Unnecessary Advice

Last night, I went out with a couple of friends. One of which I had been friends with for a significant amount of time. My current engagement came up in conversation because he is conservative when it comes to my choices in my friendships as my fiance is. Anyhow, initially he felt uncomfortable the fact that I had brought up several references to the fact that he had been belligerent and is a school teacher and I find it ironic because I would have never imagined my teachers living anywhere near a similar lifestyle. So because these references were brought up, he was upset and asked me to be more discreet around those he did not know too well. After apologizing, I came to realize that he was guilty of the same. Then he offered relationship advice to me because he felt I shouldn't be open to my fiance about my questionable past which has been mentioned throughout my blogs. I told him, I would rather be sincere than having my fiance find out the truth later on. That, in turn, would hurt our relationship more. My friend went on saying that what he doesn't know would not hurt him. This conversation about boundaries and such went on for TWO hours.

I told him I disagreed and he was upset because he believed I was not listening. I was listening, but my personality is much more liberal. Over time, I have matured throughout my relationship because we have hit rock bottom and we have been at our high. Then he continued to talk about how all relationships are similar. Again, I disagreed because all relationships are not the same. But when he referenced similarities, they were the vague ones which implied we had goals and that all discussions about our past relationships were attacked the same way. I disagree. Some conversations come up in different methods. I might ask, he might ask... it might come up in a different form. He could have read my blogs. We could have discussed it.

My point is after all of this discussion, and I didn't understand why we were still talking. I didn't ask for advice or to dissect my relationship. I told him that there are things that are discussed within our relationship are private and he does not know our relationship. He had no right to discuss something he did not know. Especially, when he does not have a successful relationship under his belt because he pushes people away with precisely this, advice because he is older, he feels he has the right to tell me how to live my life.

I am stubborn, but I am also one to listen. It was like he was giving me a sales pitch because he asked me to repeat what he said as I understood. I did understand and excuse me for taking what was said literally. If you are one to explain every facet of your point, why shouldn't I?? Also, don't change your direction of your advice because you are trying to make a point which hadn't been reached yet. Yes... I understand and No... I do not agree.

Please, I will seek advice when necessary. I am not one to do things on my own. I am one to ask questions until I'm blue in the face. But I will not ask an Olympic Swimmer about how to play football.