It's getting cold outside. Brenda and I talk about my trip to Charlotte this past weekend to potentially see snow. And guess what?! It did. The snow didn't stick, but it was good enough to cure the craving. I'm back in Florida and ready to help you out with conversation starters to ensure your date goes on without a hitch.
Find common ground
I personally like to attack this tactic by asking open-ended questions to find something in common with the person across the table from you. It is so easy for us to talk about ourselves the whole night. Part of being a good conversationalist is acknowledging there is another person in the room and making them feel important by getting to know them. When I say open-ended questions, I mean those with answers that require more than a sentence. When you find something your date says that you have experience in, then elaborate on that topic. Wa la! You have a conversation.
Here are some questions:
Tell me about your childhood.
What do you like about your job?
Tell me about your hobbies. Why do you like to do that activity?
Here is a list of 84 questions that you can use to get the conversation started.
Actively listen
I was recently listening to the book How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. He tells a story about how someone called him a good conversationalist when he didn't say much at all, he was actively listening. I think people mistake listening to not saying anything when someone is talking. To actively listen, you have to clear your mind and pay attention to what the person is saying. I know tons of people who are already coming up with the next thing they are going to say before the person is finished speaking. You know who you are!
When you actively listen, you will catch that common ground you and your date might have, and you can go on into a conversation. It's really that simple.
Give thoughtful answers
Conversation starters are not always about the other person. You have to contribute too. When your date asks you a question, make a real attempt to give a thoughtful answer that's more than three words long. Conversations are all about give and take - this is your time to contribute your thoughts and ideas to your date.
If you need more guidance on starting a conversation on your date, feel free to email me at val@valsbytes.com.
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