fresh.

I’ve spent the last few days editing all my previous blog posts—reading through the seasons of my life when I was single and when I was married. It’s been an emotional excavation. What prompted me to bring this blog back to life was a comment someone left on an old post. I had hidden the blog pages, but somehow they were still accessible through SEO searches. That comment stirred something in me, waking up a voice I thought had gone quiet.

Since then, I’ve been working on two books based on my life experiences. I needed a space to speak freely, to process what I’ve lived and what I’m still learning—something outside of the structured chapters of a book. I’ll get into more detail about both projects through upcoming blogs, but for now, just know: this relaunch isn’t random. It’s a reclaiming.

What I Thought I Knew About Marriage

The last blog I wrote before pausing was around 2018. A lot has happened. Ironically, one of my final entries was about how dangerous it is to casually bring up divorce in a relationship. At the time, I believed that speaking it into existence could make it real. Because no one goes into a marriage thinking they’ll get divorced.

I saw red flags before the wedding. But the promises made in front of our family and friends gave me hope. I truly wanted to believe this was it. That I could sacrifice passion and sexual desire for stability. I convinced myself that no one has all the qualities you want—and maybe I could live without being desired. I was wrong.

Before we got married, I went on a bachelorette cruise. I met a pastor—yes, a literal pastor—and we had deep conversations about my fear of getting married. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me to get out. But I felt too far gone. Everything was booked. The dress, the venue, the invites. I couldn’t imagine starting over.

The moment that haunted me was when he touched my chin and I flinched.

My ex had told me he wasn’t attracted to the hair on my face. I’d had it lasered off, but with PCOS, it came back. Hirsutism is one of the many symptoms. I knew then that my husband didn’t make me feel beautiful. I was the one pursuing intimacy during our marriage, and that should’ve told me everything.

Finding Myself Again

Reading those old posts, I saw how bold and alive I once was—especially before marriage. I came on strong, sure. But that boldness came from a deep desire to not settle and to claim what I wanted. Looking back, it was also fueled by unhealed abandonment wounds and trauma from my early twenties. Wounds I’ll talk more about soon.

In 2019, I started therapy with a practitioner who uses A.R.T. (Accelerated Resolution Therapy), and it changed my life. I began unpacking the parts of myself I had buried so deeply I didn’t even realize how much they were affecting me.

My need for validation stemmed from having control taken from me during that early trauma. I tried to reclaim power in uncomfortable ways, thinking it would make me feel safe. What I’ve learned since is that I deserve to be loved, valued, and treated like the amazing soul I am. (And by the way—so do you.)

What Healing Has Taught Me

My therapist, Renee, often says that when you begin to heal, you start to see the brokenness in others more clearly. That became painfully true. I started to recognize how much of myself I lost in my marriage—my voice, my confidence, my spark.

I poured so much into meeting my ex-husband’s needs, supporting his passions, hosting his people, tending to our home. But I was left wanting. Yes, I got flowers and the occasional post-it note. But what I craved was connection—the quality time and deep conversations we once had. Instead, our time together was filled with church events, spiritual lectures, and his constant feedback on how I could be a “better Christian.”

This isn’t a post to condemn faith. But one of the books I’m writing exposes how narcissistic pastors and their cult-like influence can seep into intimate relationships. It’s not about painting everyone in the church as manipulative—it’s about naming how my ex used religion to diminish me, while hiding behind it to control me.

From External Validation to Internal Worth

That bottomless need for external validation became dangerous. I had to learn how to validate myself, not rely on a man to do it. And though the healing process is ongoing, I can say with confidence: I’ve changed.

The relationship I’m in now is filling in the cracks that used to feel like canyons. I don’t have to beg to be seen or loved. I’m not waiting to get my needs met—he just meets them. It’s still new, but it feels safe. And that’s something I had long forgotten was possible.

Looking Ahead

I’ve read so many powerful books during this season of growth. I’ve had experiences that redefined what I thought love, healing, and purpose meant. And now that I’ve broken free from that marriage, I’ve had the space to reflect—and even to date again.

Speaking of dating, I just remembered I owe you all a new Bad Date Series installment. (It’s coming, I promise.)

I didn’t want to get back into the dating pool. But in order to save myself from completely losing who I was in that marriage, I had to.

And now… here I am. Back, writing again.