I'm a Sapiosexual and I'm Not Afraid to Say It

I'm a sucker for a new vocabulary word. I recently came across "sapiosexual," and I immediately thought it was something that required my mind to be in the gutter. On the contrary, a sapiosexual is quite the opposite.

According to the Urban Dictionary, a sapiosexual is someone that finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. After I read the definition, I shouted to the rooftops and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I finally found the title I was seeking. Yes, I like an attractive guy just like any other straight gal, but as soon as they say something that makes me feel as if I am intelligently intimidating, I get turned off right away. 

I believe I mentioned this phenomenon in my description of a Mimbo. I remember dating someone who asked me the definition of "procrastination." I was immediately dumbfounded and turned off. He was only attractive under the glow of the bar lights. As soon as he opened his mouth, I wanted to run for the hills. Needless to say, that relationship was extremely short-lived. 

When I met the Comedian, he swooned me with words like behoove and hullabaloo. Our wordplay is one of my favorite parts of our relationship. I mean, I'm a writer, so naturally, words get me excited. 

Sapiosexuality at home

The Comedian himself has admitted to the fact that he is more attracted to our conversations than what I'm wearing. Except for shoes. There are some pairs that I have that he enjoys watching me wear but I digress. (I love shoes, and I have the closet to prove it). 

Since I discovered the word "sapiosexual," I have been throwing it at the Comedian like it was the word of the day. According to an article in Ask Men, Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D, LCPC says that if a sapiosexual finds someone who is intellectually stimulating, they are more likely to have a stronger marital bond. The article continues with author and psychologist, Paul DePompo, Psy.D, ABPP explaining that sapiosexuals need to be more selective in picking a partner because when they are not challenged, they immediately become bored of the relationship. 

Some signs you are a sapiosexual

  1. You find that you would rather have long conversations than casual sex.
  2. You are turned on by really amazing vocabulary words or facts. 
  3. A person becomes even more attractive the more you discover how intelligent they are. 
  4. Bad grammar makes your skin crawl. (Seriously, conversate is NOT a word. It was added to the dictionary because of its pop culture presence like the word "emoji." I beg you, use the word "converse" from now on. It will give you major brownie points with a sapiosexual.)
  5. You find yourself attracted to someone who is not physically your type because they challenge you intellectually. 

Once you realize that you're no average person looking for love like a sapiosexual, then you will know what to look for in a potential mate. Don't limit yourself by looks alone because the right person may not be your type physically but they can rock your mind like no other. 

Valerie Rivera