Commitaphobes vs Monogamers
A good friend of mine, "Los" (short for Carlos) and I have talked several times about commitephobes and monogamers. Both of them exist in the dating world. I admit, for a long time, I was a commitaphobe. There was a point I was about to get married to someone and I wanted to run so far, he would never find me. I also dated several guys to the point where it was easy to run. This had to do a lot with my abandonment issues. It was easier to leave than to get too close to be vulnerable. I then found my match... "The Comedian". Oddly enough, he was known as a monogamer. So what is a monogamer? That is someone who is always in long term relationships. My younger sister is a monogamer. It is rare that she is out of a relationship for a long period of time. She likes being in relationships and so does my fiance. When I met "The Comedian", I wondered what made me different from the other relationships he had in the past. Would I be another long term relationship that would lead to eventual heartbreak? I think my honesty upfront cleared up a lot of questions. I would not be in a relationship unless I knew it was going to be something real. There was something very different about "The Comedian" and there were other things that kind of put us together like the law of attraction.
There was definitely a change in me when I met him. I knew it had to be a special guy for me to settle down. It was kind of like Carrie and Big. My ex fiance was like Aidan... I knew something was wrong and I ran. "The Comedian" was always my "Mr. Big". He has a big personality and a big heart.
I have come across both monogamers and commitaphobes in my quest for love. I think I also liked the chase of a commitaphobe. Those who made it too easy and they didn't challenge me caused me to want to run the other way. I guess I wanted the "bad boy" in a sense. Someone that was hard to get. Who doesn't like an unhealthy challenge? (haha jk) I think my friends who are married thought I was kind of a nut for these challenges but all in all I was on a quest for something great. My own version of Sex and the City. Carrie says it best,
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.'”
I'm not sure how a monogamer and a commitaphobe got together but it works. He pulls the best out of me and I do all that I can to learn to be vulnerable. I know he loves me for my heart and the ability to continue to grow with him. I made a decision that if I was going to really find love, I would have to let go and that's exactly what I did.