A good friend of mine—“Los” (short for Carlos)—and I have had countless conversations about the two very real types of people you meet in the dating world: commitaphobes and monogamers.

I'll admit it. For a long time, I was a full-blown commitaphobe. There was a moment when I was literally on the verge of marriage and all I could think was: how far can I run before he catches on? I’d date just long enough to enjoy the thrill but not long enough to be vulnerable. For me, leaving was safer than the risk of being left.

Turns out, abandonment issues have a funny way of shaping your love life.

Then I met “The Comedian.”

And wouldn’t you know it? He was a textbook monogamer. What’s a monogamer, you ask? It’s someone who’s pretty much always in a relationship. My younger sister is one too—rarely single, always in love, thriving in companionship. Same with my fiancé. He loves being in love.

When I met him, I couldn’t help but wonder: What makes me different from the others? Was I just another long-term situation waiting to fizzle?

I knew I had to be honest from day one. I told him straight up: I’m not dating for the sake of dating. I only do real. And surprisingly… so did he. We had this magnetic pull—maybe it was chemistry, maybe it was divine timing, maybe it was the law of attraction finally giving me what I’d been asking for.

Whatever it was, it changed me.

There was a shift inside me when I met The Comedian. I knew it would take someone truly special for me to finally stay. He’s my Mr. Big. (My ex? Total Aidan. Too nice. Too stable. Too easy to run from.)

relationships, love, dating, the comedian

Over the years, I’ve encountered both monogamers and commitaphobes—and yeah, I’ll admit it: I kind of loved the chase. The guys who were hard to get? That was my jam. The ones who made it too easy? Yawn. I’d bolt the other way. Something about the drama, the tension, the unhealthy challenge (lol)—I was hooked.

Looking back, it was all part of my very own Sex and the City love story. Carrie Bradshaw said it best:

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

And somehow, a monogamer and a commitaphobe made it work. He brings out the best in me, and I’m learning—slowly, beautifully—how to be vulnerable. He loves me for my heart, and I love him for helping me grow into someone I didn’t think I could be.

If you’re out there searching for love, maybe you’re a runner too. Maybe you’re waiting for someone to convince you to stay. Or maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your version of Mr. Big who makes you stop running and start trusting.

I know I did.

Last night, while chatting with the Comedian, it finally hit me—we have way less in common than I originally thought. And weirdly, that realization didn’t feel bad. In fact, it made me smile. After 2 ½ years together, I’m just now seeing our differences with a bit more clarity.

I’ve always been a social butterfly. I love people. If someone’s sitting next to me, chances are I’ll start a conversation just to cut the awkward silence. You never know what you’ll learn! Just this past weekend, I struck up a convo with someone who brews for Cigar City in Tampa—amazing beer, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Comedian? He’d rather stay home, watch movies, and chill. He accommodates my spontaneous energy, but for him, quiet time reigns supreme. That was a huge adjustment for me at first. My mom used to say I had “ants in my pants,” and she wasn’t wrong. I’m always chasing new experiences. Maybe it’s a little bit of FOMO... who knows?

But here’s the thing: he balances me out. I’m slowly—like sloooowly—learning to enjoy downtime. I’ve developed a real appreciation for those quiet nights on the couch, just the two of us and a good movie. No crowds, no small talk, just comfort.

Despite our differences, we connect deeply on the things that matter. Our humor is strange and sarcastic in the best way, and we share similar goals—when to start a family, what kind of careers we want, how we envision our life together.

The Comedian says something that always sticks with me:

“We spend our 30s fixing all the mistakes we made in our 20s.”

Whew. Truth bomb.

Looking back, my 20s were a rollercoaster. But I’m thankful for the lessons, and more importantly, I’m grateful that growth eventually caught up with me. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s real. Two people who want to live a happy, honest life together. Simple—but powerful.

Oh—and speaking of happy, check out a few pics from this weekend. We had an absolute blast. The 80s really were the best.

Don't be alarmed. This is how we kiss...haha jk

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