In the last year, I have experienced an extreme rollercoaster of events that forced me to analyze what I truly want out of life. There were events in the past which had led me to become lost after I was so sure of what my future entailed. Not until now, the smoke is starting to clear away. I had been just living in limbo, experiencing life as it came to me but I was not necessarily pushing my goals forward. In my past "relationship" (left in quotes because it was short lived), I find myself questioning what went wrong. I analyzed every single event, and the only conclusion I came down to was I should have gotten out of it the first time around as opposed to waiting for all hope to expire. Instead, I ended up being betrayed and extremely hurt by someone who I really felt could provide me the future I wanted. We both made mistakes. I overcompensated because my recent ex always made me feel like I had to continue to prove to him how much I cared and he was scared because his recent ex had damaged him, he was afraid to get hurt again. Another lesson in the infamous notion that rebounds do not work. I think I would have left with some dignity. Initially, I had never laughed or enjoyed someone's company so much, but was the emotional strain worth it?
As a Gemini, as said by a good friend of mine, we tend to go in head first. We want to see the good in people and give our hearts to them but forget to step back and look at the bigger picture. I believe the last two experiences have truly allowed me to stop and slow down for a second. I know my self-worth, and I think that is the most precious knowledge to hold when going into a relationship. Understanding how much you are worth and recognizing that someone else appreciates it.
In essence, the pain will completely go away soon. However, the memory of the pain probably will not. Unfortunately, these are the types of relationships which cause us to put our guard up for the next person who comes around. Hopefully, one won't be so stubborn to keep the walls up. Then again, why wouldn't I want a person who thinks it will be worth it to take the walls down?