The A.D.D. of Dating in the Age of Technology

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how technology has completely changed the dating game. I mean, only ten years ago, we were counting how many text messages we sent and waiting until after 9 PM to make free phone calls. Facebook wasn’t a thing yet, and most of us were still talking on cordless phones. I had one with the longest extension cord known to man, just so I could stay up talking into the late hours without waking anyone up. That feels like a lifetime ago.

Now? Everything is instant. Texting is unlimited. Everyone has a phone on them 24/7—and no one even talks on it. We text. We DM. We snap. Communication is literally at our fingertips. So how does this shift change how we date?

Back then, the thrill was in the waiting. A girl would run home hoping the guy she liked had left her a message. Now, we carry that anticipation in our pocket... and it’s exhausting. The accessibility has created a new kind of pressure. If we don’t get a reply in 30 minutes, we start to spiral. “Did I say something wrong?” “Is he ghosting me?” “Should I text again?” And with all that noise, the magic of mystery is lost.

We’ve become so addicted to instant gratification—if we don’t know something, we Google it. If we want to connect, we text. If we want to share, we post. But here’s the problem: dating now moves at the speed of a data plan. That once-simmering anticipation? It’s gone. Relationships often burn fast and fizzle just as quickly.

I’ve noticed this pattern in my own dating life. That early stage where you’re getting to know someone? It’s now filled with daily, almost non-stop texting. And let’s be real—sometimes, it’s just too much too fast. There’s no build-up. No time to wonder. Just constant interaction that can blur real feelings with digital noise.

Ladies (and yes, I’m talking to myself here too): if you get annoyed when a guy keeps asking, “Are you okay? Why haven’t you responded?”—flip the mirror. We can be just as guilty. Smothering someone with attention doesn’t make them fall faster. It usually has the opposite effect.

The truth? Less is more. Let someone miss you. Let them think. Let them feel. Don’t confuse texting chemistry with actual connection. Real emotion takes time, space, and silence to grow. I once read that “your emotions are your true thoughts—don’t let your head get in the way.”

So give it a beat. Let it breathe. If it’s meant to be, it won’t need a push notification to remind them of you.