When Is It Too Soon? The Ongoing Question About Sex and Timing in Dating

I constantly seek advice from my friends—married, dating, or just very wise spectators—on how their relationships unfolded. One question I’ve been circling lately is:

When is it too soon to sleep with someone?

The inspiration? A TV show I love that, while a little dated now, still holds truths about dating that hit close to home.

So, I’ve started polling my friends. And the responses? All over the map.

From the Female Perspective:

For many women, it seems to come down to time.

“How long can you make him wait before he’s earned it?”
The most common answer?
A month.

But even that doesn’t quite make sense to me. What if you see each other 10 times in a week? Does that month still count? Does frequency matter more than the calendar?

Then there’s the question of emotional connection.
What should I expect in the meantime? Is there a checklist I’m supposed to mentally check off?
Honestly, I’m starting to think that many of us just want a measurable timeline—something to tell us we’re doing this “right.”

From the Male Perspective:

One guy told me the answer lies in how a man looks at you.

“When you know, you know—there’s something in the eyes.”

Another gave a more structured answer:

Three dates.
But, in his defense, those dates must be intentional—two people genuinely trying to get to know one another, not just filling time.

So... Is There a Right Answer?

With all this questioning, I’ve still come to no definitive conclusion.

What I do believe is this:
If you sleep with someone on the first date, in most cases, you might as well kiss the thought of a relationship goodbye and say hello to a situationship or a new friend with benefits. (Not always—but often.)

Then again, timing sex is a lot like trying to define love—no one formula fits all.

It’s messy. It’s gray.
And maybe that’s okay.