Serial Dating After a Breakup: Why Attention Isn't the Same as Healing

After a breakup, have you ever found yourself jumping from one guy to the next, never really getting anywhere?

I have.

It’s a pattern I grew comfortable with starting in college. Back in the MiGente days (a social networking site for Latinos/Hispanics, kind of like Black Planet), I soaked up the attention. I met a lot of people, and I got good—really good—at juggling 3 to 5 guys at once.

I never mixed up their names. I always remembered where they were from. It became a game, and I was winning.

Eventually, I fell into my first serious, long-term relationship—and when that ended badly, I didn’t give myself time to mourn. I went right back into dating.

In Spanish, there’s a saying:

“Quitar una clave con la otra.”
(Replace one key with another.)

Basically: Find a rebound and move on.

Why I Did It

I know now that it wasn’t the healthiest way to heal. But at the time? It felt... convenient. I’d chat with someone online for a few weeks, meet once or twice, and move on.

I wasn’t sleeping with them all or falling for them. I just liked the attention. The distraction. The feeling of not being alone.

Among my girlfriends, it became a running joke. The men I dated even had nicknames because they couldn’t keep up with who I was talking to:
Snippy. Chicago. Boston. Masochist.

You get the picture.

The Truth About Serial Dating

It was less about romance and more about control.

If I didn’t get too close, they couldn’t hurt me.
If someone rejected me, I could quickly replace them.
All the perks, none of the risk.

My mom always told me,

“It’s not good to have so many eggs in your basket.”
But I didn’t listen.

Looking back now, I wouldn’t recommend serial dating to anyone who wants commitment. It’s fine when you’re young and figuring yourself out. But if you're genuinely ready to build something real? Serial dating is emotional avoidance wrapped in flirtation.

Yes, it gave me great stories (and blog material). But emotionally? It gave me very little.

Now, I’m Choosing Me

I recently made a promise to myself:

No more dating just to fill the silence.

I want to settle down. And that won’t happen unless I give someone the real opportunity to know me—and open up enough to know them in return.

It took me a long time to truly move on from my last relationship. But I did.

Now?

It’s time for me, myself, and I—the best relationship I’ve ever had.