Unnecessary Advice: When a Friend Crosses the Line

Last night, I went out with a couple of friends—one of whom I’ve known for quite a while. During our conversation, my current engagement came up. This friend, like my fiancé, holds more conservative views about friendships and boundaries.

The tension began when I referenced his past behavior—specifically, a few moments when he was belligerent. He didn’t appreciate that I shared those examples in front of others. As a schoolteacher, he felt those stories reflected poorly on him. He asked me to be more discreet around people he didn’t know well. I understood, apologized, and took his request seriously.

But then the conversation took a turn.

He began offering me relationship advice—advice I hadn’t asked for. He told me I shouldn’t be so open with my fiancé about my “questionable past,” referencing things I’ve written about in my blogs. He said, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

I disagreed. Strongly.

To me, honesty builds trust. I’d rather be sincere and open now than have my partner find out something later and feel betrayed. That kind of dishonesty can wreck a relationship far more than the truth ever could.

We went back and forth for two hours.

He insisted I wasn’t listening. But I was—I just didn’t agree. I’m more liberal in my communication style. My relationship has weathered both lows and highs. We’ve grown because of our openness. So when he generalized all relationships as being “the same,” I pushed back again.

Not all relationships are the same.

Yes, we all have goals, and yes, we might face similar situations. But how we navigate them? That’s unique. Sometimes past conversations surface through direct questions. Other times, they come up organically. Maybe he read something I wrote. Maybe I asked. Maybe he did.

The point is: I didn’t ask to dissect my relationship. I didn’t ask for advice. And honestly, his feedback felt more like a lecture than a conversation.

I finally told him that certain things within my relationship are private. He doesn’t know the full picture. He has no right to advise me on something he doesn’t understand—especially when, by his own admission, he struggles to maintain relationships himself.

Yes, I can be stubborn—but I also listen. I’m not above asking questions or seeking guidance when needed. But don’t force your opinion on me and expect me to parrot it back like a student. Don’t change your stance mid-point just to win a debate.

I get it.
I just don’t agree.

If I ever need advice, I’ll ask. But I won’t ask a professional swimmer how to play football.

Have you ever received unwanted relationship advice from a friend? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts in the comments.